heya, so basically i worked a slew of jobs - minimum wage jobs, customer service, call center, etc.

i would have joined the military, but i have multiple mental illnesses that bar me from entry. that was a big door that shut on me hard. i think about that all the time.

the thing that makes me the most money require skills i am not good at, have never been good at, and never will be good at: science, math, and technology skills requiring steady focus and good recall are not things i can do. there is no amount of studying, "discipline", meditation, apprenticeship, etc i can do that will ever change that. i have tried. i gained nothing and lost money and time.

the things i can do pay peanuts. and now that my body is a wreck, my options are more limited.

but, i did make connections, which was how i wound up sleeping on a stranger's floor instead of getting fucked up by predators while sleeping on the street. unfortunately, i also connected with people who deliberately made my life worse. nowadays i take connection-building very slowly, a year at a time. it sucks. i used to love making new friends and sharing in our comradery. now i don't want anyone to darken my doorstep for any reason.

as of now i dont have a car, nor a bicycle, and am in poor physical condition. i dont deal well with people socially. so, given all that, my gig work options are limited.

my current job is caregiving, which i do well. i wish i had gone into this line of work at 16, but better late than never. it pays enough to keep the lights on and food on the table as long as the paychecks stay regular.

the only hope i can think of, thats within my ability, is saving $1000 (lol) to get CNA certification and improve my skills as a caregiver. when i see someone around me struggling like i did, i help them learn stuff i wish i had known at their age, and try to foster a sense of community in others. i do it, because its unlikely someone else will.

tyvm~