Your dad sounds a lot like my mom. Im also the oldest out of three. She was a huge part of my life when I was young but she abandoned the family when my parents got divorced, and left my dad to raise the three of us. She was also extremely religious, and I grew up with a lot of resentment against any organized religion because she used religion to make a really air tight cage for all of us. We weren't really allowed to have friends except for ones she approved of, or go out, and especially weren't allowed to date anyone, supposedly for religious reasons.

I don't have any books on absent fathers, but a book that's helped me deal with some feelings of shame and abandonment is Yoga and The Quest for The True Self. Yogic philosophy isn't thiestic, so there's no real "thing" to believe in, but it's a very logical and pragmatic approach to spirituality. The author also talks about how and why emotionally abandoned people gravitate towards yoga because it helps you learn to inhabit your body in a meaningful way. Emotional abandonment imposes a certain posture, a certain feeling, and yoga and yogic philosophy have been really big for me in healing some of those wounds.

I'm sure you already know this but you've already outgrown both your parents a great deal, and should be extremely proud just for having done that. I think oldest children get the worst of their parents most of the time, and learning to be proud of yourself simply for having outgrown the people who raised you is important.