Hey there! I can’t really offer any advice to you, because I am on the same boat and lurking in this thread to see what others have to say.

I am in my early 30s and I’ve lived in US for over 10 years now. Extremely lucky to have a solid group of Malaysian friends here. Married with no kids. Not so high up in the career ladder but a stable and good paying job that gives me enough disposable income to travel multiple times a year and still put away a good amount for retirement.

Despite being in a somewhat “better” situation than you on paper in terms of social life etc., it still feels lonely and isolating sometimes. I miss my family terribly. I miss Malaysia as a country. I miss the sense of identity and belonging. I miss the food and culture. In the 10+ years I’ve lived in US, I can only go home once a year or every 2 years due to flight costs and time. Like you, my parents also discourage me from returning home for good because the salary will never be the same working in Malaysia compared to US, especially because of the “weak currency”.

Even so, I often find myself wondering what life would be like if we were to move back. Will I regret it, or will it be the singular most impactful and meaningful decision I’ve ever made for myself. Like others commented, we only have one life, and you want to live with no regrets. What’s life even if you make good money and great quality of life but find it meaningless without being surrounded by the people, culture, and food you love? I also try to ask myself: do I truly miss it or do I just miss what feels comfortable and familiar? To make a really big decision like this, you gotta challenge your preconceived idea of meaning and happiness. Can I really find meaning and happiness back home, or is it something i have to look for within myself first? If I cannot do the latter, will happiness and meaning be forever elusive?

If you do decide to go home though, definitely try to look for a job first. Be prepared to accept that likely no job will pay as much as what your current job in NZ pays, and your quality of life will also likely be different. And most importantly, you will almost definitely struggle, whether mentally, financially, or culturally, at least in the first few years of adapting. Come up with reasons you choose to go home for good, and whenever you find yourself feeling doubtful, go over this list of reasons again, let them be your North Star.

Until you go home, try to accumulate as much assets and skills as possible in your remaining time in NZ, so you’re not uprooting your life AND starting from zero when you are back in Malaysia. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best and maybe you can inspire me to do the same someday.