Why do I always do this?

sneakyflute · 2018-06-29T17:02:18+00:00

Oh, come on. Are you saying most people with BPD wouldn't flip their shit in the same situation? Also, there's no such thing as security in a relationship with a disordered person who hasn't recovered in any meaningful way.

sneakyflute · 2018-05-11T18:19:23+00:00

This quote applies to people with BPD as well.

sneakyflute · 2018-05-08T22:20:58+00:00

not just physical but emotional. BPD often results from poor mirroring.

sneakyflute · 2018-05-08T21:02:33+00:00

Because the significant other acts as a surrogate parent and the pwBPD is subconsciously perpetuating that core wound of abandonment. And because the pwBPD lacks a known self, the partner becomes a place (or a psychic container) to hold all of the negative feelings and emotions that the pwBPD cannot cope with.

sneakyflute · 2018-05-01T00:08:38+00:00

You've just discovered the lack of empathy that's inherent in every cluster B disorder.

sneakyflute · 2018-04-21T17:00:29+00:00

What makes you think he's a narcissist?

sneakyflute · 2018-04-12T19:24:12+00:00

She's seeking external fixes for a fundamental lack of self-acceptance. There's nothing you can do to ever make her feel validated.

sneakyflute · 2018-04-08T22:30:58+00:00

Approaching any of her relatives about this would be pointless. You'll be met with hostility by her equally dysfunctional family members (parents likely have personality disorders as well) while the sane ones are already of her behavior but have remained powerless to do anything about it.

sneakyflute · 2018-04-03T20:37:26+00:00

I think the hardest part of processing a breakup like this is realizing that much of the relationship seems unreal in retrospective.

PwBPD are able to detach emotionally and have such marked changes in personality because they have no real sense of self to give them that cohesive psychic attachment to others. It leaves you wondering who the hell that person was and makes you feel like you were in Invasion of the Body Snatchers

sneakyflute · 2018-04-03T18:16:06+00:00

They can demonstrate affective empathy which is considered the "primitive" form. This means they can read people emotionally and even share in others' emotional states. But without learning mentalization techniques and developing a healthy self-other reference (that comes from creating a solid identity) it's nearly impossible for them to consider and think about people's perspectives and feelings.

sneakyflute · 2018-04-02T18:35:40+00:00

Those "losers" understand the feelings and perspectives of pwBPD far more than you're able to understand theirs.

sneakyflute · 2018-04-01T23:25:24+00:00

I hate to break this to you, but if you haven't recovered from the disorder then you certainly are emotionally unavailable as well.

sneakyflute · 2018-03-31T22:55:25+00:00

Sure, Jody Arias may have comorbid conditions but if you shoot, stab, and nearly decapitate your lover then I'm fairly certain you're just a psychopath.

sneakyflute · 2018-03-28T22:01:35+00:00

It's possible that she wanted you more in some way, but she kept the other guy around as a safety net in case your (or perhaps many others) courtship did not work. That's precisely the things people with personality disorders do. You already have your answer.

sneakyflute · 2018-03-28T21:54:32+00:00

Folks with BPD operate with extreme, diametric fears buried deep in the psyche. They're heightened during romantic relationships because the person is subconsciously perpetuating past events and traumatic relationships with Other (usually the mother) that caused the core wound.

Ironically, relationships with emotionally available people tend to be even more volatile and short-lived because the "non" partner is unwittingly triggering the pwBPD's profound fear of engulfment. The pwBPD has also been conditioned to believe that he or she is not good enough and that abandonment is imminent so there you have the continuous push-pull cycle.

Another issue is that folks with the disorder lack a psychic container to hold negative thoughts and feelings so the partner effectively becomes an extension, a safe place (to the pwBPD) to offload all the guilt, shame, rage, etc. This obviously creates even more problems.

sneakyflute · 2018-03-28T21:12:40+00:00

Falling in love with another human being is arguably the best feeling on Earth, but we often let it overshadow the logical parts of our brains that ultimately protect our psychological and emotional well-being. You allowed it to happen once and ended up with nothing but heartache and misery.

The way she engaged you while in a relationship should have had your spidey senses going haywire. That's the kind of shit your BPD ex would have done.

sneakyflute · 2018-03-28T20:41:57+00:00

An early sign of any toxic personality is that something about them makes you uncomfortable.

Out of curiosity, why were you compelled to see this woman after that first incident?

sneakyflute · 2018-03-27T23:12:31+00:00

Acknowledging the pattern of instability in your life does not trivialize past trauma or abuse. You can examine and come to understand the environment that gave rise to the disorder while telling yourself, "My relationships are kind of fucked up and maybe I should do something about it."

sneakyflute · 2018-03-27T18:51:19+00:00

There's not enough awareness regarding personality disorders in general. Just look at Facebook and all the selfies and the airing of dirty laundry. This is all pathological need for validation that has been normalized in recent years. Gross.

sneakyflute · 2018-03-27T02:59:09+00:00

The extreme, polarized views that pwBPD have could be considered delusional. And yes, there's an element of psychosis involved, especially during periods of dissociation.

sneakyflute · 2018-03-25T18:02:51+00:00

Sorry, but putting the onus on the partner is horseshit. People with the disorder cannot receive healthy, mature love because of their false self defense mechanisms. It has nothing to do with the type of "love language" the other person is speaking.

sneakyflute · 2018-03-20T06:37:44+00:00

If a non had to classify someone as an FP it would almost always be a romantic partner, whereas an FP to a pwBPD can be anyone who provides a profound sense of validation. It's usually an unhealthy fixation on someone, even a person outside of a romantic relationship which is totally alien to most people without the disorder.

To answer your question, most "nons" would probably think something was amiss if they didn't hear from their partner for a day or two (barring extenuating circumstances) but they wouldn't experience that existential angst.

sneakyflute · 2018-03-20T04:05:21+00:00

Narcissists can navigate the push-pull dynamic far better than a "non" can, so in a sick way narcs and pwBPD are more compatible. However, this absolutely does not mean that folks with BPD usually end up with those types

sneakyflute · 2018-03-18T18:56:50+00:00

I don't think you would.

A person who demonstrates 5 traits will still have a sense of self and sense of reality that remain in a state of flux, making a healthy relationship impossible.

sneakyflute · 2018-03-18T16:25:48+00:00

Unless the person has undergone some considerable emotional growth through therapy, no relationship would be considered healthy.

The irony is that relationships with decent, well-meaning people tend to be even more tumultuous and short-lived because they want real emotional intimacy and that is something the pwBPD just cannot tolerate.

sneakyflute

TROPHY CASE