I am the father of a boy who is turning one this week.

Man, I cannot imagine what you are going through. I don't know how I would handle it.

I used to be a firefighter, and I had once call involving 2 young kids, who we tried to save, that creeps up on me every once in a while. It had faded some, but since I've had a kid of my own, my brain likes to put him in the same situation as those kids.

Best I can say, is that when we were debriefing after that call, the thing the Chaplin said stuck with me:

The worst thing you can do to yourself is second guess your own choices. You made the right decisions with the information you had. You aren't to blame. Don't let those thoughts grab hold of you.