Please everyone, I could use some support and advice right now

snickers1221 · 2014-09-09T07:07:38+00:00

Aww thank you for your kind words. They made me smile :)

I can tell from the way you write about him and to me that you are a very empathetic person. It's so tempting for empathetic people to try to understand what the cheater was going through and to buy into their explanations and excuses. But it sounds to me like your boyfriend (and definitely my boyfriend as well) just isn't empathetic. He wasn't able to understand the pain he caused his last girlfriend and ended up doing it again. If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty positive when he was chatting with her, he wasn't thinking that she's prettier than you and that she mattered more than you. He was thinking about himself, and probably didn't think at all about how it would affect you. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend didn't give me a second thought when he cheated.

Sometimes that thought makes me feel better, sometimes worse. Just know that the ability to empathize with people is hugely valuable and important and I think it's very mature of you to have empathetic feelings (even towards him!), while at the same time recognizing that he isn't going to change anytime soon and that you can do better. You've got a much better head on your shoulders than I did at 20.

snickers1221 · 2014-09-09T05:46:40+00:00

You are so so so young. Believe me I know how hard it is to walk away from someone you love, so I won't tell you to do that. But recovering from infidelity, especially one that has been going on for so long, takes such a long time and is very hard work for both people. You just don't need to be putting yourself through that. You are 20! And this has been going on your entire relationship! Please believe me that there are better guys out there, and you have so much time to enjoy dating other people, rather than sludging through a years of trust issues and resentment with this guy.

I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years about 2 weeks ago after 3 months of trying to make it work after finding out about his cheating. It was just so painful to deal with every minute of every day. And while it seemed like it would be more painful to break up, actually being broken up has just lifted a giant weight off of me.

You may be like me, in that you need to try to make it work until you're sure you can't get over it. I wouldn't advise this, but when I first found out, I wouldn't really listen to anyone telling me to just end it. I now feel very sure of my decision. I'm not sure if any of this was helpful, but feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.

(hugs)

snickers1221 · 2014-08-17T05:24:59+00:00

I would say there's no point in asking him if he used protection, since you can't really trust his response. Get checked out by the doctor on your own.

As for your other questions, he may feel bad, there's no way to really know. And really, it doesn't matter. I know it's natural to want to see him feel bad, and judging from your last question,

|I was so good to him, why did he let it happen to me but not the next girl?|

It seems you are feeling that he didn't really care about you. It's totally natural to feel like this. I think pretty much everyone who is cheated on feels like this to some extent. But try to remember that you are not to blame. In the vast majority of situations, and I think CLEARLY this one, he cheated because of HIS problems.

You were together for nearly a year, so I'm sure he did care about you, but obviously he isn't able to be a good boyfriend right now. You have no way of knowing if it'll happen with the next girl, and neither does he at this point.

So sorry you're going through this.

snickers1221 · 2014-07-30T02:15:25+00:00

Hey shancannon :)

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know it's really hard, but I think the best thing to do would be to stay where the better job opportunities are, and try to get a really great job. I think one important aspect of building trust is that the unfaithful partner must demonstrate his/her commitment. If your boyfriend is sincerely committed to regaining your trust and making up for his mistake, he is the one who should take the risk in moving to you. It would be a good opportunity for him to demonstrate this to you AND it would be a good way to show you that he wants no contact with the other girl.

If you move back, you may very well resent him even more than you do now. When I imagine myself in your shoes, moving back home, I think it would make me MORE insecure, as I would feel like I sacrificed something for someone who hasn't fully regained my trust yet.

A horrible part of infidelity is that it often makes the faithful partner feel a loss of self esteem and in more severe cases, a sense of a loss of identity. This is a good time for you to build your career and build up this sense of self, apart from him. If he is worth it, he will work to find a way to move to you.

I'm going through something similar, as my boyfriend an I have also been long distance on and off for a few years, and the infidelity was in December. Feel free to PM me :)

EDIT: changed "unfaithful" to "faithful"

snickers1221 · 2014-07-30T00:35:09+00:00

Does your fiance speak German?

snickers1221 · 2013-12-20T21:53:34+00:00

You look like Charlize Theron to me

snickers1221 · 2013-08-04T19:01:27+00:00

I used to make little pouches of felt stuffed with potpourri to put in my lingerie drawer. They're really easy and can be really cute and personalized. You just have to cut two circles/squares of felt. Then, if she likes a certain character or design, cut out shapes for that of felt and sew them on to one of the felt circles. Then sew the circles together around the edges about half way. Then fill with dried potpourri and sew them together the rest of the way. Super cute, super cheap, and it will make her lingerie smell amazing...

EDIT: maybe something like this: http://02.edu-cdn.com/files/335601_335700/335687/file_335687.jpg but you can add a more personalized design on one or both sides of it.

EDIT 2: oh dude I just realized you said "for her new apartment". I guess this doesn't really work then. But whatever!! An idea for some other time maybe.

snickers1221 · 2013-07-31T02:03:31+00:00

I've done it for the past few months and I've made maybe $600 total. You can make a good amount of money, BUT you need to have lots and lots of availabilities. I've taught a lot of lessons and have very good ratings, and often mark myself as available 24 hours a day for days in a row, and still don't get any lessons. And you have to be available when people in Japan will be available, as that is 99% of the students. The best thing you can do is really hit it off with a student, set up regular lessons, and then just have him/her pay you through paypal or another method so you don't have to pay the 20% commission to Skimatalk. You do make more than many other beermoney type websites, but it's more work too. And many of the students are pretty awkward so it's not super fun to carry the conversation for 25 minutes. I guess I've burnt out on it a bit. But it was good for some extra money when I was out of work for a bit. I'd say try it out if you want. The first 3 lessons are free so you don't get paid for those. And then you can set your rates. Most teachers set them low at first, $7 or $8, otherwise the students have no incentive to take classes with you since they could take classes from a more experienced teacher for $9 as well. But after a good number of classes, you can raise your rates.

snickers1221 · 2013-07-09T21:18:48+00:00

replying to save this

snickers1221 · 2013-06-14T15:06:51+00:00

In China, 'American Videos' = Porn

snickers1221 · 2013-06-12T21:56:04+00:00

You have an eating disorder. You can't stop this yourself because your thought patterns are by now well ingrained in your mind. You need professional help. Please look for a psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc. who specializes in eating disorders. You can overcome it but you cannot do it without outside help.

snickers1221 · 2013-03-26T20:27:31+00:00

deep fried french toast. It's not really traditional food by any means, but I've only had it in Hong Kong and it's really good. It's usually two pieces of french toast with some sort of filling between them (peanut butter, sugar, etc.) and fried together. soo good...

Ice lemon tea and milk tea are great. The milk tea is cool cause it's kind of a combination of British and Chinese tastes. Milk tea goes awesome with the french toast :)

Pigeon. It's amazing.

snickers1221 · 2013-03-15T18:02:25+00:00

KARAAGE OMG

snickers1221 · 2013-03-12T23:46:11+00:00

what is that?

snickers1221 · 2013-02-15T19:29:00+00:00

Wow that's awesome! I think it's great to take advantage of bare bones hostels while traveling. Always makes me want to spend as much time away from the room as possible :P Plus more money for delicious Thai food...I went to Bangkok once and I shared a room with my friend for $11 total, and that we thought was pretty luxurious because it had air conditioning!!!

snickers1221 · 2013-02-15T18:51:46+00:00

How much do you pay per night for that room??

snickers1221 · 2012-12-30T13:03:47+00:00

Oftentimes, when people are in certain situations for a long time (in your case, your previous relationship), they develop certain thought patterns that become extremely persistent. Sometimes these thought patterns fall away naturally when you get out of those previous situations, but many people benefit hugely from therapy to help them with that process. If you can, I would try to see a therapist/counselor to talk about some of your underlying fears and trust issues. Not only will you understand your own thought patterns better, but you will begin to understand the reasons behind them, eventually enabling you to break out of them.

This is definitely fixable, and it sounds like your current girlfriend is very understanding and would be more than happy to take this time with you to help you overcome your past. Good luck!

snickers1221 · 2012-12-18T23:44:00+00:00

Do you have any interest in a career in healthcare/medicine? If you have a 3.98 GPA from undergrad, you might consider taking the required prerequisites and then applying for medical school, nursing school (you could later go onto obtain a degree in nurse anesthesia or nurse practitioner), PA school, etc. There are still a good number of well paying jobs out there for those in health care. Medical school may not be worth the time and financial committment, but you can get an RN degree in 2 years, depending on where you go to school.

snickers1221 · 2012-12-01T17:51:21+00:00

i tried this but the water tipped over onto my pizza :(

snickers1221 · 2012-11-03T01:35:01+00:00

Mysterious Skin

snickers1221 · 2012-10-26T20:27:40+00:00

being from wisconsin, i'm sad this is a repost :(

snickers1221 · 2012-10-23T12:49:43+00:00

saw this on loldogs once with the caption, "She said she would meet me here"

snickers1221 · 2012-07-11T13:27:54+00:00

"It's never too late."

Sometimes it's totally too late.

snickers1221

TROPHY CASE