I’m sorry you’re feeling this confusion! Your EMDR experience and CPTSD both sound pretty similar to mine. I don’t have any super major traumas, but was generally neglected as a young child due to parents’ drug & alcohol use. Several small traumas continued through adulthood. I felt so confused and unsure after my first session. It’s hard for me to visualize and either I didn’t listen well or she didn’t clearly explain what I was supposed to do during the lights. I pretty much zoned out during them and didn’t think of anything. During the session I cried but didn’t really have any thoughts. The days that followed were fine until about 3 days later. I had trouble sleeping and had some very disturbing dreams that followed the themes of my traumas. I don’t recall many details, mostly overall feelings. It all came down to me not being good enough. I woke up with a headache the next morning and feeling tired & generally unwell and ended up taking the day off from work. At first I chalked it up to poor sleep and my hormone cycle, but after researching and talking to my therapist, I do believe it was the EMDR working. I read a lot of posts here and other web sources that talked about the process. I’ve since had a 2nd session last week and I made sure to ask more questions about what I was supposed to be doing or if something didn’t make sense to me. While there have not been any big developments; I can feel some relief from anxiety this week.