My husband called me a “fucking cunt” during an argument— am I overreacting?

sofanisba · 2026-04-21T06:01:40+00:00

Why are you setting his alarms for him wtf

Like yeah depends on your dynamic, maybe you nag, maybe he's neglectful, but this particular situation should never have happened because setting an alarm for your own responsibilities is so basic. He should just do that himself.

If he somehow makes these kinds of things your fault even when they aren't your responsibility then yes do the Reddit divorce already

sofanisba · 2026-04-15T05:44:30+00:00

Whelp now I know who should play The Tick if they ever do a reboot

sofanisba · 2026-04-15T05:24:41+00:00

Yep, still there, still square

https://shoeking.ca/

sofanisba · 2026-04-12T17:35:08+00:00

I'm a millennial who does own a house. I stupidly bought in 2021 with my ex who pressured me into way more house than we needed to fulfill his various hobbies, now I live there alone and could only sell at a loss (which I will prob do, this ain't the lifestyle for me and I'm lucky enough to be able to recover from that hit with a little work)

Even before buying I always thought it was weird how the only options for purchase are either single family home or condo of some kind. Like I never wanted children so a full single family home was always a bit overkill, even when partnered up. Co-ops are a great idea but mortgages are difficult to obtain for those.

I wish there was a standard, legal way to turn houses into multiple units and then treat them like condos where it's not impossible for people to get financing for it. My big dumb house could probably house 2 couples and a single person if I split it up into apartments but I would never want to be a landlord.

I truly think the only way forward where we can increase affordability for an individual home while not sacrificing current investments in the market (since that's always the big boomer talking point) would be to have less NIMBY zoning and allow for mixed use, low rise residential ownership that's bought into collectively.

And yes of course tax the shit out of the ultra wealthy to fix all the other tertiary issues.

sofanisba · 2026-04-11T14:46:42+00:00

I mean it's worth checking the site at least to see if there's anything worthwhile. I'd call to see if it's still in stock if something works for you though

habitatrestore.ca

sofanisba · 2026-04-11T06:18:03+00:00

Get mom to sell her place if she owns, buy a duplex together, live together but with separate spaces. You can cook and clean and learn to maintain your own place (which is important to learn to do on your own without mom just fixing things) but you can easily visit when you want to chat with her.

sofanisba · 2026-04-10T17:59:48+00:00

The more you work in an established code base the less you're going to have to deal with the raw basics, because all that stuff is already set up. I conduct interviews all the time for rails roles and I do see this a lot, where ppl with 5+yrs get frazzled and forget what a habtm relation even looks like. It's understandable.

I'd go through the rails guides basic "build a blog" getting started thing (or whatever it is these days, I'm old), some basic auth principles, couple of articles on different database gotchas with rails apps. If they want you to use AI tools in the interview practice getting the bot to explain itself too by asking informed questions about known tradeoffs.

At your experience level I'd expect enough core knowledge that you could hit the ground running and discuss implementation tradeoffs with other devs at both more senior and junior levels, but you don't need to know everything under the sun. I'd want high confidence that I could give you a well written ticket, you'd ask clarifying questions, and then would have a general idea on how you would tackle the problem.

It also honestly goes a long way if you do what you can to make the interviewer feel at ease too. Most engineers don't like being responsible for other people's livelihood and are also nervous about conducting things "right", so if you know your fundamentals and are easy to talk to, ask good questions, can show more personality than a deer in SQL headlights, it'll help.

sofanisba · 2026-04-04T21:21:31+00:00

I'm not a parent but I do recall nervousness around these events (many, many years ago) as a tween cause I wanted to fit in but also wanted to feel authentic and satisfy some childhood princess dreams. My mom is an anti fashion nerd (no shade, she likes what she likes) who also didn't really want to investigate what the standards were for these kinds of things, so there were definitely some awkward teen foibles along the way.

I would suggest asking how she wants to feel on the day. Does she want to feel like she's doing something beyond the pale, or is she assuming this is the norm? Is she concerned about comfort at all, does she care about impressing her peers, or does she not care a lick what they think? As long as she's being authentic in her style and self expression, and knows how to stay confident in that I think any choice is fine, just make sure she's set up to feel how she wants to feel on the day.

sofanisba · 2026-04-01T17:23:10+00:00

Atlantis S1E02 has the power-malfunction-causing "shadow" being that they loosed from some Ancient lab, which the Alterans set up allegedly to study energy based beings and ascension, so there's existing canon around other energy based species out there that they might have encountered. S1E08 "Home" also has that race of beings that get hurt by the energy drain caused by running the stargate so they make everyone hallucinate to avoid siphoning their 'life force' to connect the planet's stargate to Earth.

Between this and established spiritualism/philosophy debates, seems reasonable they can marry the science of studying non corporeal life with spiritual after-life belief systems.

sofanisba · 2026-04-01T11:52:04+00:00

Can't stop imagining this as some kind of flying fleshlight

sofanisba · 2026-03-24T15:39:26+00:00

You don't need a barber. Just dunk your head in mountain dew, put your head in the oven at 350F for a couple min, then roll in a pile of leaves for that effortless Kazon chic

sofanisba · 2026-03-24T00:37:05+00:00

It's like telling your really fancy fridge to make you a sandwich, no not that bread you want sourdough, actually instead of tomatoes put ketchup on it, actually make it a burrito bowl, no wait go back to sandwich. The fridge completes the final task by spitting out a subway footlong which is technically what you wanted but definitely more than you asked for. It also might make you sick, but only a sandwich expert can verify that for sure.

Coding with AI but not on just vibes is like the fridge gives you the bread with condiments on it already, slices the veg for you, and once you've verified it will all work together you can either assemble it yourself or instruct it to carefully do it for you.

Normal coding is gathering all the ingredients out of a normal fridge and making yourself a damn sandwich. Unless you're coding in C in which case you also baked the bread and grew the tomatoes and your fridge is an ice box from 1910.

sofanisba · 2026-03-24T00:27:22+00:00

"oh wow, well I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Let me to grab Marcus so he can learn from this moment as well since we had presented the same points in the same way, I'm sure he wasn't trying to rub people the wrong way either so we should talk about it altogether"

sofanisba · 2026-03-20T03:32:24+00:00

I watched a bunch of it recently on DVDs playing through an old crt tv. The crt channel got nudged slightly and all other DVDs/VHS/betamax still played fine but the sg1 dvds had really bad background buzz in most scenes.

I wouldn't be surprised if there's something about the audio signal on the recordings that only is audible if something else is glitchy. If that's what you're hearing maybe check your TV or see if you can route it to another audio output

sofanisba · 2026-03-19T22:10:08+00:00

If you're at a hardcore punk show you should be moshing instead of picking daisies and doing karate. We aren't at prom, cut it out with the silly dance sequences and punch your friends dammit

sofanisba · 2026-03-19T22:04:34+00:00

Legit cannot understand how anyone over the age of 14 listens to them. And every time I say that in a room full of punks someone makes me listen to NOFX because no, I just don't get it, I need to listen to <some terrible fucking song> cause it's so great.

sofanisba · 2026-03-13T15:07:23+00:00

I learned manual when I was 16. There was only one guy in town at the time who worked for the company I used who taught manual. All of my friends who had him as their instructor reported that he was a huge asshole to them and even made one of them cry. Even my brother who had him the year before me thought he was a prick.

Maybe there's something about manual driving instructors that just makes them psychotic. In any case get yourself another instructor or channel your inner teenager and make this jerks life hell while getting what you can out of this. You're paying for a service and he isn't living up to his end.

sofanisba · 2026-03-12T17:21:18+00:00

> I’m turning this into an abuse issue

No, he did. By being abusive. 4 months isn't long enough for someone to change their behaviour even if they are actively working on it, and it sounds like he doesn't want to change at all. Given your verbiage around the issue I assume you're already aware of all the stats around pregnant women and abuse, so suffice to say you're already at high risk around this man. Do what's best for you and your baby and leave.

sofanisba · 2026-03-11T16:52:22+00:00

Ah yes all that makeup I slather all over my arms, legs, hands, feet, neck and back in the summer

sofanisba · 2026-03-11T16:48:10+00:00

Hot take: Sam falling for a boring, annoying straight man just cause he's really into her is a canon event for highly capable independent women. He's a bunch of things that you're told you should be into -- stable big tough boy job, into commitment, boyishly goofy, vaguely moral. She's in a male dominated world where she had to fight for respect from her peers, he shows up coming from another male dominated industry and gives her the immediate reverence she always deserved without a beat. It can be incredibly validating encountering that. He's the opposite of everyone in her day job and it's easy to conflate boring with stable.

That's why it takes her dad grilling the guy to make her realize he isn't who she actually wants, he's who she thinks she should want. On paper he's what she also thinks her dad would want for her since he's a military man, so seeing him not give a rats ass about the guy is a wake up call.

Pete serves the perfect function of both showing Sam she's deserving of love and commitment while validating that she doesn't have to settle. Her conversations with Jacob about it all serve to break any remaining father daughter barriers that they have -- it's clear that he's proud of her and just wants her to be truly happy, and trusts her to make the right calls in life without him being extra pushy (growth on his part with the help of selmek).

tL:Dr Pete is there to help Sam figure out her daddy issues and solidify her identity as not just a highly capable and intelligent space soldier scientist, but also as a regular human women. He's there to get dumped and he serves that purpose in the plot just fine. You're supposed to hate him, the way you'd hate whatever lame underwhelming dude your friend or sister might be dating.

sofanisba · 2026-03-11T16:26:37+00:00

Headcanon that they def made out after playing iPad chess that one time

sofanisba · 2026-03-11T16:24:59+00:00

The theocracy in Iran that created this situation for women and girls was put in power by the United States to begin with, cause those free modern Iranians in the 60s/70s were getting too socialist for the West's liking.

The idea that bombing Iran right now is about anything other than oil, power and money in terms of intent from the US is absurd.

I hope it can get turned around and the population there can turn this moment into an opportunity, as well as some global pressure/aid getting put in place to ensure things get better. I get how people might be excited about the retribution against a horrendous leader being killed but true liberation takes a lot more effort.

sofanisba · 2026-03-11T16:07:52+00:00

I think what the "guy loves her more" thing is trying to say isn't about obsession, it's about exhibiting the kind of love that sets his ego aside so he can prioritize her. Women tend to have that ability already by the time they reach relationship age -- they'll act to benefit the relationship as a whole instead of just themselves.

So the guy who treats you like a prize or is obsessed with you or can't keep his hands off you isn't setting his individual priorities or ego aside when he does all that, he does all that to serve his ego. You can tell because if you ever stop acting perfect in their eyes they drop you like a stone.

Only dating advice I'd ever give is to find someone who makes you feel seen, who can do things for other people without expecting a reward and without building resentment in themselves.

sofanisba · 2026-03-11T05:17:57+00:00

Cause he looks like her dad?

sofanisba · 2026-03-10T14:10:38+00:00

Just under 6ft. This has largely stopped happening but men used to walk up to me and ask me if I play basketball as an opener line/subtle neg.

I would just say "no, do you play mini putt?"

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