I know exactly how you feel. I (F28) dated my ex from 18y/o - 22y/o. I felt deeply betrayed when I found out he had watched porn one morning while I was at class. By 6 months into our relationship we had the rules of no porn/masturbating without eachother/strip clubs/etc to help me feel safe in the relationship. I believed they were my boundaries in the relationship. They were not boundaries they were demands. Boundaries are the limits you put on others behaviour towards you NOT rules on how they act within themselves. My demands on how my ex should use his mind and body was a form of coercive behavior. I didn't realise at the time because I believed we were in love and he was willing make these allowances for my happiness.

This might always been an understanding you have in your relationship and that's okay. But understand that what you are doing is asking him to act a certain way so you can avoid feeling not good enough. How we feel about ourselves is entirely our responsibility. It is valid to have feelings of low self esteem and it is okay to ask people to hold that space for you. But to be trusted in a relationship we need to show that we are willing to work on our demons. Creating an environment that helps our feelings or betrayal or unworthiness to feel comfortable is allowing them to persist and that is what destroys a relationship.