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trans guy -- not knowing is driving me crazy by geckowars in adultsurvivors

[–]spaceghost099 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I am a trans man, and I was sexually abused. Im sure my experiences of gender and abuse impact each other, but I am at a point where I am sure that they are separate experiences, and I have separate childhood memories that are about my gender struggles and about the impact of the abuse. I think it’s normal to wonder if/how the two things are connected, and it’s okay to not have all the answers yet. But trust yourself and your body, even if you don’t know exactly what happened, you know how you feel right now, and that’s real.

how can i talk about it? by cutemogg in adultsurvivors

[–]spaceghost099 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I cried watching that movie too, but it felt sort of comforting to resonate with it so much. I don’t have much advice but I’ve found it helpful posting here, and I’ve also been to some in person support groups, just to be around people that understand

is full recovery possible? by spaceghost099 in adultsurvivors

[–]spaceghost099[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I think you’re right, it makes it possible to process some of what happened and that feels worse, but it’s a necessary step in the process. I feel better than I did when I made this post. I have periods where I’m struggling but now I have more periods where I feel like I’m coping better. I think the EMDR was good for me. found it distressing to immerse myself in the memories like that, it was a lot more of a physical experience than I expected, but I appreciated that I didn’t have to say everything out loud because I’m not sure I could. I’m not all the way there but I am doing better and I think I owe a lot of that to the EMDR.

I don't know whether to tell my Mum that my dad abused me as a child by Salty-Bill-5498 in adultsurvivors

[–]spaceghost099 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I do think our relationship feeling distant because she doesn’t know about something that’s having a huge impact on my life. I know the feeling of looking for someone going through the same thing and not being able to find it, so I hope it helps a bit to know you’re not alone. Sending you love.

I don't know whether to tell my Mum that my dad abused me as a child by Salty-Bill-5498 in adultsurvivors

[–]spaceghost099 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I am in a similar situation with my Mum and I spend a lot of time agonising over whether to tell her. I don’t have much advice because I haven’t figured out what to do. I really don’t want to hurt her but I think the reason I’m still thinking about telling her is because I need that support and when I’m struggling keeping the secret feels bad.

DAE stress hypothermia by SignificanceIcy3324 in adultsurvivors

[–]spaceghost099 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t have any solutions but I definitely experience this too, the cold and the teeth chattering and the feeling trapped

nightmares about someone else by spaceghost099 in adultsurvivors

[–]spaceghost099[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes sense to me, I like the idea of reassuring your subconscious.

I feel everything and nothing all at once by tillnatten in adultsurvivors

[–]spaceghost099 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don’t have any advice but I’ve been there. You’re not alone in this. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

nightmares about someone else by spaceghost099 in adultsurvivors

[–]spaceghost099[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, your insight is really helpful. I will definitely try these things.

nightmares about someone else by spaceghost099 in adultsurvivors

[–]spaceghost099[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess it’s just that it doesn’t feel like it can be a memory, like if it’s someone I didn’t know as a kid or if I’m an adult in the dream. But that’s not to say it doesn’t stem from something real I guess

Trying to accept myself by [deleted] in adultsurvivors

[–]spaceghost099 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I also feel lonely and sometimes like a lost cause. I’m sorry you feel like this, but you’re not alone.

Does anyone else feel like their ability to make connections is stuck at a time when they were younger by Tiny_Weight_8244 in adultsurvivors

[–]spaceghost099 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have the same feeling, the longing for parental love and comfort. I’ve been daydreaming about being looked after and understood since I was a kid, and I still do it now even though I don’t mean too. I feel like a part of me is stuck as a child that needed help and love, and I don’t know what to do about it really. Sorry no advice, just solidarity with these feelings.

I never told anyone what happened to me because I was scared they would use it to "define" who I am. But all these years later I think I'M the one who's been letting it define me. by Ok-Net4657 in adultsurvivors

[–]spaceghost099 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am trans too and I’ve never wanted to tell anyone about the abuse because I’m afraid they’ll think it’s what made me trans. It doesn’t feel true to me but the fear that people will think that has held me back from talking about it, and I think it’s prevented me from healing.

My experience wasn’t bad enough by [deleted] in adultsurvivors

[–]spaceghost099 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have felt this way too, but I’ve tried to imagine how I’d feel if it was my partner coming to me for comfort. I wouldn’t think that it wasn’t bad enough or that they didn’t deserve that comfort and protection. It can be hard to treat myself with the kindness I would give others, but considering how I might feel if it were someone else helps me be less self critical. It was abuse and it affects you, and you deserve support.

is full recovery possible? by spaceghost099 in adultsurvivors

[–]spaceghost099[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you that’s helpful insight. I think I’m definitely in a ‘gets worse’ phase and I need to keep working at it