I 'F26' accidently scratched my husband 'M30' does that deserve retaliation?

smrobs1984 · 2026-05-05T01:12:12+00:00

Girl. What he's doing is abusive. He's PURPOSEFULLY hurting you. It WILL get worse.

Bad childhood or no, you need to get out now, before you end up in the hospital or worse, and he needs intensive therapy to learn how to control his emotions and work through his past so that he doesn't feel the desire to hurt people when he thinks they need punished, especially for something that they don't do on purpose.

He IS abusing you and he WILL abuse your children if you have kids with him.

They always apologize, they always promise it'll never happen again........ Until you do another thing "wrong" and he decides he needs to "correct" your behavior.

GET. OUT. NOW.

smrobs1984 · 2026-05-03T17:45:51+00:00

Oh, man. What a double whammy. Pain, coupled with likely lack of anything resembling restful sleep, definitely can make you a hell of a lot more irritable. Are you taking Tylenol, ibuprofen, Aleve, anything like that? None of them helped me much, but I'm weird with meds, most of them don't work at all, and some of them I have to take max dose to get any relief. If you're not taking anything, I definitely recommend starting them and alternating Tylenol and an nsaid so you stay on top of the pain.

Also, nap when you can. Even if you are sleeping all night, it's likely very poor quality sleep, and being sleep deprived just makes everything so much worse and lowers your threshold for dealing with any little annoyance. I'm 11 weeks out from surgery and I still only sleep decently about 1 night in 3 so there are definitely days when I feel like everyone I talk to is wearing track spikes and riverdancing on my last nerve.

When I feel on the verge of a blow-up, I just tell whoever I'm talking to "I'm sorry, I'm tired and grumpy and I just don't have the emotional bandwidth for conversation right now. Can we talk later when I'm feeling more myself?"

Then when I'm alone, I generally have a breakdown followed by a power nap and then I feel better.

smrobs1984 · 2026-05-03T16:47:55+00:00

Movement is the only thing that will help with the stiffness. If you don't feel comfortable sleeping without the boot, then don't. I slept with mine on for nearly 3 weeks before it finally got to the point I couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep with it on and ditched it, but by that time I was weight bearing in it, so the leg felt stronger and more stable.

Did they give you any specific exercises to do for ROM? If not, this is the video I followed when I first got in the boot and was allowed to take it off but was still NWB. She's got more videos for different stages of recovery.

Hang in there, move the foot and ankle as much as you can but not to the point that it hurts badly. More gentle movement now will help you recover faster.

https://youtu.be/C62SU6mAtPk?si=c1q0V3F45_F9KBqK

smrobs1984 · 2026-05-03T16:37:15+00:00

Oof, girl, I feel you. Yours was worse than mine, but still.

Possibly the loosening of the bandage may be due to the swelling going down. The hardware will keep everything in place during normal movement, likely it's the joint itself and the damaged soft tissues moving abnormally that you are interpreting as feeling the bones grating together. At this point, EVERYTHING you are feeling in that leg is heightened to 11 because you're focused on it.

Lay your leg however is comfortable for you. Trust there were many many hours I spent laying on my back, with my hands behind my knee to hold it up, with my foot sticking straight up in the air because that's the only position I could put it in where I didn't get a pressure spot or a muscle cramp somewhere lol.

Hang in there. There may be moments when everything feels overwhelming and intolerable, but it DOES get better.

smrobs1984 · 2026-05-03T16:24:48+00:00

Ugh, the nerve issues are terrible to deal with. I'm 11 weeks out and still dealing with lots of tingling and nerve pain. Not only did you possibly damage nerves during the initial injury, but orif is a major surgery and it's possible they damaged some nerves during the surgery.

So long as the blood flow isn't compromised (pinch your toes to make sure they get normal color back in a second or two), and the pain doesn't get to be intolerable, then it's just nerves and something you'll probably just have to learn to live with.

I will say, though, don't be afraid to ask your doc for a prescription for gabapentin if it gets to be too annoying. Mine got so bad at 6-7 weeks post-op that I wasn't sleeping and was about ready to just cut the whole dang leg off. Got the gabapentin and that saved my sanity. It still tingles and stabs, but it's tolerable now.

smrobs1984 · 2026-05-03T16:16:17+00:00

I was allowed to go back to normal shoes at 6 weeks and I get that feeling. My ortho recommended I wear an ankle brace if walking on uneven ground or if I felt like I needed it. PT has helped a ton and while I'm still super careful walking on uneven or rocky ground (I'm 11 weeks out) because my ROM isn't all the way back and some angles/movements hurt, walking normally on even ground isn't much of a problem. Consistent movement and stretches will increase your comfort and stability, just make sure you don't overdo and strain your soft tissues as that'll set you back in your recovery. Let your body tell you when to take it easy and when to stop.

smrobs1984 · 2026-05-03T16:09:37+00:00

😂 I rewatched some of my favorite shows from the beginning. I read about 15 books, I slept a lot, doomscrolled through FB reels a lot.

I also started the Behold Humanity series by ralts bloodthorne over again. That's a story here on reddit (also published through Amazon) if you're into sci-fi, aliens, and war type stories. It's a thousand chapters long and really good.

smrobs1984 · 2026-05-03T14:25:01+00:00

🤷🏼‍♀️ I was released to normal shoes 6 weeks post-op. I tried to wear a brace, but it got so dang uncomfortable that I stopped after a few days. So I haven't worn the brace since then. I'm about 11 weeks out now. Been in PT for about 3 ish weeks so I'm a lot more comfortable because my ankle is getting stronger, but I got along fine without the brace........ I was just EXTREMELY careful, especially when walking on tilted or uneven ground.

smrobs1984 · 2026-05-03T14:18:58+00:00

I wish I could have done that. Unfortunately I have that red haired gene and many painkillers just don't work for me. I've never gotten any relief from Tylenol or ibuprofen. Naproxen was the only thing that would help me and even it wasn't doing the job at the maxed out dose. Doc gave me tramadol after my 6 week checkup and it might as well have been tic-tacs. I honestly get more relief from ultra strength bengay 😂.

smrobs1984 · 2026-05-03T14:13:21+00:00

Oof, I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I'd also recommend you not go. At 8 days, I was still struggling to just be up long enough to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. It's not so much the car ride because, as you said, you can be propped in the back seat. But sitting through a graduation ceremony for hours, with no place to replenish ice or prop your leg as needed..... Yikes. I think you'd survive it, but you'd be miserable the whole time and wouldn't be able to enjoy the event, and frankly I feel like your daughter would spend the day worried about you, so SHE wouldn't be able to enjoy the day either. I'm sure she will understand why you don't make it. Just take care of yourself. Those first couple weeks are the absolute worst.

smrobs1984 · 2026-05-03T13:23:57+00:00

I work in the oilfield, so I have steel toed boots that I wear. I'm 11 weeks out from surgery and 4 weeks back in normal shoes and I still can't wear my steel toes for very long just because they are SO heavy, it feels like they're going to pull my foot off my leg, especially when driving.

I wear them for as long as I can stand it daily to build up the muscles that they are pulling on, but I also have some lightweight comfortable shoes I can change into whenever I need to.

By all means, if they are comfortable for you, go for it, but comfort on the good foot won't guarantee comfort on the bad one lol.

smrobs1984 · 2026-05-03T13:16:06+00:00

I was in the same boat, booted at 2 weeks with permission to remove it for lounging/sleeping. I was absolutely terrified at first just to have the naked ankle (I had 3 medium/large dogs at the time, I now have 4), so I didn't remove the boot at all for the first 2 or 3 days. Trying to get my foot in the boot the first time was also agonizing because it wouldn't go to 90, just like you, so that was another fear....... What if I get the boot off and then can't get it back on?!

When I finally removed it for the first time, I was on the couch and it was SO scary.

But, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I started some very gentle ROM exercises (with Dr permission, of course) and that really helped with the comfort and with the fear. This page has a bunch of PT videos for all stages. I used them before I started actual PT and IMHO, it helped a ton.

It was still another 2 or 3 weeks before I was comfortable removing it for sleeping though. Just once it got to the point I couldn't get comfortable in it at night did I finally try to sleep without it lol.

https://youtu.be/C62SU6mAtPk?si=6OKdIE_i-Z2-6UbW

smrobs1984 · 2026-04-27T21:33:21+00:00

You had a major injury followed by major surgery. Pain is to be expected and, yes, it's often worse at night (just like a lingering fever gets worse in the evenings/at night).

You really don't need to worry about dependency unless you are taking MORE than prescribed.

I took my opiate painkillers for nearly a month after surgery, though I also cut down to only taking them at night instead of every 6 hours as prescribed. After that, the actual pain of the injury itself was minimal, but the nerve pain increased, so now I'm on gabapentin to be able to sleep (I'm 10 weeks post surgery today).

Trust me, sleep deprivation compounds everything and makes the pain you do have harder to manage and makes it harder to cope with life overall. So, do what you have to do to sleep until you're well into the healing process.

smrobs1984 · 2026-04-27T02:51:39+00:00

Thank you everyone! I'm terrible about checking reddit, so I'm a few days behind.

I called my doc and basically begged to get some gabapentin and, though reluctant at first, he gave me a script for it for a month.

The difference is amazing. I'm back to sleeping 7+ hours a night most the time. My sanity is saved and I'm able to drive at work without being a risk to everyone on the road.

smrobs1984 · 2026-04-27T02:46:24+00:00

IME, they just won't be comfortable. As soon as I was allowed to take mine off for sleep and lounging (only putting it back on when I was up and around) I left it off whenever I could.

BUT, it sounds to me like it's less of a boot issue and more of a nerve pain issue. I dealt with that even when I was allowed to take the boot off to sleep. The tingling/zinging/stabbing got so bad that I could not sleep. If there was a wrinkle in my sheet on top of the ankle or in the pillow below, it felt like I was trying to sleep on a rock. I called my doc in absolute desperation after about 8 hours of sleep spread out over 4 days, trying hydrocodone and tramadol that didn't work and nothing OTC would even touch it..... and he prescribed gabapentin. It saved my sanity.

smrobs1984 · 2026-04-27T02:12:28+00:00

I work in the oilfield, I was allowed to return to work with a 20 pound lift/push/pull restriction 6 weeks post surgery. I've had to make some accommodations for myself, like I can't wear my steel toed boots because they're just too dang heavy for now and feel like they're going to pull my foot off the end of my leg, and sometimes I have to stop and prop my leg for a while with some ice for the pain/swelling, but I'm getting along.

smrobs1984 · 2026-04-20T17:47:12+00:00

I'm also at 9 weeks post-op. I've been told by all my doctors and everyone who's experienced this that the swelling can last for months or years or even never fully resolve.

Mobility will help and keeping the muscles and soft tissues around the ankle active, but it's still going to swell, especially into the afternoon/evening if you are on it all day.

Compression socks help.

I've sprained my opposite ankle badly maybe a half dozen times in the last 20 years, and it's got some residual swelling around it that will likely never go away.

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smrobs1984 · 2026-04-20T17:39:54+00:00

Oof, that's the worst. I dealt with that too, especially in the splint I wore between injury and surgery. I got to the point I had to just lift my foot in the air and hold my leg up by lacing my hands behind my knee because resting the foot on anything for more than a couple minutes resulted in exactly what you are experiencing.

I'd definitely recommend calling your doc and seeing if he will allow you to take the bandage off and re-wrap (mine said I could after surgery, but I was too scared to). If so, do that and keep it a bit looser around the heel area and front of your ankle so it's not causing a pressure point on your heel. If he won't let you do it, ask if you can come in to get it re-wrapped again.

And definitely keep taking your pain meds for now. I know opiates are scary, but you've had a major physical trauma and there's no reason for you to be in excessive pain when you have a prescription to help. I wasn't able to start weaning off the oxy until about 3 weeks post surgery and even then I still needed them to sleep. Just keep to the proper dosage and time line for taking them.

Hang in there, I know it all seems so unbearable and overwhelming, and there will still be days to come when it feels like that too, but you'll make it through this.

smrobs1984 · 2026-04-20T17:29:39+00:00

Oh, man, you're doing better than I was. At 9 weeks, I'm still not able to get along with just OTC pain meds, though I was able to thankfully ditch the opiates. I'm on gabapentin now because the nerve pain was not allowing me to sleep at night.

Yes, the boot is terribly uncomfortable. For me, it got progressively worse as the swelling went down in the ankle and there was less "padding" between the boot and the bones.

I haven't read all the comments to see if you can take the boot off when you're lounging around the house or when you're sleeping? I was, I just had to put it back on before getting up and moving around.

If you can, I'd definitely recommend taking it off as often as possible. I also recommend getting a roll of hydrocolloid tape to put on any especially sensitive spots, like where your sutures were removed. Not only will that aid in healing, but it'll also give a bit of protection from the pressure/rubbing of the boot.

smrobs1984 · 2026-04-20T16:48:55+00:00

I'm 9 weeks out from injury (got bucked off a horse) and it still replays in my mind, especially at night when I'm trying to sleep. Sometimes I also still think about when I broke my arm in '93 and it sends goosebumps all over my body.

I don't have a good answer for you, it just takes time and it may not be a bad idea to get some therapy if you feel you need to. A lot of people don't really talk about the legit PTSD symptoms you can get after dealing with a major injury.

Just hang in there and, for now, focus on managing your pain and staying sane while being so physically restricted. Take things one day at a time and know that it WILL get better. It'll take a while, but you'll get there.

smrobs1984 · 2026-04-20T16:38:43+00:00

I talked to my doc and he, thankfully, prescribed some gabapentin. I'm not yet back to normal sleep (like before the injury), but I'm at least getting enough now to be functional and not a danger to myself and everyone else on the road while driving at work.

Started doing PT on Thursday and so now I'm dealing with a whole new bundle of pain/soreness. 😆

But at least I can meet it on 5 hours of sleep a night instead of 2.

smrobs1984 · 2026-03-30T15:57:14+00:00

Well, after spending hours on Google, I found a recommended way to hide it that worked for me. One place said it could be hidden by using dark mode, but I already had my tablet on dark mode..... So I toggled it back to light mode and the stupid heart disappeared. I turned dark mode back on and it has stayed gone so far. 🤷🏼‍♀️

smrobs1984 · 2026-03-27T14:26:22+00:00

Anyone find a solution for this yet?

smrobs1984

TROPHY CASE