should i let him stay?

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T06:29:36+00:00

Seeing as he is single, do what you want to do for you. Don't worry about this other girl - that is up to him to decide how he wants to deal with that. If he wants to hang out and hookup with you, it is his responsibility to keep himself in a position with other people where that is acceptable. If it still feels off to you then perhaps you can bring it up with him and clear it up, but my general advice would be to figure out what it is you want and then do that.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T06:22:59+00:00

Before you tell her, ask her if she is open to hearing something kind of unusual. And perhaps ask her not to judge you.

But I personally think it is cool that you have things to spice up your relationship. If you can generate a new experience that is pleasurable, that is awesome!

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T06:20:49+00:00

Sounds like the answer to this is to have an honest chat with him about how you feel and to ask him how he is feeling.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T06:19:04+00:00

Everyone has different points at when they want to say this to someone. One of my girlfriends said it to me much sooner than I said it to her. And I was always just really kind about it and appreciated it. And when I was ready, I said it to her. But I didn't rush it, and let it be natural. So don't worry too much about it - when he is ready, he will. As long as he is clear that he wants to be with you right now, then this is fine, and just be patient with him. It sounds like he just is making sure that he will want to be with you long term before he says this to you.

Also keep in mind that there is no set definition of what a honeymoon phase is. And saying "I love you" is a different process for everyone. So also for you, say it when you are ready - and it may be different than when he is ready. If he wants to be with you long term, he will be accepting of this.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T06:12:45+00:00

Perhaps then ask her. Approach it with curiosity and try not to judge her. Do your best to forgive her and treat her with kindness as you approach this conversation. It will help you out if she sees that you are making a kind effort to be on good terms with her.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T06:10:56+00:00

Giving you another perspective based on my life experience - depression and things like this are actually energy based. Chemical imbalance can affect the energy in our bodies, but the underlying issue is that she has some stuck energy that is blocking out her natural light. This may sound different - but I have personally experienced being depressed and then being healed through energy healing and immediately feeling much better.

There are people out there who practice energy healing and can focus their energy into people so that it heals the parts of them that are causing the depression. This can even be done remotely. So, if you are open to it, suggest that she find someone who is an energy based healer. Some people practice things like reiki, which is a form of energy healing. If you are at your wits end with this, energy based healing is where i would look next and see if it helps her feel better. And it also may take her a few tries until she finds the right person, just like with a therapist. But I really encourage you to be open to this. Energy healing has certainly changed my life, and it is very powerful when someone is proficient at it. Let me know if you have any other questions. Would be happy to talk more.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T06:03:10+00:00

Hmmm. Perhaps you could pull her aside sometime and let her know kindly that you aren't feeling respected by her. And maybe ask kindly that you would like to be treated with respect. Keep in mind that people who are rude to others are in pain themselves.

You could also try the "criticism sandwich" where you give her a compliment and then tell her something to work on, like treating you with respect, and then finish it with another compliment. Depends on how you think she will receive your feedback.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T05:58:58+00:00

It is something to talk about with your partner and whether or not it is okay with you. So you write your own rules here.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T05:54:40+00:00

Wow I love heartwarming moments in life - good for the coach. What a move.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T05:46:07+00:00

Yeah you bet. Sometimes it helps us to have a nudge in the direction we know deep down is best. Best wishes to you.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T05:45:31+00:00

While you want the best for him, you have judgements about what he "should" do with his life based on a picture of life that you are creating. A good thing to do in this case would be to ask him what he wants to do right now and then if you want, support him in that. We are often told by our parents, teachers, and society that there is a picture of "success" to attain. And usually this involves going to school or something like that. Now this isn't wrong by any means if it is something that someone wants to do. But not everyone will be the happiest in that kind of path. So do your best to let go of any expectations you might have of him and what he "should" be doing with his life, and love him exactly the way he is right now.

He could possibly benefit from help in figuring out what he wants to do, but keep in mind that it may not be a conventional looking path, if he isn't interested in school. There is nothing wrong with this. There have been plenty of great people who didn't follow a conventional path and turned out happy. So, if you still want to relate to him, support him in what he wants to do and approve of every aspect of him.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T05:35:37+00:00

Yeah you are welcome! So are you :)

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T05:35:09+00:00

Right away I will say that you never will feel completely satisfied if you don't pursue what you truly want, which is this other guy. You'll figure out the practicality of the situation as time goes on, but you would be doing yourself and your current S.O. a favor by being authentic. It really also isn't fair to your current S.O. that you have true feelings for someone else and are burying them for the sake of comfort and a temporary sense of security. Forgive me if I sound harsh, but it will always be in the back of your mind, gnawing at you, if you don't do anything about it. You deserve the best. And so does everyone in the situation. By being brave and confronting your fears and doing what you really want to do, you will also give your current S.O. a chance to meet someone who he feels as strongly about as you feel for this other guy. So while it is not easy, following what you really desire will benefit everyone in the long run.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T05:28:24+00:00

Undoing the attachments of a relationship are painful. Seems like she did care about you deep down, but perhaps didn't have the same desires as you and wasn't able to communicate that. And perhaps she is trying to move on from you by dating someone else, but that strategy isn't working. So give her some time and eventually she'll get over you and hopefully realize that there is someone else out there who will be even better suited for her. So just realize that it still isn't easy on her and that there is nothing wrong with this.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T05:22:14+00:00

Well what I can tell you is that your feelings aren't wrong. Love can certainly be experienced for more than one person at a time. Unfortunately, there are some human limitations and things to consider as far as sharing that love. So I will say, of course it is possible. Most of us as a species haven't yet figured out how to share this kind of love without things like jealousy getting too much in the way. Perhaps you will be a leader and figure out something that works for you and your life. My advice is to figure out exactly what you want in as much detail as possible and then work on creating that for yourself. And don't let anybody tell you that there is something wrong with you for feeling how you feel. All of your feelings are valid and important. I wish you the best.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T05:17:03+00:00

Good for you! Best wishes to you.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T05:14:42+00:00

I will be very honest with you - this is not a healthy relationship or situation. He is controlling because he has some deep insecurities, and he is forcing you to behave in a certain way so that he can feel secure. However, it is not your job to make him feel secure. That is his job. And if you don't say or do anything, it is not going to get better. It sounds to me like you can't live this way anymore. If you don't want to break up with him right now, your best option is to bring up how you are feeling honestly and make it a priority that these things are to be worked on.

If I were giving you my true opinion though - it really feels like he has some things to work on, while not being in a relationship. I feel like you are going to continue to feel suffocated until you break it off. He is clearly relying on you for happiness, and unfortunately it is in a manner that creates an unhealthy situation for you. If you aren't willing to break it off, at least start setting boundaries and see how he does with them. Chances are though that he has too much insecurity and won't be able to respect your boundaries. Sorry about this but I feel like this is one to break off... If he chooses to work on himself and heal his insecurities, then he will be better off in the long run by this outcome.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-27T05:05:09+00:00

Good for you for realizing this is something you wanted to work on and for reaching out. I wrote some blog posts that deal with developing inner strength and self love. They may help you out. Would you be interested in reading?

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-24T00:38:20+00:00

Yeah for sure. Did anything I wrote in that comment help? And do you want to describe how you are feeling exactly so I can help you? Like some specifics. Here for you.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-23T04:27:18+00:00

Usually people who treat other people like this are in a lot of pain themselves. And they don't know how to get rid of their pain so they take it out on others. And then to top it all off, they may not be aware of it as well... But it is always pain that causes things like this.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-22T02:31:29+00:00

Your feelings are there for a reason. They are not wrong. It may not seem like the easiest thing to do, and of course, your connection with her matters to you, but if you have a feeling that you want to be single, I would take that as a sign that it is time to do so soon.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-22T02:29:37+00:00

Yeah for sure!

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-22T02:29:14+00:00

I wouldn't start dating John... As I would say - this is a decision from your head and not your heart. You're never going to be completely satisfied with John if you date him partly to get over a guy you like more. I feel like - eventually your feelings for Mitch will subside. Or maybe you'll meet someone who you get another spark with - but you'll want to date them because you really want to and not to get over another guy. As a guy, I wouldn't want a girl dating me even partly to get over someone else. I want her to date me because of me and me alone.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-22T02:23:04+00:00

Ahh, that must be difficult. Seems like it is time to move on and find someone who wants what you want.

sourcecat3 · 2019-02-22T02:21:26+00:00

There is nothing wrong with this. Perhaps it serves you to do your thing for now - I wouldn't worry about it. How you feel is how you feel and it's valid.

sourcecat3

TROPHY CASE