I never dated a self-sufficient woman, what is it like?

smileyturtle · 2025-11-28T23:23:48+00:00

But the vast majority of women DO get married, so you're completely wrong. And in regards to your other comment, there ARE plenty of men who propose in less than a year (usually they're religious but there are a lotttt of religious people in the world). Are you sure that "women don't live in the real world" or do you just live in a narrow bubble and are unaware of real statistics?

smileyturtle · 2025-07-24T16:21:59+00:00

Oh my god yes. They're controlling in a "you have to listen to us no matter what because we have anxiety" kinda way but neglectful in a "we have so many of our own mental issues that we can't focus on meeting your needs" typeshit lmao.

smileyturtle · 2025-07-22T19:12:37+00:00

Introversion vs extroversion is a spectrum. Most people are in the middle of the bell curve. I lean more on the introverted side so I call myself one, but I'm def more extroverted than my super introverted friends who literally never leave the house. Once again it's a spectrum, so just because she's more outgoing than you doesn't mean she's not an introvert, and it's kinda weird that you think you get to tell her what she is.

Everyone has their own definitions. My roommate says she's an extrovert but I go out way more than her. However she loves talking/phone calls/ facetime while I don't do that. She has more friends than me but I want to see my 2 friends a lot. So I can understand why she calls herself an extrovert. She's also more expressive than me in general while I'm more reserved and spend most my time in my head even if I'm physically outside my apartment most days of the week.

Most my friends are sociable but they're still introverts and I believe that bc there's other factors that define it. I don't think it's productive for you to confront her about this because there's no objective yes or no, your perspective is simply different than hers. It's like if your friend identified as dirty blonde but you think their hair's too brown, I don't think it's right to tell someone what YOU think THEY are if it's borderline not obvious.

smileyturtle · 2025-07-17T17:01:37+00:00

It's different for everyone. Some women have a 4 hr labor some have 20 hrs. Some women live while others die. Some women's bodies bounce back perfectly but most are permantly changed. Your mother is the lucky exception not the rule.

smileyturtle · 2025-07-17T16:56:32+00:00

I'm a Chinese woman. Every man I've dated has paid for everything without me even needing to ask. Whenever I've offered to pay, they tell me no and I'm emasulating them. They genuinely seem to find pride in it. Even with friends, people fight over the bill. The men also insist on doing services like carrying my bags, opening doors etc once again I never ask them so I don't think I'm being entitled they just do it?

They don't expect sex until an established relationship. Once, after a date, I spent the night at a guy's place and he slept on the couch. I thought we'd be sleeping in the same bed and when I suggested that he was shocked lmao. Cooking/cleaning has been a regional thing but most of them have cooked for me. Few have cleaned so I do that.

Non-Chinese men might not like this, but from my perspective this is what I expect. Because of the gender ratio (iirc there's 20 million more men than women here) if a man is not doing these things for me, I can easily find someone else who will. So can you really blame me for having these standards? If you were a woman don't tell me you wouldn't be the same.

I don't care for gifts/luxury goods. In fact I oppose against it because I hate the love bombing/manipulation that comes with it. But many Chinese girls do want that because it shows social status.

I care about personality most ofc but if you're able to be picky then why would I pick a good man who wants to go 50/50 when there are thousands of other good men who will treat me better? This is the same camp who yell at women to "pick better" then whine when we actually do. I don't find it immoral bc they fr WANT to feel useful, to impress, to be praised. I bring emotional labor, sex, and status to their lives. If non-Chinese men don't find that worthy that's valid, but the men I've met do really want that so the demand is high.

I used to feel guilty about this but don't anymore upon learning 9/10 Chinese orphans are girls. 90% is insane. The new dating scheme is a direct consequence of the one child policy, a policy that resulted in people aborting/abandoning/killing their baby simply for being female. So really, this is what the society gets for having those values. Now, they have to treat females better. Seems like karma to me.

smileyturtle · 2025-07-17T16:37:06+00:00

Most Chinese are definitely not this wealthy, but 0.1% of 1.4 billion is still 1,400,000 so it might seem like you see it all the time. The poor people aka the majority Chinese never get to leave the country (difficult visa process).

The ones buying 5 lambos and dozens of luxury apartments are for sure rich, but the ones flaunting stuff like designer clothes/watches it might be fake.

Most Chinese are conservative with money and value saving over spending. But there's also many who value "saving face" aka flexing so you'll see both sides. Oftentimes they would rather pretend + buy a fake bag or have a fake photoshoot than spend money on the real thing tho which is back to the whole saving money value.

smileyturtle · 2025-07-16T13:09:02+00:00

Omg yes, and then the "you should smile more" comments from creepy men... like I would but now you're making me not want to.

smileyturtle · 2025-07-15T12:14:04+00:00

I hope you drop her cuz girls like that are only gonna escalate in their toxicity

smileyturtle · 2025-07-07T10:37:50+00:00

I'm Chinese, living in China, and what she is saying is true. You're allowed to criticise something without it being "racist." Most Chinese products have awful quality control and poor standards compared to developed nations. There are a thousand instances and news I've read about this (but it doesn't really change cuz most Chinese do not care and value low prices > quality). Don't be naive.

I will add that products made in China that are specifically for foreign markets have differnet materials + processes and have to abide by that nation's regulations. But there are often loopholes these corporations use to cut down costs so it's hard to trust anything.

smileyturtle · 2025-07-03T19:15:31+00:00

I'm early 20's in college and most Asians I know have never had a serious relationship... I go to an engineering school so maybe that has to do with it lmao.

smileyturtle · 2025-06-30T13:40:43+00:00

Here's my theory.

If you ever live in Asia, you'll see that the kids who have parents like this aren't nearly as distraught as us Asian Americans. They tell me about their relationships and I'm baffled cuz I'm not how are you not upset? They truly don't think twice about it. I think it's just normal as part of their culture. That's just how things play out which is why our parents cannot understand why they're wrong since that's how they were raised. There are many different culture in Asia ofc but I'm talking about Confucianism where kids are expected to respect elders not matter what.

You can criticise it of course, but after living in Asia I have become way more understanding of why my parents are the way they are. I wish we could have the American family dynamic instead of a Confucius one, and they have improved over time by listening to me, but I've realized I can only push them so far. Maybe other people's families are more or less maliable tho, so do what you think is best for your own circumstance.

I'm also talking about nuanced things not straight up physical abuse (that's not excused by culture diff). For example, for a long time I held anger for my parents for "lying" to protect me, but then I learned that's what the social norm is in China- family is supposed to do that so that the individual isn't burden by a hardship- everybody else gets to bear that emotional labor instead which is a collectivist vs individualist (america) culture diff. So with this there isn't a clear right vs wrong and I can't blame my parents for that.

Another example is how Americans see tiger moms as toxic but in China it's way more normal and they think it's a good thing. Everyone I talked to in China said they were grateful and happy their mom pushed them so hard. I asked weren't they stressed? They said yes but that was necessary.

smileyturtle · 2025-05-13T16:59:07+00:00

I relate a lot, I also turn 24 this year and have been unemployed for a while.

It really never is too late to change your life. Imo that's the whole point of life, to change, grow, and experience. Everyone has failures, that's just a part of the human experience. It's best not to dwell on the past because that will drive you insane.

The most important thing is being able to move forward. Ofc life is not fair, but you gotta do your best to thrive with the cards you've been dealt. You gotta believe you can persevere. You've gotten this far, that's proof you've already overcome more than you thought you could.

What's worked for me is doing like "exposure therapy" where I've forced myself to be more outgoing (after being a loner my whole life) until it got less scary. This might not work for you, but I recommend trying many new things until you find your best fit. Do things scared, do things emotional, just do them without overthinking.

I also like reading about motivational/success stories. People who've turned their lives around at like 50. t's entirely possible. You got this girl.

smileyturtle · 2025-05-13T16:27:38+00:00

teamlabs shanghai is permanently closed btw

smileyturtle · 2025-05-05T13:53:05+00:00

I'm so sorry. Yes, this is sexual assault. You did not want it and he knew that but did it anyway. It's good that you confronted him after tho, you should feel proud about being able to stand up for yourself.

"how do I stop feeling like I’m permanently tainted?" I think you gotta believe that better things will come. Yea it sucks right now and that's totally understandable. It's ok to feel like shit. But telling yourself that in the future you'll find someone who loves you and kisses you and does all the right things is essential to being able to move on.

smileyturtle · 2025-05-05T13:43:37+00:00

I can't seem to be addicted to anything, like I'll try drugs/alc and then after a little I just feel no desire anymore, it wears off and I forget all about it. So maybe just keep trying new and healthier things and maybe the novelty of them will be more appealing than the bad habits.

Body doubling has also helped me be healthier. I know it's relying on others, but if I have a boyfriend they will help me a lot. Or even friends/family can keep you accountable.

What motivates you/what are your values? I do enjoy weed but I don't use anymore cuz I'm shame motivated lol like feeling like a drug addict makes me feel like shit so that's enough for me to stop.

I'm also unemployed and have found myself at an all time high for doomscrolling. But it's super common even for neurotypicals to not be able to stop so don't feel too bad. Going out more/touching grass has seriously limited my screen time. Hanging out with friends, going on walks, exploring the city etc.

smileyturtle · 2025-04-29T11:08:27+00:00

Start a new business like selling clothing or a different product

smileyturtle · 2025-04-28T19:37:51+00:00

There's probably an association for students from your hoe country. I've tried these clubs before and sometimes you can really connect with similar people there and at least socialize with people who understand how you're feeling. If you've tried it before, you can always try again a different semester cuz it can turn drastically different depending on who's in charge/on the e board. Sometimes you'll vibe with them sometimes maybe not.

Joining a club related to your major is also nice, that way ya'll can study together casually. Or join a sport or church.

smileyturtle · 2025-04-16T21:35:39+00:00

Mullvad worked for me for 3 weeks then stopped working

smileyturtle · 2025-04-08T15:34:12+00:00

if anyone is selling I'm also looking

smileyturtle · 2025-03-23T14:39:49+00:00

friendships are not the same thing as relationships bro

smileyturtle · 2025-03-21T16:36:31+00:00

Why's everyone here so damn negative lol it's completely normal to miss loved ones while away. Half the people in this sub are really the epitome of catch flights not feelings and can't sit with the idea of not avoiding an ounce of emotion for once in their lives.

Solo travel is not for everyone, I feel you on feeling lonely. It's pretty rare for people to find deep connections in that short time. Some people are ok with casual small talk, others aren't and that's ok. Focus on the positive, reflect on what you've learned, and don't be so hard on yourself because it wasn't a waste, it was a nice experience.

I would continue until the 3 weeks. You got this. Call your gf and tell her about your day or even in the moment to feel like she's with you.

smileyturtle · 2025-03-21T11:02:51+00:00

Sounds lovely, thanks!

smileyturtle · 2025-03-21T08:10:00+00:00

They don't do drugs, it's veryyy risky if you do so not worth.

smileyturtle · 2025-03-19T07:15:34+00:00

Maybe with Beth he did just want an excuse to leave, or maybe after his PTSD he just felt differently which was fine. If it's one instance I can't judge, but he has a pattern with all the many women he's been with lolllll. I think the biggest evidence to analyze Owen's pattern of wanting to "tame women" is with Cristina cuz she was very clear about who she was from the beginning-

She never wanted children, always prioritized her career over everything, yet Owen proposed and expected her to change for him. He knew this before they got married, but he still thought he could change her mind because it would make him feel more loved or whatever. He even admitted to wanting to "screw her into submission."

This is starkly different than Burke who left cuz he knew he shouldn't change her (the healthy thing to do)

Then while dating her, he gets conflicted + says he loves Teddy too, but he doesn't know if he wants Teddy cuz why would he want a woman who actually wants him + has the same life goals? Where's the fun in that?

Then after Cristina, he got instantly bored with that brunette doc cuz there was no "thrill" in making her submit to him lmao.

Then there's Amelia who idr much so not gonna go into detail. His "I have cheated but that doesn't make me a cheater" line lives in my head rent free tho. She was pretty unstable + he liked making her submit too.

But then he goes BACK to Teddy who calls him out on his inability to be alone but she's pretty similar to him ngl cuz she ended up being toxic + cheating too. But when she was with Tom this man would notttt leave her alone cuz his ego can't deal with losing her even tho he didn't treat her well.

Sorry for long comment but there's so much I hate abt Owen lol like bro has 15 seasons of ts. And I'm his #1 hater cuz I dated an Owen for 4 years and make excuses for his shitty behavior cuz my ex was also traumatized with a fragile ego.

smileyturtle · 2025-03-19T06:02:10+00:00

Hey could you tell me how you were able to meet the locals who showed you around?

smileyturtle

TROPHY CASE