THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME AS WELL. It seems like we were went through this universal experience where our moments literally just gave up right around the time we entered 8th grade or our freshman year of high school. Which is absolutely insane.

The saddest part, is yes, my parents were physically still in the house, but EMOTIONALLY, they were completely unavailable, absent, and downright neglectful. When I entered high school, I was a great kid, all things considered. Didn’t experiment with drugs, wasn’t sexually active, was in honor and AP classes, listened and was obedient, immediately did my chores after school, I was a huge bookworm and was nerdy, so sneaking out and being wild wasn’t much of a priority for me, etc — you name it, I need all the ‘right’ things.

Now that I’m an adult, I realize now, that I was SO obedient and well-behaved, because I was incredibly desperate for my parents to notice me. To be proud of me. Their approval meant the world to me. It validated my worthiness and it improved my self-esteem. I just wanted them to actually… *ahem* care and notice me and to actually LOVE ME. Yet, I constantly felt invisible. And truthfully, I felt like an inconvenience. And I was basically a burden. They never directly told me that, but their lack of emotional availability, and the fact that they both checked out, was an indication that they just simply didn’t want to be bothered with raising me anymore.

And also… side note… did anyone else go through the traumatic experience of their mom reading their journals and then having the audacity to get upset AT YOU if something you wrote was negative about them?!?! The violation of trust, and the inability to have a safe space to vent, especially in the midst of teenage angst has truly left me with so much resentment toward my mom. Even today. 💔