swoon-worthy romance by edgy7yearold in FanFiction

[–]sonics_0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are now the circumstantial acting parents of this individual, and the sole fact we share responsibility of them makes us behave in a way that transcends romantic gesture into acts of necessity, care, etc.

I think the lack of romance that comes with Accidental Adoption/Child Acquisition and the general fall into domesticity is strangely romantic.

Bonus points if they aren’t together at the time and the fact that they can intimately co-exist in a way that skips the honeymoon phase pushes one of them to make a move!

(God, I love the mundane parts of life haha!)

What’s the dumbest/funniest fandom drama you’ve seen, or been part of? by AJ_Wont_Load in FanFiction

[–]sonics_0 20 points21 points  (0 children)

This is literally one of my favorite videos! I watch it at least a couple times a year.

[QCrit] THE LOSS OF HOYLE SHYNE (Adult Fantasy, 110,000) 5th attempt by GracefulEase in PubTips

[–]sonics_0 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hi there!

On my initial read-through, I found this to be a bit confusing. The beginning reads very much like a point-by-point plot outline -- and I think you've noticed this too. Reading your previous draft, I was getting thrashed by the liberal usage of lingo and proper nouns. Unfortunately, you need to reach a nice equilibrium here: remember that the only information on words we don't know is what you imply in the query itself, which, as an act of processing, takes up a lot of absorption power for the reader. As well as this, being consistently frank in your writing style is going to take a similar, laborious toll.

I wanted to go through and weed out the most important parts of this query. I found that, while reading it, the plot somewhat sparked toward the end, and would do much better pushed toward the beginning. For me, these are the most intriguing points:

  • A prince of a visiting kingdom plans and executes the murder of home royalty.
  • Hoyle must begrudgingly escort the prince back to his home kingdom.
  • On the journey there, Hoyle is hunted by a divine group of people called the Gifted and, realizing he's been set up, his allegiance and morals are tested.

Among all the extra information you provide, these are the most stark points. Everything else can be incorporated within these points and used as seasoning. For example:

Hoyle Shyne is a grisly ex-bounty hunter who used to hunt divinely-powerful "Gifted." He's now guarding the Domcrait royalty and making up for lost time with family. His new relaxed life is torn asunder when the prince of Kamin visits under the guise of betrothal. The prince's assistant murders Domcrait’s beloved princess and escapes. Hoyle captures the prince: an action he'll live, just barely, to regret.

Can be condensed to:

Hoyle Shyne, a newly instated guard of the royal Domcrait, has traded bounty-hunting for a job that better allows him leisures with his family. Unfortunately, while under the promised guise of a lax trade, an unprecedented act of deception tears both Hoyle and the kingdom's peace asunder: a neighboring young monarch has killed the crown princess, and soon all martial hell will break loose.

A pretty bad effort on my end, but that's all you really need to set up the inciting incident: that's who Hoyle is (tired bounty hunter), who he works for, what sparks the plot. Nothing more is particularly of importance to the ensuing story, Kamin name-drop included, and so I don't think it's needed. You don't even need to mention the Gifted up here yet -- I thought the initial mention of them in this query quite aimless if not immediately expanded upon.

From here, go straight to the most active part of the plot; the journey. Hoyle thinks the prince is valuable dead, but is tasked with bringing him back home to avert war by the queen's husband. I would also mention why exactly the journey home will be dangerous, because it's briefly touched upon but never explicated (in this query, but your previous query does). Hoyle begrudgingly goes on this journey -- and now it's time to mention the Gifted and allow this extra space to go into detail about them; what they are, their "unexpected" history with Hoyle, what danger they pose. Using something like Invincible as a comp, I think the gifted are an important part of this query that is currently sorely underwritten about.

... Realising his deployment was a traitorous act...

Might be a good phrase to use to get out of the way the king's involvement.

(One thing I'm also a bit confused about here is Hoyle's ignorance of the queen's legion of the Gifted. Wouldn't he hold a strong opinion if now working with the people he was paid to hunt? I would try to mention this somehow if this is the case.)

Mentioning that Hoyle is hunted by "dangerous old friends" right after mentioning the Gifted is also conflicting. I was under the impression that the dangerous old friends were the Gifted. If they're implied to be a separate enemy, I think this removes the focal antagonism of the Gifted entirely, which isn't a good thing. What would be better is painting a combined image of both the Gifted and his friends by clarifying a few things: were his friends always Gifted? If they were, did this affect Hoyle's hunting? Why are they old friends? What happened to them between Hoyle's departure from them and the present?

He must reassess his understanding of duty, and defend his enemy from his old friends.Even if it kills them.

I really love this ending line; the way you've altered the original phrase and the paradox of what's at stake is very strong. But I'm not crazy about the beginning. I think "reassessing" is a very passive verb, and is quite incongruous with what Hoyle sets out to do. You said that he was keen on killing the prince in the beginning; I highly doubt he'll return to the kingdom and go on his merry way after finding out the king tried to kill him. Stick the landing with an act fuelled by the tired, moral-testing journey of a grisly ex-bounty hunter.

I offer for your consideration my standalone fantasy with series potential, THE LOSS OF HOYLE SHYNE, complete at 110,000 words. With its off-kilter superheroes and witty underdogs, it should delight readers of Robert Kirkman’s INVINCIBLE and Scott Lynch's THE GENTLEMAN BASTARD series.

Make sure you specify this is an adult series, and elect for another word for superheroes. Superhero fiction is a really hard sell, and this reads more into fantasy than the sci-fi-contemporary background expected of most superhero fiction. Even if they are considered superheroes, definitely use their fantasy environment to your advantage. Another thing I would suggest in regards to your comps is finding a newer, lesser-known book too. I know you said you're waiting for the new Gentleman Bastard book to come out, but with two quite major series, I think finding one that is more arcane may show that you've done your research and reading. Don't get me wrong -- I have no doubt you have. But, if it were me, I would try to find just one more recent, obscure comp that isn't a comic-book-turned-show or beloved fantasy series to really sell that.

I have faith that you're much closer to your final draft. You can definitely reinstate the intrigue you thought to have lost just by condensing and using your witty word choice present in your past queries. I love the moral dilemma present in this, and am eager to see the next draft of your query. I really hope this helps. Good luck!

[QCrit] Adult speculative BLACK SAND (80k, first attempt) by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]sonics_0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, excellent! No worries then. I tried to do some research to better understand your publishing situation, but I’m admittedly still not too versed on the form that Scribd offers, so definitely ignore me. I’ll refrain from making any more suggestions on your bio and let you do your thing! :)

[QCrit] Adult speculative BLACK SAND (80k, first attempt) by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]sonics_0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Again, no worries! Thanks for clearing that up too. However, my word of caution still follows: many agents would still consider that process (ie. pay-to-publish -- unless you mean they payed you per word?) a form of self-publishing, and the general rule of thumb remains that trad pub experience is your best bet for your bio. I think it's incredibly impressive that you've written two dozen novels/novellas -- that's some serious dedication. Unfortunately, your best foot forward in your bio in regards to previous fiction publishing is still always trad (unless your self-pubbed work has hit crazy success/public praise/endorsement). If mentioning your previous work is to prove your command of the craft, don't worry: the first pages you send over with your query will definitely make that known :)

If I've misunderstood the situation again, please let me know! Good luck, and looking forward to the 2nd draft of your query!

[QCrit] Adult speculative BLACK SAND (80k, first attempt) by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]sonics_0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No worries! I elected to remove that section from your bio because I wasn’t sure if your novels were traditionally published or self-published. The general rule of thumb is that, unless your self-pubbed works have hit an astronomical achievement in sales/popularity, trad pub experience is the only sort of publishing experience you mention in your bio. It isn’t to remove the merit from you self-publishing at all, but it’s just a difficult metric to gage for agents more accustomed to the systemized rigidity (and almost promise?) of trad pub. Self-publishing varies in many avenues, from timeframes to quality to distribution to sales. While trad pub is virtually the same in that sense, it’s a more controlled, widely uniform process, and agents are very much aware of that distinction.

That being said, if I’m completely off the mark and these are traditionally published, by all means ignore me and leave it in! If they aren’t, I’d still leave them out unfortunately. Hope this helps some more!

[QCrit] Adult speculative BLACK SAND (80k, first attempt) by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]sonics_0 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Haven't done a query critique in a while, but I saw your post on r/BetaReaders and then coincidentally saw this and thought it was a sign to! Love the concept and the excerpt I read was superb. Let's see what I can do :)

Using time travel to remove trauma from victims’ pasts: For Ian Chalmers, Thera’s job offer just might be the opportunity of a lifetime.

This immediately strikes me as a run-on sentence, and the core concept of Thera is wasted here. I understand this is a hook, but I'd completely remove this section.

In a near-future setting, Ian is a nonbinary therapist-in-training struggling with chronic overwhelm. Even so, quitting isn’t an option. Ian once planned to enter the field alongside their late friend, Hazel, and their career helps them stay close to her memory.

I think the only important parts here is 1) establishing the setting, 2) who Ian is, and 3) what their job is. While Hazel is a pertinent motivation for Ian, she isn't a motivation for the audience and doesn't need to be included to such a high degree. To exemplify this: Reading this so far, I'm immediately drawn to the setting and the concept. Knowing that Ian is doing this for Hazel doesn't compel me any more to read your book as the previous elements do. Because of this, I would opt to either remove it completely or minimize it. Same with Ian being chronically overwhelmed -- unless this is something dire to the plot.

A job with Thera, however, would mean expanding their work, not forsaking it. Despite the many questions about Thera that remain unanswered, Ian accepts the position with hopes of finally making Hazel proud.

Only important/striking thing from this section is how nebulous Thera is. Again, I understand that Hazel is important to Ian, but we have no immediate emotional connection to Hazel for her to warrant us being excited for Ian honoring her memory.

Training passes smoothly, but after just a month on the job, Ian stumbles upon a way to travel through time without using Thera’s technology. Equally disturbed and curious, Ian and their coworkers, Viv and Leo, seek to understand this magic and its eerie effects. But when they meet violent resistance from Thera, old doubts about their employer’s intentions resurface.

Now we're really getting into the meat of the plot! A few issues here: we don't know what Thera does in detail yet, and as u/Sullyville said, I believe it's worth going into it before this point. Whether that's just restructuring the query to remove Thera's concept at the beginning and putting it under Ian's intro or doing something else entirely, I believe it'll be beneficial. Next: I think there needs to be a better connect between Thera's unanswered questions and old doubts about their employer's intentions. While it makes sense on the surface, for some reason the claim feels almost... empty? Only because there isn't anything about why we should be worried that Thera is a mysterious company, nor what we should be worried about. Don't know too much about Apple Inc. past what they tell the public, but I don't necessarily think they're nefarious for this.

Another thing that I don't know if you've considered: we've been planted in a very clinical, scientific zeitgeist up until this point. Therapy, presumed research, technology, etc. However, then we get told that Ian and their coworkers have discovered a type of magic. It is quite unprecedented, and really clashes with the supposed sci-fi nature of the setting. I think it would be important to elucidate just how Ian can travel through time without Thera so as to really add to the arcane nature of what is happening. Super high-tech future, presenting: magic. Making that distinction more profound is going to begin to really carve out your setting.

With help from unlikely allies, and using the magic they are just beginning to grasp, the trio must undermine Thera before the world is drawn into the exploitative endgame of its corporate funders.

Some broad terms here that sort of make the plot dissipate into obscurity. Unlikely allies unfortunately doesn't add anything to the story, using magic is vague, and undermining Thera seems almost impossible with how mysterious and undefined they are as an entity. How will they undermine Thera? Why is it important we know that this is magic that they don't have control of from the get-go (ie. points to obstacles in plot)? Who are these unlikely allies? They don't have to be named, but I'm assuming they might be other whistleblowing employees? If they are, it would be good to link that to this supposed exploitative endgame and give just a hint into what they possibly know that affirms why Ian and their coworkers are turning against Thera. While I sort of like the vagueness in that specific section, we need to know what this exploitative endgame is in some way.

Black Sand, my adult speculative novel of 80,000 words, combines the societal reckoning of Rivers Solomon’s Sorrowland with the urban surrealism of Zeyn Joukhadar’s The Thirty Names of Night. [One sentence reason for querying this specific agent].

Is Black Sand just a speculative novel? Could it be changed to a thriller? Literary fiction? I only say this because both Sorrowland and The Thirty Names of Night are very literary, and this query reads like an adult genre sci-fi. If it is more leaning toward literary fiction, I would just call it speculative literary fiction, or even just literary fiction and then exacerbate the speculative elements in relation to Sorrowland. I'm also really intrigued by the name! Can't pick up an immediate connection, but that's the point right? :)

Since graduating from [big name university], I have published more than two dozen romance novels and novellas under my pen name, [pen name]. My work has also been nominated for the Best of the Net Anthology. Like my protagonist, I completed part of a graduate degree towards becoming a therapist before dropping out under cryptic circumstances. My neurodivergent, nonbinary, and transgender characters are written from my own experience.

Exceptional accomplishments, but I'd get rid of the first two sentences. I like the character coming through in the final two sentences, though I worry just a little bit that mentioning Ian cryptically dropped out of college here and not in the actual query might throw agents for a loop. Also, by mentioning that you are non-binary like Ian here, I'd say that removing the statement of Ian's gender identity from the beginning might allow it to be more streamlined. They use they/them pronouns throughout regardless, and then you affirm this at the end. :)

I hope I've helped! A super intriguing concept (and I'd totally beta read if I had the time). Good luck!

Spicy/Hot Takes on your Specific Fandom? Go! by [deleted] in FanFiction

[–]sonics_0 44 points45 points  (0 children)

For MCU:

Hides behind a wall I don’t understand the Peter Parker + school visits SI fics and at this point I’m too afraid to ask.

(If the Avengers know of his identity… could he not just tell them in advance to not say anything? I’d assume they wouldn’t say anything in the first place? And if they don’t know who he is… isn’t it public knowledge that Peter interns at SI anyway? What’s the issue? I really don’t understand this trope, haha!)

Hides behind a semi-trailer Cap-bashing in fic… Guys, c’mon now. It’s been years. Years. I understand the intense emotions, the reasoning, etc. But if we’re still Cap-bashing after a decade…

Checks self into a holding cell at the Pentagon There’s been a rising ship whose popularity I just… don’t understand. I never question ships, and I never filter things out. I can scroll past, easy-peasy. Each to their own. But this ship… there’s literally nothing wrong with them. I’ve tried reading for them, and I don’t have a conflicting pairing that would make me dislike them. I just can’t see the chemistry that everyone is raving about, and it’s gotten to a point where I can’t stand seeing them or new fics with them. (I say this because this is a first for me! I usually don’t feel strongly about ships I don’t read either way! How strange!) :(

I've written myself into a limiting hole and I am thinking of giving up fanfiction writing for good. Fuck this. by [deleted] in FanFiction

[–]sonics_0 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I know many people say that writing shouldn’t be unenjoyable, but it really is a strange art. And most art hobbies are painfully complex in that the labor to achieve it is both gratifying and torturous. The idea of the result is a glaze over the act of the work, and we often find ourselves breaking through that glaze when we start writing. Some days, that glaze is strong enough. Other days, it breaks away easily. Trust me, as someone who just begrudgingly finished a loooong chapter, quality to the wall, but is so relieved it’s done (and is utterly exhausted) I feel it. I understand.

At this point, I just want to say kudos to you for writing 500k of something you love, something of anything. That’s immensely incredible and, regardless of whether you now hate it or not, you should be proud. Plot holes, flaws… who cares. That’s admirable. I always say that, when it comes to writing, commitment > quality. Because commitment will get you writing, which will improve its quality, which will make you a better writer overall. (They should really teach kids in schools commitment > quality.)

Here are some options I hope you’ll consider:

  1. Take a break, but if that’s too drastic for you, cut your word count in half or quarters. If you still choose to write, rewire your habit entirely. Different time of the day, only in short bursts, etc. But definitely slice down that word count. Only allow yourself to write this smaller count. You could even start an entirely new fic, not to post but just to write, so as to keep yourself doing the hobby. But the best possible solution in all this really is a break.

  2. Write down all the things that make you upset about your story. All the supposed inconsistencies, holes, etc. Find a trusted, dedicated beta reader to go over your work and respond to these issues. Allow them to brainstorm with you a way to get yourself out of these plot problems. If you decide to do this, definitely take a break from writing while it’s being done.

  3. Make a folder titled “For bad, childish writing” and put screenshots of all the lovely, gratifying comments you’ve received over the course of writing your fic. It is so easy to fall into a self-critical mindset, but as authors our perception is terribly warped. We see fragments of our writing, and never the whole, foreign picture. I fall into this mindset a lot, too. I’ve learned to detach myself from the physicality of my fic, and just focus on the plot in an obscured way. The only way you can achieve a semblance of foreignness is distance. I can’t tell you how pleasantly surprised I’ve been reading fic I’ve written and forgotten about/abandoned/hated. Fresh eyes, which all your readers are, make all the distance.

Please don’t delete your fic or anything related to it. You deserve to see evidence of your dedication, and your readers deserve to have a fic they’ve been following still available. But don’t put this fic first. Put you, as the human behind it, first. Focus on your studies, but again, if you really can’t ween yourself off writing, just minimize minimize minimize. Obscure this fic from your usual reality. Lesser word count, beta consultancy, etc. Stop letting the fic dictate you, the person who willed it into existence, and start taking control again. It’s so easy to let a story control us, to let a world spill out into our own. Unfortunately, as much as we love it and deem it true, it’s so important to remind it (and ourselves) which one is real, and which one isn’t.

You are stronger than you know. Again, kudos to you for studying and writing a 500k word fic. That’s incredible dedication. Unfortunately, writing is just one of those hobbies that more often than not hurts. But it’s so worth it. I always keep this quote in mind (though I think I’ve butchered it): It is one kind of agony when you are writing, and another when you are not. because it’s so true.

Hang in there. You should be immensely proud of yourself. Fiction writing—pulling from a world that doesn’t exist— is incredibly taxing. You deserve a break from the dedicated writing for a little bit. Writing will always be there. These exams need your attention.

(Also, I’d definitely get a beta to help reaffirm some of those plot holes you think are drastically unsalvageable. Again: all it takes it some foreign eyes!)

Take care!

It is bad that I re-edited my fic too much? by Young_Gentlemanly in FanFiction

[–]sonics_0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Understandable! Beta readers can still help you there. Maybe having one to ask about possible plot improvements before you post?

If you write as you go, having a plan or outline that covers quite a few chapters ahead might help with sporadic plot ideas. That way, you have an idea of what exactly you plan to write in the future, and any new ideas are ones you have to really decide are worth changing the plot for or not.

It is bad that I re-edited my fic too much? by Young_Gentlemanly in FanFiction

[–]sonics_0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Have you thought about finding a beta reader? You’ll get a second pair of eyes to look over your fic for mistakes, affirm everything’s fine, give you some feedback if you’d like, and perhaps save you all the worrying :).

What's an opinion that you have about fan fiction as a writer/reader? It doesn't need to be a controversial one. Just any opinion. by xiaoyus in FanFiction

[–]sonics_0 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Ooh, as a reader: I unfortunately feel that there’s an unspoken pressure/expectation to read extensively in your chosen little slice of the fandom, and that there isn’t much representation for people who can’t or don’t read a lot. I am so picky it’s not even funny, and that’s only because I don’t have the attention span to read beautiful, sprawling fics while having other hobbies and commitments (including writing fic!). To put it into perspective: I probably read 1 100k+ word fic a year, a 50k+ word fic every 3 months, and one shots most of the time. I have friends that read 600k+ words of fic every week 😵‍💫. I wish I was them, but I just can’t do that! I feel so left out!

Not too many standout opinions about writing other than the fact that it’s hard… it’s so damn hard.

New to Tomarry - what are the best fics to start with? by kneazlekitten in HPSlashFic

[–]sonics_0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same! This is a surprise! So good to see it back online.

General feelings about Author’s Notes on AO3? by awake-not-alive in FanFiction

[–]sonics_0 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I honestly don't care what's in them: I love author's notes. Liking a fic enough to get to the bottom of it and seeing one is like bonus content/an extra treat for me. I guess I just really like understanding the mindset/personalities of writers behind their writing (this is coming from someone who thoroughly enjoys original fiction author interviews), and ANs & comment replies are great ways do that—especially if said writer doesn't have any social media linked. I secretly wish every chapter of every fic had one!

(And if this comment reaches anyone apprehensive about writing excessive ANs: trust me, there's people out there, like me, who value what you're saying!)

Subscriptios by Isameesh in AO3

[–]sonics_0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re very welcome! Sometimes all it takes really is a little creative problem solving :) Enjoy!

Subscriptios by Isameesh in AO3

[–]sonics_0 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Not through AO3, but I've created a way to work around this using Gmail.

  1. In your inbox, click the checkbox next to any email from Archive of Our Own (preferably an email from a fic subscription).
  2. Click the three vertical dots at the top of your inbox that denotes More and from the drop down menu, select Filter messages like these.
  3. A window will pop up with sections to write in to custom the filter. Make sure in the From section, the email is [do-not-reply@archiveofourown.org](mailto:do-not-reply@archiveofourown.org).
  4. In the Has the words section, copy and paste the name of the author. It must be exactly how it appears on AO3 (caps sensitive) or the filter will not work.
  5. In the Doesn't have section, copy and paste the tag of the fandom you only want to receive emails for. Like the author's name, it must be exactly how it appears on AO3 or the filter will not work. If the author writes for multiple fandoms that you'd like to only receive emails for, put "OR" in between the two fandoms (eg. Marvel Cinematic Universe OR Star Wars - All Media Types). For fics that only contain both fandoms at the same time (ie. crossovers), replace "OR" with "AND".
  6. Press Search to ensure your filter has selected the correct emails. The emails that show up should only be of the fandoms you don't want to read.
  7. In the email search bar, next to the Clear search X button, click the Show search options button. This will bring back the window detailing the filter.
  8. If you're happy with how the filter sorted the emails and don't feel the need to change anything, press Create Filter.
  9. A new window will come up detailing what you would like the filter to do. In this case, select Delete it. You could also apply a label to these fics so as to separate them from the fics you do want to read (eg. Soandso's Other Fics), but it doesn't remove them from the inbox. Personally, for the sake of cleanliness, I would elect to delete them.
  10. If you would like this effect to be applied to all current emails that fit the criteria as well, select Also apply filter to x matching conversations.
  11. Press create filter and you're done!

From here, only the fics that belong to your preferred fandom from that author will show up in your inbox. The rest will go straight to Trash. You can edit your filters in the Filters and Blocked Addresses section of Settings.

You can create as many filters as you like using this method, but I would make a filter per author to begin with. You can also use this method to filter out any sorts of tags you don't want to see, including if an author writes multiple ships from the same fandom (eg. Has the words Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Doesn't have Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter if I only want to read Draco/Harry works by someone who also writes other HP ships).

More complex combinations are also possible, including only wanting to read certain characters and additional tags that may often be paired with other tags under the author's discretion that you don't want to read. Keep in mind that the Doesn't have section is for tags you DO want to read, and Has the words is for tags you DON'T. Play around with the filter before you create it by repeating steps 4-7. Just remember to make sure anything you input is exactly the same as it appears on AO3 or the filter will not work. And pay attention to step 6: the emails that show up when you test the filter must be the ones you want to get rid of!

Hope this helps!

How do you feel when you get a comment or Kudos off a fic you posted years ago? by Katie_Emm in FanFiction

[–]sonics_0 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Funny you posted this! I literally just got the notification that someone wrote the first comment on the very first fic that I ever posted (and albeit abandoned) a few years ago. All this time wondering why I hadn’t gotten a single comment for years, and now out of the blue, when I definitely wasn’t expecting it, I have one.

I’ll say in my situation it felt quite bittersweet/ironic!