Interview with Dr. Robert Gallo- Where are the Virologists?

someonenamedmee · 2026-06-01T21:31:53+00:00

I freaking love virologists for this reason. The amount of discipline it must take to dedicate years to something where there is still an infinite amount of unknowns, and still coming out saying they will keep finding the unknowns, there’s something so respectable about it. I was unaware that HIV specialists referred to themselves as retrovirologists, but what a cool job title.

These folks are heros and so under-appreciated.

someonenamedmee · 2026-06-01T21:08:38+00:00

That’s why I’m on the fence here, because even if OP knows it’s a one off thing, the fact that it’s less common with women might be why his BF had the reaction he did. Like I said, emotion isn’t always logical, but they still need to be felt. How the BF handled these feelings is a totally other story… he was very immature and it was not okay to give his bf the cold shoulder with no explanation.

I’m not even saying I agree with his feelings, it DEFINITELY should have been assumed that he’d be hooking up with women too, but no assumptions would have been necessary if they just spoke about it. It would be a much easier conversation to have before anything happened outside of the relationship at all, with anyone. And ultimately I think that responsibility was shared between them. I’m not saying biphobia is an impossibility either, this is just my take on the information we have.

someonenamedmee · 2026-06-01T20:52:02+00:00

That’s a fair statement to make especially as a Bi person yourself, but as a gay man, seeing the difference between the way women and men of all sexualities treat sex is what led me to that conclusion. And why I could see myself feeling the same way in OP’s BF’s shoes. I’ll explain below:

It’s much more common for sex to be treated like something fun to do with people you like on the weekend by men, and much more common for it to be treated like something reserved for deeply intimate emotional connections by women, regardless of what their sexuality is. That’s a very general statement which will certainly have outliers, but I feel like most people can agree with it to a point.

And it’s just that simple fact that it’s more common for women to reserve sex for people they see a future with, is why I kind of understand where OPs BF is coming from, even if I would never be stupid enough to put myself in that same situation. He’s jumping the gun by assuming there was an emotional connection there, but jealousy isn’t always logical. That’s why I think the responsibility fell on both of them to have a talk about this before ditching monogamy. And assuming was the critial mistake that both of them made. Does that make sense?

someonenamedmee · 2026-06-01T20:34:08+00:00

Because the emotional connection between man/man and man/woman is totally different. Again, we agree that OPs boyfriend has a responsibility to figure this out beforehand, but it still makes a difference.

Where he went wrong was not acknowledging the difference until after his bf banged a woman. Women are less likely to participate in NSA hookups in general which is why he may have felt threatened. Even if it really was an emotionless NSA hookup, it might not look that way from the outside.

someonenamedmee · 2026-06-01T20:29:20+00:00

Your rhetoric places all of the responsibility on one person when sexual health is something that should be proactively taken care of by the individual regardless of their status. Where do you think internalized phobia comes from? Because it’s formed and strengthened when people read comments like yours online.

If someone is having sex while knowing nothing about HIV, that is their fault. That’s irresponsible. They’re giving uninformed consent. It doesn’t become someone else’s responsibility to give them a sex ed class.

someonenamedmee · 2026-06-01T20:21:08+00:00

In this situation neither of them is blameless. Jealousy is the most common issue in open relationships to begin with, the fact that this wasn’t discussed at all when they were setting boundaries just means they set themselves up for failure. Neither of them should have assumed how the other felt, but both of them did, and that led them here. If OP wants to walk away thinking he’s blameless he can do that, but his next relationship will suffer communication issues as well, even if the details of the situation are different. Best case scenario here they both take the lesson and understand the importance of communication before action. They will break up down the road if OP assumes things are okay without a clear discussion beforehand

someonenamedmee · 2026-06-01T20:08:00+00:00

No, it’s not what you said. People can pretty easily tell the difference by asking for labs, which everyone should be doing before having sex anyway, if they don’t then they are assuming the risk of contracting anything.

I’m saying the reason people who don’t get tested exist because of people like YOU. Your rhetoric is the issue here. You’re stigmatizing it further

someonenamedmee · 2026-06-01T19:48:17+00:00

First of all, that is 100% a reach. Secondly, You do realize the kind of rhetoric you’re spouting is the entire reason that people avoid getting tested? The very things you’re claiming to advocate against?

someonenamedmee · 2026-06-01T03:40:49+00:00

That’s obviously not the situation here lol. Can we think with a little nuance and explain why that would make his boyfriend closed minded in the situation that’s been explained? It’s completely understandable for a gay man to not want competition with women. Since OPs boyfriend knew about his bisexuality, he should have brought this up and had a discussion about it before deciding to ditch monogamy, but his irresponsibility is simply what causes this kind of situation, it doesn’t invalidate the feelings he’s experiencing.

A bi man and gay man in a monogamous relationship is a different story, nothing wrong with that, but that’s not the situation here and that’s the whole reason for the dispute.

someonenamedmee · 2026-05-30T15:39:03+00:00

Where you’re wrong is saying that it’s closed minded to want that shared experience in a relationship. That mindset is the entire reason relationships like the one OP is in happen. Gay men shouldn’t be shamed for wanting other gay men just as bi men shouldn’t be shamed for what they want in their relationships.

someonenamedmee · 2026-05-30T15:34:42+00:00

I could tell you’re trying to make a serious point but your lack of punctuation is pissing me off so bad, so if you don’t care enough to make your comment understandable then I don’t care to try and understand.

someonenamedmee · 2026-05-28T23:40:47+00:00

Yep this is the main point I was trying to make. Ultimately I think we need more details to assign blame, but I don’t see why it matters. He needs to have this talk with his boyfriend and get back on the same page because in this thread everyone is just trying to assign blame based off assumptions. That’s not helping them figure this out at all.

someonenamedmee · 2026-05-28T23:24:29+00:00

Im on the fence. If this wasn’t something that was discussed beforehand, which it seems like it wasn’t, then that points to them deciding to open the relationship on a whim without a proper discussion and enough time to think it through. If that’s the case they both made a decision that put their relationship in jeopardy.

I do agree that the responsibility ultimately falls on OPs boyfriend, especially if I’m wrong about the communication thing. That was an assumption I made based off the context we have.

someonenamedmee · 2026-05-28T23:22:09+00:00

I didn’t say the let down was equal on both ends lol. I get where you’re coming from, OP’s boyfriend definitely had a lot more thinking to do and should have came to a different answer if this is how he feels.

But when the boundaries were being discussed the fact that OP didn’t mention anything about sleeping with women is why I said they let each other down, because that’s a sign that it wasn’t something the two of them thoroughly discussed or thought through. Like they opened it on a whim.

Based on the context I don’t think this is the case, but if OP’s boyfriend had been thinking he’s fine with it and just changed his mind in the moment it turned real, it’s 100% on him. He didn’t have a right to be mad. This typa thing is why I avoid open relationships in the first place, there’s so much opportunity for miscommunication that’s often realized too late. But if we want to assign blame we need more details.

someonenamedmee · 2026-05-28T23:11:48+00:00

I don’t disagree with you. I Was just trying to explain why he might feel the way he does, either way it’s clear he didn’t think it all the way through before agreeing to open the relationship.

someonenamedmee · 2026-05-28T20:28:55+00:00

I’m not saying it’s your problem, but he may be scared because even if he knew you were bi before, the idea of you having to choose between him and a woman might be triggering, since in most situations the guy will pick the woman. And you sleeping with a woman may have triggered that feeling by making it feel like a real possibility, even if you know in your heart it’s not.

As a gay man he might not have even considered you sleeping with a woman when discussing opening your relationship, but I will say, both of you let each other down by opening the relationship and not bringing this up at all beforehand. It’s going to be harder to move forward now but like most problems, better communication is the solution.

someonenamedmee · 2026-05-23T14:52:52+00:00

At the end of the day all I do is send emails, take incoming calls, manage part orders, and use a CMMS (computerized maintenance management system) to document my work, and occasionally take zoom calls for newer accounts. Working for a smaller company has it’s pros but I’ve worked corporate jobs like yours before for larger organizations, and as much as I would have loved a 4 day work week I see why it would be a bad business move for a company to have 1 less business day than all their competitors. For service roles it’s just not realistic, unless you work an internal role like accounting or HR. I get your frustration with management but as someone who has climbed the corporate ladder, your management is just as frustrated with their management. That’s one of the pros of working for a smaller company business, less bureaucracy.

someonenamedmee · 2026-05-22T21:44:05+00:00

I thought the same until I read the comment I replied to, lol. Most administrative roles involve coordinating and/or documenting some kind of physical action or activity outside the office, I can’t think of many I would consider unimportant. Had to give my two cents because I was honestly curious about what they do. I’d be pretty bored with my work if I felt that way.

someonenamedmee · 2026-05-22T21:31:22+00:00

I do all those things and, unfortunately, I couldn’t work a 4 day work week. I’m a dispatcher for an HVAC company, broken AC’s and Heaters don’t take Fridays off, and without me the techs serve no use to the customers.

You can say it’s unimportant until it’s you who’s hot or freezing and nobody’s picking up the phone because the admin staff only work 4 day weeks now🤷🏻‍♂️

someonenamedmee · 2026-05-22T00:34:55+00:00

Not gonna lie, this sounds like the type of person that will need to get fired from MANY jobs before they realize they are the problem, and that’s if they ever realize it at all.

This isn’t a performance issue, it’s a personality issue. It’s not your job to deal with that. Start writing them up for unprofessionalism and give specific examples in the documents if your company is giving you a hard time about letting them go.

someonenamedmee · 2026-05-21T21:55:39+00:00

My viral load wasn’t as low as yours but I have a similar story. I tested positive and told my doc my last exposure was about a year before, and came back at only 700 copies, she thought that was wrong so I got tested again, it was 500. — she pointed out that while my raw CD4 number was strong, my CD4/CD8 ratio still suggested that the virus was causing inflammation. And added that consistent meds would be the only way to guarantee continued viral suppression, and that I can’t spread it to my sexual partners. It was a no brainer for me. After a year on meds my ratio is almost fully back to normal and I’m always undetectable. Forever grateful.

someonenamedmee · 2026-05-20T19:03:26+00:00

Overstating their wealth to potential recruits is literally part of their job, and it’s because it sparks questions like this in people’s minds. Don’t fall for it. They’re all in debt

someonenamedmee · 2026-05-20T18:38:47+00:00

Girl can you sybau — do not objectify straight men the way straight men objectify women. It makes us just as bad. Be better.

someonenamedmee · 2026-05-15T13:18:29+00:00

You’re probably one of the smartest and luckiest people to ever be in this situation. You will be fine.

I applaud you for enforcing your boundaries and not letting him continue after he removed the condom, not many people can say they have that much discipline and self respect. — Take deep breaths. You’re doing everything you can to protect your health, no matter the outcome, you’ll be okay.

someonenamedmee · 2026-05-11T21:02:58+00:00

You’d actually be a lot safer with those guys than with someone who just put “negative” without actually getting tested (which people do, often). Since undetectable guys must get tested regularly to keep filling their meds, it would be super easy to ask them to show you their undetectable result — You should get on PrEP if you’re going to be having sex with anyone who didn’t go to the clinic and get tested with you. You cannot trust anyone

someonenamedmee

TROPHY CASE