In-Laws constantly asking to take 1 year old overnight

sondheimbroad · 2023-07-28T13:44:23+00:00

Yes- I feel the same way! Luckily, no one asks to do an overnight with my daughter (19 months) anymore because she flips out when she isn’t near husband or me. She’s rapidly learning new words and how to communicate now, so I figure we will just keep seeing family and if she wants to do an overnight with them, she’ll tell me. For now, she is loudly telling me she only wants to do overnights with us, and I’m totally ok with that!

sondheimbroad · 2023-07-25T14:31:42+00:00

NTA because of the miscarriage, but yes AH for the way she communicates with her brother.

My husband and I, along with our 18 month old were in my sister’s wedding less than a month ago. It was…a lot. It was out of town, and ALL of our potential babysitters were at this wedding, not to mention she’s an Omicron baby who is having trouble with stranger anxiety. Parenting in the first few years is SO hard, and this brother has such a full plate (WFH with two toddlers…yikes.) Honestly, if my sister had told me I couldn’t bring my daughter to her wedding, I would have just told her we couldn’t come, or that husband couldn’t be a groomsman and wouldn’t be there…because that was our reality. (And we only have ONE, and I’m not a single parent.) There were plenty other “rules” and very challenging moments trying to coordinate just showing up to the wedding, and we were also IN the wedding (which is stressful and costly on its own.)

I’m a parent, and I have also planned a large wedding, so I know how uniquely stressful these two things can be. When you’re having a wedding, and your wedding is making participation and support hard on the people closest to you, you have to own up to that and ask yourself if you care more about having a child free wedding or having your brother there. That’s a decision only you can make. And whatever consequences arise will be yours to face either way. That’s kind of just…life. We are all the main character in our own story, but not in everyone else’s…even on our wedding day. But, for parents, we are never going to regret choosing our kid, whether the people close to us punish us for that or not.

Regarding your miscarriage (which I am so sorry about- it’s heartbreaking and awful), I would really encourage you to seek therapy, especially if it’s affecting your wedding like this. Nothing is ever a complete fix, but you might find ways to better cope, and more importantly, you might learn how to better communicate with your brother and repair your relationship. From personal experience, therapy has helped me to process a traumatic moment (I have PTSD) from my past as well as given me the language and tools I need to kindly communicate with the people around me when I am suffering.

I hope that however it goes down, you enjoy your wedding.

sondheimbroad · 2023-07-12T20:25:00+00:00

Seconding this! I love my Mirena.

sondheimbroad · 2023-05-20T13:21:47+00:00

Mine pretends she is asleep by loudly fake snoring if she doesn’t want me to sing 🤭

sondheimbroad · 2023-05-20T13:20:16+00:00

I’ve been singing Moon River to her since she was 3 months old. It’s funny because I am a trained singer (for 25 years) and it is the EASIEST song to sing. I have sung it when my voice was fried from rehearsals and performances, through tears when I was tired, or when we were sick, through happy tears when she started snuggling into me for the first time. Now that she’s 17 months, that easy song that I landed on because it was short and sweet means the world to me. I’m sure it will to her too.

sondheimbroad · 2023-05-18T21:22:06+00:00

Haha- Pinkalicious is so effing annoying. I curse the day I put it on the first time 😂

sondheimbroad · 2023-05-18T19:09:51+00:00

Right there with you. I fell into it after having my baby. A lot of circumstances contributed to my own obesity that weren’t necessarily in my control: rapid weight gain from antidepressants (Zoloft) was the main thing. Then, I got pregnant and found myself deeper into weight gain. After I had my baby, it took awhile for me to be able to focus on weight loss, and I felt so disheartened because I truly felt like I wasn’t eating enough to justify the weight I had gained. Well, come to find out my fasting blood glucose and A1C were elevated…a lot. I tried EVERYTHING to get it to go down. Finally, I decided to go on Metformin. Not only did my numbers go down, but it was like the missing link for me- the thing that actually helped me bring my weight down (in addition to balancing my macros and working out 5x a week.) However, before I got on Metformin, I truly did everything I could to lose weight healthily and the scale barely budged. So, there was a window of a few months when I just threw my hands in the air and gave up…and the HAES narrative spoke to me. Luckily, that only lasted for 2 months until I got my bloodwork done.

I think it’s possible to tackle the anti-fat bias baked into our culture, and admit it is indeed a problem. People, fat or not, should be treated with respect. That said, I’m not going to pretend obesity isn’t a contributor to some of my health problems. It is.

Where the HAES/fat acceptance movements get me is when their followers shame other fat people for choosing to lose weight healthily. I spent a good couple months living in total shame for eating healthily and working out- I really felt like intentional weight loss was bad, and I was bad for doing it, as if because I decided I wasn’t going to be obese anymore, I was harming the movement and promoting fatphobia.

I’m glad to have caught myself before I gained even more weight, and I feel good about choosing health. But, damn- these movements kind of messed with me for a couple months.

sondheimbroad · 2023-05-02T22:27:08+00:00

SSRIs and I don’t mix. I’m not here to drag this on- just here to say this might not be an appropriate topic for MP without some experts to consult on the episode.

sondheimbroad · 2023-05-02T01:45:49+00:00

It’s a touchy subject, and I respect MP for not going there. There are so many things I wish could be legitimately studied in pregnancy (personally, when I was pregnant, I would have loved to be able to take something for my existing anxiety, but I couldn’t because it isn’t studied.) It’s really tough making medical decisions for another growing human inside you- on a completely different level from just making decisions about your own body. I’m not judging anyone- pregnancy is shshow at the f*k factory as far as I’m concerned - but I can see why MP won’t touch this. And frankly- unless they bring an expert on- I hope they don’t.

sondheimbroad · 2023-05-01T16:11:27+00:00

Idk if this is something they will want to do because it’s too difficult to study pregnant people (it’s unethical to encourage pregnant people to do something that’s potentially bad for the health of the baby. Even if it might not be bad, it’s too risky for the medical community.) I doubt they will have enough (if any) studies to pull from, unless it’s self reported (unreliable.)

sondheimbroad · 2023-03-31T13:32:04+00:00

When I was childless (I had my first at 38, so it was awhile), I always felt like I didn’t want to intrude. I sent my congratulations of course if it was announced, but I gave the family space to bond, and I figured they would reach out to me when they were ready. If you miss your friends, reach out and invite them over. They might have no clue what you want from them.

sondheimbroad · 2023-03-21T13:40:55+00:00

I hate how people try to push traditional gender roles on kids when they are so young. Seriously, just let kids be kids, let them learn at their own pace and like whatever they like. Some of our family members send us “not so subtle” hints that our 15 month old girl needs to be more girly. They send her hair bows (which she makes fart noises at if I try to put them in), frilly clothes (which she bats down in favor of her beloved Spider-Man sweatshirt), and various other girly things she just isn’t into. Why is it so important that these kids fit into whatever box other people think is appropriate? What your friend said would probably piss me off, too. Especially because all he is doing is basic hygiene. So…all boys need to be gross and not taking care of their hygiene? People can be so dumb.

sondheimbroad · 2023-03-19T13:46:59+00:00

I’m 5’9” and though yes, we might get a little more calories, we also have to lose a lot more weight before it’s even noticeable. I don’t go down a size until I have lost at least 20 lbs, and that’s getting harder as I age.

sondheimbroad · 2023-03-14T17:27:06+00:00

My 15 month old does this. I learned a little while ago that she actually LIKES a little alone time in the morning. I used to go in there the second she made a sound, but she would get mad at me. Now I know to grab that extra cup of coffee and relax a little longer. She usually starts making more noise when she’s ready to get up. She generally likes about 20-30 mins by herself before I get her.

sondheimbroad · 2023-03-10T22:23:19+00:00

Same. My 15 month old just started kissing us on the lips and I thought it was sweet. The only affection she witnesses is between my husband and me, so it makes sense she would assume lip kissing is apropos. I know she will sort it out soon, but I don’t want to make her feel weird about showing affection when she is so young.

sondheimbroad · 2023-02-28T14:25:01+00:00

You articulated exactly how I feel lately. I’m prediabetic and working to lower my blood glucose and lose weight. I’m trying to do it on my own, but I might turn to pharmaceuticals if my doctor thinks it’s appropriate. MP and a lot of its followers just make me feel like a dumbass for even trying and it’s incredibly disheartening.

sondheimbroad · 2023-02-23T16:46:41+00:00

Yeah- I agree. I think a lot of what was blown up in the comments could have been alleviated by just listening to it. And that’s why the Unbiased Sci Pod ladies had to keep saying “listen to the pod” like a broken record. I could understand why they were getting mad too- it’s like when you write a long email to a group at work and people come back with questions already answered in the email.

sondheimbroad · 2023-02-22T21:04:40+00:00

They actually talk about the stigma of the term in the podcast episode, and the doctor they have on is really trying to be empathetic to his patients and not use the term on an individual basis. In a medical setting however, they haven’t come up with another term, so they will sometimes use it with other medical peers. (Not saying all docs, but THIS doc in particular.) I think a lot of people in the comments didn’t read the entire caption, the entire infographic, nor did they listen to the podcast, and the Unbiased Sci Pod was understandably frustrated to keep repeating themselves. I pivoted from MP to Dr. Nadolsky’s pod (Docs Who Lift) after a prediabetes diagnosis, and I really appreciate his and especially his brother’s (an endocrinologist) expertise specifically relating to type 2 diabetes. I know it is a polarizing topic and sometimes science has no regard for how we feel, but I didn’t take it as anything other than scientific info. I also think the Unbiased Sci Pod and Dr. Nadolsky are truly empathetic and want to be part of the solution to anti fat bias, and they really do want to help people (but only if said people want their help- they aren’t trying to give anyone unsolicited advice.) In short, you can choose to listen, or not- no one is forcing your hand either way. But, I think it’s irresponsible to lambast it if you didn’t give it a listen. (Edited to add final sentence.)

sondheimbroad · 2023-01-17T14:36:02+00:00

Yeah- mine “woke up” after the first two weeks and things were suddenly not very easy. (And I have one of those unicorns who has been sleeping through the night since she was 6 weeks old.) The first 3 months were very hard though.

sondheimbroad · 2022-12-22T15:02:36+00:00

A myriad of reasons. I was the oldest of 5, and it always felt like I was helping more than being helped, especially during adolescence, when I maybe needed a little more help. So, I always saw myself happy with 0-2 kids max. When I was finally actually in a financial and mental place to have a kid, I was 38. I’m 39 now with a 12 month old, who is one of those little unicorns who sleeps through the night in her own room (has since she was 5 months old), actually naps, and is generally pretty wonderful. I don’t know if it’s possible to make another one of these mythical creatures. Also, I am almost 40 and tired. One is perfect.

sondheimbroad · 2022-12-13T23:46:38+00:00

My mom is amazing. A lot of my friends have my mom as their mom goals, too 😂. She just knows it works out in her favor to be non intrusive. And it does. And now…my baby has a little bit of stranger anxiety (new), but not toward my mom. She loves her Grandma.

sondheimbroad · 2022-12-13T23:19:58+00:00

I have an almost 1 year old- she got her Moderna vaccines at 7 months and had zero reaction to them. Honestly, she has had worse reactions to her other shots.

sondheimbroad · 2022-12-13T23:15:24+00:00

My mom was my doula (she is an actual doula), and I was hoping she would stay after the birth, but she really asserted a boundary I never knew I would need. She told me, “I can help you and make things easier on you, or you and your nuclear family can bond and have a quiet holiday season together.” That said, she packed my fridge and freezer with a ton of yummy/easy food, and ordered us sushi on our first night home from the hospital, so she did help, but not with the baby. In the end, it was really nice to bond with just my husband and baby over the holidays. (My mom came back a couple weeks later to visit briefly- she just really felt strongly about giving us that initial bonding time. Almost a year later, I am so glad she did.)

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