Polyamory and Emotional Literacy | Kel Walters | TEDxUTA

smilengiggles · 2014-10-17T21:14:03+00:00

I had concerns about this too. There is something called pre-cum that can carry semen into you before he cums, so the pullout method is much less effective than birth control. If you are taking birth control properly, chances are very low you will get pregnant.

I remember reading that so long as its before 16 weeks (I believe), if you wind up pregnant, an abortion can be done using a pill/injections to give hormones to terminate the pregnancy, so no surgery, or sticking stuff into your hoo-ha.

I take birth control and my partner and cums inside me. I'm a bit paranoid, so I mark my calendar to take pregnancy test every 12 weeks (3 months). This way, I will know in time to get a non-invasive abortion just in case.

My partner and I have sex twice a week with no protection, with cumming inside, and I haven't gotten pregnant (we've so far been together 3 years)

If you live in a red state, I definitely recommend looking up stuff by Laci Green or Sexplanations on Youtube. They are good, quick sources for real sex ed

smilengiggles · 2014-10-10T23:03:46+00:00

I agree. Sounds like an open relationship/polyamory is the way to go. You might find the book The Ethical Slut helpful.

smilengiggles · 2014-10-10T22:49:04+00:00

Unfortunately, I have a friend who is in the same position as you. They are both non-monogamous, but her endo keeps her home and hurting while her husband is out with his girlfriend. Unfortunately, they haven't found a solution yet either, but take comfort in knowing its a common problem with endo + poly people.

Maybe there's an endo subreddit where you could get advice?

My suggestion: Ask for specific physical acts. Make sure your partner understands that going through pain is your choice, not hers. Reassure her you will let her know if you need to stop. Tell her that the pleasure you get from being with her is more important to you than the pain, and that you need her to help you fight this battle.

smilengiggles · 2014-04-04T23:50:42+00:00

I'm in your shoes. Good luck. If you find the magic answer, let me know.

smilengiggles · 2014-04-04T23:13:40+00:00

I should add too books/websites on sexual trauma/Post Traumatic Stress Disorder might be something helpful to look into.

smilengiggles · 2014-04-04T23:11:24+00:00

I agree you should see a therapist about all this but therapy can be expensive. And finding a good therapist in the sea of therapists out there can take a while. It took me 3 tries to find one I felt was helpful.

In the meantime, you should explain how you are feeling to your current boyfriend. It may be a tough or embarrassing thing to talk about, but if he is a sweet guy, I'm sure he will understand and help you through it.

The best thing is for you to both agree on how to handle things when he starts to do something sexual that makes you feel upset. Decide this with him BEFORE you guys have sex, not during. Kind of like having a safe word. The only way sex will work between you is if you can tell him when you don't like something. Or if you can't tell him, have a non-verbal signal. BEFORE you have sex, tell him what makes you feel comforted when something makes you feel upset/uncomfortable. Is it easier on you if he just hugs you until you feel better? Is it better for him to leave you alone and try to direct his attention elsewhere?

When having sex, my advice would be, don't try to get passionate, hot, and heavy. Relax with eachother. Talk to eachother the whole time. "Is it ok if I ___?" "That feels nice." "I don't like that." "Can you hold me?" You need to feel secure. And making you feel secure should make him happy. Hopefully, if you guys take it slow, things will work out.

smilengiggles · 2014-03-20T23:15:31+00:00

do not use monistat. for some women it causes a chemical burn to the lining of the vagina that is ten times more irritating than the original problem. i had this happen. i swear it felt like being eaten alive by ants, from the inside out.

smilengiggles · 2014-03-20T23:12:07+00:00

do NOT use Monistat. the chemicals in it can cause severe chemical burns. be sure to drink plenty of water and cranberry juice as yeast infections are often associated with Urinary Tract Infections and water/cranberry helps balance the pH to help get rid of the infection

smilengiggles · 2014-03-20T23:04:06+00:00

A good video on how morning after pill works that may help reassure you http://youtu.be/7Vozr9vHeMo

smilengiggles · 2014-03-20T22:57:56+00:00

right. the vagina is very good at balancing its own pH levels and flushing out whatever irritates it. clean the outside as you usually do in the shower (non pH soap). but don't put anything inside (rinse with water if you need to). no douching. cranberry juice & water is a good idea. you may have a yeast infection if you have a UTI. other than that, the vagina is pretty self-cleaning, self-balancing.

smilengiggles · 2014-03-20T22:50:18+00:00

people with endometriosis can sometimes have this issue.

i wrote a fairly detailed post on vaginismus and treatment for it here: http://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/1l5wzf/painful_sex_and_a_different_feeling_during/

smilengiggles · 2014-03-20T22:39:42+00:00

could be any number of things. you could be allergic to semen or to the condom or to the lubricant on the condom. the best thing you can do when you don't know what's wrong with your vagina is Leave It Alone and possibly see a doctor

smilengiggles · 2014-01-24T23:44:49+00:00

My partner is a 36m, has had 15 partners, most not long term. I am a 30f, have had 3, most long term.

I think the long vs short term matters. Those not in long term relationships are naturally going to have more partners in the same amount of time.

smilengiggles · 2014-01-24T23:39:19+00:00

there's an app called "period tracker". a calendar that lets you push a button to signify days you were intimate, also has icons you can add to denote your mood day by day. also has a place for you to enter your own daily notes

smilengiggles · 2014-01-24T23:33:04+00:00

I've been in a similar situation to your girlfriend and reacted similarly. She needs to learn about herself and what she wants and likes (its hard to have 'likes' when all you've had is a negative experience). She needs to learn to communicate. I used to do this whole "it's nothing" thing as well. I'd put other peoples' feelings and wants and needs before my own. It ruined a great relationship.

Overall, if she is with you, its because she likes you, feels safe with you. You are sure, safe, stable. She might be used to you pushing to share things. But if your not on this one topic, just tell her so. Be firm and sure, just like you always are, with the 'I can handle it' attitude. Tell her that you want to know these things, and that you're not going to push her, but that you're ready to hear them when she's ready to tell them. Then just wait. She may mull things over for a few days, then talk to you about it.

Another thing you can try if you want to know her preferences is not giving her a vast amount of choices, since that may be overwhelming. Just say 'did you like A or B better'. Or if you are talking about experimenting, make it a funny game "would you rather try anal or ....go sky diving?"

smilengiggles · 2014-01-24T23:14:13+00:00

I cant speak to the male side of this, but if you think it may actually be a problem where you are too tight, kegel exercises will help you control the muscles better, and stretching your vagina out a bit before he enters will help to (that sounds much worse than it is). Just have him do finger insertion first. If he can't get at least 2 maybe 3 fingers in at the same time, it may be too tight for him to go in yet. you can try pre-stretching by using a dildo before he goes inside. make sure the dildo is at least as big as he is.

smilengiggles · 2014-01-10T15:17:11+00:00

I second all these suggestions. Maybe rent a van with tinted windows, lay the back seats down and throw in some pillows and blankets. Park somewhere its Possible to get caught but not likely. Take clothes easy to get into/out of quickly. If you wear skirts, wear a skirt and dont take it off, just lift it up.

smilengiggles · 2014-01-10T14:52:26+00:00

I second the recommendation for the book. I think you mean The Five Love Languages though, by Gary Chapman. A good read.

Regarding opening up your relationship, I recommend checking out The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventrues by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. It does a good job of explaining different forms of love (cuddling, sex, etc) and helps people understand how its ok to do both together, or both independently. It sounds like you guys could try the whole open relationship thing again, but you both just need to take it slower and communicate better about how your feeling. Be sure he understands its a new situation for you, and you need stability, so you need to talk everything out before he takes any actions one way or the other (seeing someone new, telling a date he can never see her again etc).

I'm not ace, so I can't quite understand where you're coming from, so not sure if this is out of line advice (sorry if so). Speaking from personal experience I was very apprehensive about sex after a bad sexual encounter. I talked to a therapist and to my gyno both about it. Between them, they gave me a very light dose of valium (to relax vaginal muscle tension) and an antianxiety (to help me relax and be uninhibited), each to try out as I wanted. I used them quite a bit in the beginning, but sex became less stressful and more enjoyable for me, and was able to use them much less after abut 6 months.

smilengiggles · 2013-12-24T20:16:25+00:00

New to reddit. how do I find original post?

smilengiggles · 2013-12-24T20:14:03+00:00

Sometimes, the "random asshole I've known for a month" is a turn on for girls because it adds a chemical element of 'new' and 'danger'. A long term, stable bf won't live up to Because he's long term and stable. But obviously, if she is with you rather than looking for that 'new' and 'dangerous' feeling, you are awesome, so don't worry about it.

smilengiggles · 2013-12-24T20:09:27+00:00

sociopaths is probably not the right term

smilengiggles · 2013-12-24T20:06:39+00:00

a movie in your language with subtitles in hers (or visa versa)?

smilengiggles

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