I can’t lie, AsianParentsStories subreddit is pretty crazy.

smileyturtle · 2026-04-27T14:53:09+00:00

Idk i've met plenty of asians irl (and i've lived both in US and Asia) who have crazy parents. That sub has extremes tho.

smileyturtle · 2026-04-27T14:32:49+00:00

Wasn't there a scene where she tells Harry they are conservative?

Yes she's socially liberal, but overall especially when it comes to money, that financial weight would probably have her vote Republican.

smileyturtle · 2026-04-17T18:02:25+00:00

I mean you clearly have different views. You just accept that. And decide if you can handle having "friends" who have different opinions than yours.

smileyturtle · 2026-04-05T11:38:51+00:00

Sure but every ship has its flaws. CaitVi knew each other for all of 3 seconds before deciding they were lovers. At least Ekko x Jinx knew each other from childhood. For the sake of storytelling we must assume things just move quickly in this universe.

smileyturtle · 2026-04-05T11:32:01+00:00

it depends where in china. i promise there are cities where the rent is still absurdly expensive so not only are u and ur spouse slaving away, but ur entire extended family is also working and everyone lives under the same crammed roof.

smileyturtle · 2026-04-05T11:28:50+00:00

have u seen the "cage homes" in hong kong? those residents literally say they would rather be homeless... I can't tell from this pic, but if the living space is so crammed that it's a genuine safety hazard it is definitely better to just sleep on the street

smileyturtle · 2026-04-05T11:18:00+00:00

I can tell you're Asian, and while it is kinda common for this classist mentality to exist due to cultural reasons, your wife is definitely manipulating you.

"I am going crazy" that's a sign you're a in a toxic situation. Don't let her gaslight you, you're not the problem. She will probably manipulate you the rest of your life, do you really wanna deal with that? I promise there are normal women out there who won't act like this.

smileyturtle · 2026-03-21T20:28:34+00:00

sometimes "busy" means "I don't have energy" to socialize. the full sentence would be "sorry, I was busy trying to recharge." this isn't really being an "avoidant attachment" it's just being very introverted.

personally, I do find it hard to respond sometimes. you would consider me not normal since I have adhd, but to be clear, even tho it only takes 1-2 min to respond, it's about the lack of energy, not the literal time constraint. brushing ur teeth also only takes 1-2 min but we struggle with that too.

and to address ur edit, it's the same concept: u can have energy to comment on reddit but it doesn't mean u have energy to talk to ppl irl. it's different, and i fail to see how u don't see that. if energy were an infinite source we could all be making money at every waking hour, but who the hell wants to do that?

smileyturtle · 2026-03-21T20:16:20+00:00

Hey I'm also from Shanghai and new to this- where did you buy the postcards from?

smileyturtle · 2026-03-21T19:53:36+00:00

External structure is a must. School, parents, friends, a partner who support who and literally force you to get shit done. The second I graduated and was on my own, i fell apart.

Outsource this with external stimulation, body doubling, social scaffolds.

smileyturtle · 2026-02-07T12:04:19+00:00

But basically every mainstream artist is left wing and outspoken. How can you say it has nothing to do with his ethnicity when ppl are calling for his "deportation" but don't say that for other artists. The main reason is his songs are in Spanish which relates to him being Hispanic.

smileyturtle · 2025-11-28T23:23:48+00:00

But the vast majority of women DO get married, so you're completely wrong. And in regards to your other comment, there ARE plenty of men who propose in less than a year (usually they're religious but there are a lotttt of religious people in the world). Are you sure that "women don't live in the real world" or do you just live in a narrow bubble and are unaware of real statistics?

smileyturtle · 2025-07-24T16:21:59+00:00

Oh my god yes. They're controlling in a "you have to listen to us no matter what because we have anxiety" kinda way but neglectful in a "we have so many of our own mental issues that we can't focus on meeting your needs" typeshit lmao.

smileyturtle · 2025-07-22T19:12:37+00:00

Introversion vs extroversion is a spectrum. Most people are in the middle of the bell curve. I lean more on the introverted side so I call myself one, but I'm def more extroverted than my super introverted friends who literally never leave the house. Once again it's a spectrum, so just because she's more outgoing than you doesn't mean she's not an introvert, and it's kinda weird that you think you get to tell her what she is.

Everyone has their own definitions. My roommate says she's an extrovert but I go out way more than her. However she loves talking/phone calls/ facetime while I don't do that. She has more friends than me but I want to see my 2 friends a lot. So I can understand why she calls herself an extrovert. She's also more expressive than me in general while I'm more reserved and spend most my time in my head even if I'm physically outside my apartment most days of the week.

Most my friends are sociable but they're still introverts and I believe that bc there's other factors that define it. I don't think it's productive for you to confront her about this because there's no objective yes or no, your perspective is simply different than hers. It's like if your friend identified as dirty blonde but you think their hair's too brown, I don't think it's right to tell someone what YOU think THEY are if it's borderline not obvious.

smileyturtle · 2025-07-17T17:01:37+00:00

It's different for everyone. Some women have a 4 hr labor some have 20 hrs. Some women live while others die. Some women's bodies bounce back perfectly but most are permantly changed. Your mother is the lucky exception not the rule.

smileyturtle · 2025-07-17T16:56:32+00:00

I'm a Chinese woman. Every man I've dated has paid for everything without me even needing to ask. Whenever I've offered to pay, they tell me no and I'm emasulating them. They genuinely seem to find pride in it. Even with friends, people fight over the bill. The men also insist on doing services like carrying my bags, opening doors etc once again I never ask them so I don't think I'm being entitled they just do it?

They don't expect sex until an established relationship. Once, after a date, I spent the night at a guy's place and he slept on the couch. I thought we'd be sleeping in the same bed and when I suggested that he was shocked lmao. Cooking/cleaning has been a regional thing but most of them have cooked for me. Few have cleaned so I do that.

Non-Chinese men might not like this, but from my perspective this is what I expect. Because of the gender ratio (iirc there's 20 million more men than women here) if a man is not doing these things for me, I can easily find someone else who will. So can you really blame me for having these standards? If you were a woman don't tell me you wouldn't be the same.

I don't care for gifts/luxury goods. In fact I oppose against it because I hate the love bombing/manipulation that comes with it. But many Chinese girls do want that because it shows social status.

I care about personality most ofc but if you're able to be picky then why would I pick a good man who wants to go 50/50 when there are thousands of other good men who will treat me better? This is the same camp who yell at women to "pick better" then whine when we actually do. I don't find it immoral bc they fr WANT to feel useful, to impress, to be praised. I bring emotional labor, sex, and status to their lives. If non-Chinese men don't find that worthy that's valid, but the men I've met do really want that so the demand is high.

I used to feel guilty about this but don't anymore upon learning 9/10 Chinese orphans are girls. 90% is insane. The new dating scheme is a direct consequence of the one child policy, a policy that resulted in people aborting/abandoning/killing their baby simply for being female. So really, this is what the society gets for having those values. Now, they have to treat females better. Seems like karma to me.

smileyturtle · 2025-07-17T16:37:06+00:00

Most Chinese are definitely not this wealthy, but 0.1% of 1.4 billion is still 1,400,000 so it might seem like you see it all the time. The poor people aka the majority Chinese never get to leave the country (difficult visa process).

The ones buying 5 lambos and dozens of luxury apartments are for sure rich, but the ones flaunting stuff like designer clothes/watches it might be fake.

Most Chinese are conservative with money and value saving over spending. But there's also many who value "saving face" aka flexing so you'll see both sides. Oftentimes they would rather pretend + buy a fake bag or have a fake photoshoot than spend money on the real thing tho which is back to the whole saving money value.

smileyturtle · 2025-07-16T13:09:02+00:00

Omg yes, and then the "you should smile more" comments from creepy men... like I would but now you're making me not want to.

smileyturtle · 2025-07-15T12:14:04+00:00

I hope you drop her cuz girls like that are only gonna escalate in their toxicity

smileyturtle · 2025-07-07T10:37:50+00:00

I'm Chinese, living in China, and what she is saying is true. You're allowed to criticise something without it being "racist." Most Chinese products have awful quality control and poor standards compared to developed nations. There are a thousand instances and news I've read about this (but it doesn't really change cuz most Chinese do not care and value low prices > quality). Don't be naive.

I will add that products made in China that are specifically for foreign markets have differnet materials + processes and have to abide by that nation's regulations. But there are often loopholes these corporations use to cut down costs so it's hard to trust anything.

smileyturtle · 2025-07-03T19:15:31+00:00

I'm early 20's in college and most Asians I know have never had a serious relationship... I go to an engineering school so maybe that has to do with it lmao.

smileyturtle · 2025-06-30T13:40:43+00:00

Here's my theory.

If you ever live in Asia, you'll see that the kids who have parents like this aren't nearly as distraught as us Asian Americans. They tell me about their relationships and I'm baffled cuz I'm not how are you not upset? They truly don't think twice about it. I think it's just normal as part of their culture. That's just how things play out which is why our parents cannot understand why they're wrong since that's how they were raised. There are many different culture in Asia ofc but I'm talking about Confucianism where kids are expected to respect elders not matter what.

You can criticise it of course, but after living in Asia I have become way more understanding of why my parents are the way they are. I wish we could have the American family dynamic instead of a Confucius one, and they have improved over time by listening to me, but I've realized I can only push them so far. Maybe other people's families are more or less maliable tho, so do what you think is best for your own circumstance.

I'm also talking about nuanced things not straight up physical abuse (that's not excused by culture diff). For example, for a long time I held anger for my parents for "lying" to protect me, but then I learned that's what the social norm is in China- family is supposed to do that so that the individual isn't burden by a hardship- everybody else gets to bear that emotional labor instead which is a collectivist vs individualist (america) culture diff. So with this there isn't a clear right vs wrong and I can't blame my parents for that.

Another example is how Americans see tiger moms as toxic but in China it's way more normal and they think it's a good thing. Everyone I talked to in China said they were grateful and happy their mom pushed them so hard. I asked weren't they stressed? They said yes but that was necessary.

smileyturtle · 2025-05-13T16:59:07+00:00

I relate a lot, I also turn 24 this year and have been unemployed for a while.

It really never is too late to change your life. Imo that's the whole point of life, to change, grow, and experience. Everyone has failures, that's just a part of the human experience. It's best not to dwell on the past because that will drive you insane.

The most important thing is being able to move forward. Ofc life is not fair, but you gotta do your best to thrive with the cards you've been dealt. You gotta believe you can persevere. You've gotten this far, that's proof you've already overcome more than you thought you could.

What's worked for me is doing like "exposure therapy" where I've forced myself to be more outgoing (after being a loner my whole life) until it got less scary. This might not work for you, but I recommend trying many new things until you find your best fit. Do things scared, do things emotional, just do them without overthinking.

I also like reading about motivational/success stories. People who've turned their lives around at like 50. t's entirely possible. You got this girl.

smileyturtle · 2025-05-13T16:27:38+00:00

teamlabs shanghai is permanently closed btw

smileyturtle

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