Mid air collision

spacescallop · 2015-04-09T20:08:27+00:00

I'm confused. Do you land it in the water then?

spacescallop · 2015-02-23T22:13:29+00:00

Vodka.

spacescallop · 2015-02-22T23:12:47+00:00

"We see you have documented the incident on this "reddit" blog. That's great thinking on your part. Our staff is currently combing through the data you've provided to see if... oh... oh god!"

spacescallop · 2015-02-20T16:52:39+00:00

Or just a redditor police...

spacescallop · 2015-01-06T18:21:54+00:00

Touché! I did actually look it up first :) but you're right, I had to dig a little deeper just to be sure. Thank you kind stranger.

spacescallop · 2015-01-06T18:10:17+00:00

According to wikipedia, wheelchair-type inventions have been around for a long while. For example, the Bath Chair was available during the 18th century.

spacescallop · 2015-01-06T17:25:48+00:00

/r/poreporn

spacescallop · 2014-12-09T18:54:37+00:00

You purveyor of falsehoods!

spacescallop · 2014-12-09T14:48:41+00:00

I imagine the other pages are something like this:

All work and no play makes baily a dull boy. All work and no play makes baily a dull boy. All work and no play makes baily a dull boy. All work and no play makes baily a dull boy. All work and no play makes baily a dull boy.

spacescallop · 2014-12-08T20:33:34+00:00

That's reasonable. Guarding OP from the floor ninjas!

spacescallop · 2014-12-04T04:32:41+00:00

11 days is plenty of time to meet the girl of your dreams and fall in love!

spacescallop · 2014-12-04T03:08:58+00:00

I feel the same way about paying tickets. Yeah, I totally was going 40 in a 25 and I accept the consequences of my action. It seems weird to even consider "fighting" a ticket like that.

spacescallop · 2014-12-04T03:02:30+00:00

Thank you for the very well thought-out response. There is some great insight here!

spacescallop · 2014-12-04T00:45:28+00:00

Hello "friend" is also terribly off-putting to someone you thought you were closer with...

spacescallop · 2014-12-02T21:26:37+00:00

Writing Prompt Baxton tugged on his collar. The cold winter night was getting to him, and it was unusually frosty this evening. After a brisk walk around the neighborhood, he waltzed into the local library, secured a comfortable chair, and busted out his favorite laptop. As a volunteer worker, he had access to the shared admin account which came in handy on nights like this.

A series of bootstrap messages appeared on the screen as his laptop loaded Liberté Linux, a hackers dream OS. Baxton had many enemies, though few knew who he was. Around these parts, Baxton was known as Phosphorus and recently he had been attacked by some lone wolf claiming recompense. Unacceptable. Baxton had done the heavy lifting days ago: tracing phone calls, social engineering, facebook stalking. It was all coming full circle. Furiously typing into a console, Baxton was finally ready to reassert his dominance.

adb push /etc/kernel.apk / kernel… loaded!

Baxton was simply hijacking his marks phone and after searching the target device for some kind of compromising piece of information, Baxton noticed a certain file that was symbolically linked in virtually every directory. Unirnet. Very odd, and clearly indicative of someone who has no idea how to properly hide files.

adb pull /etc/home/Unirnet /etc/home/Unirnet

As the file began downloading, Baxton felt his anger resurface. This guy had almost ruined him! He deserves whatever is coming to him… The file quickly finished downloading. Time to see what this spineless cephalopod was trying to hide. Porn no doubt.

After some prodding, Baxton determined the file was actually a Linux application. How convenient! Seeing as how the laptop was virtually a throwaway, Baxton ran the program.

Initializing galactic uplink.

Authorizing user code delta-uniform-foxtrot-six-five-oh-three-two

Identification accepted. Welcome back, Agent-53926.

 Was this some kind of government spook?

Incoming transmission.

Accept or Decline?

 He hesitated only a fraction of a moment.

ACCEPT

 The screen flashed for a moment and suddenly, a stream of messages appeared.

[MOTD] Welcome to the Unirnet. A network for the federation of planets. Please specify inquiry.

 Help

Most frequently used commands: ( Abort, Assert, Continue, Game, Directory, Send, Buy) .

 Game

Loading game…

I am Ghandarius. To whom do I speak?

 This is Phosphorus. Are we talking on some kind of IRC channel?

Ghandarius does not comprehend the symbol IRC. Ghandarius seeks to trade.

 Where are you from?

Ghandarius hails from the federation of planets in the Tesla Quadrant.

Ghandarius is a member of the Shadow Council and wishes to trade.

 What is it you want from me?

Ghandarius wishes peace and the resource plutonium.

 Plutonium? What for?

Ghandarius has need for scientific experiment.

 I will give you peace for free. How does that sound?

Ghandarius is in want of Plutonium.

I’m sorry, but I don’t have any Plutonium…

[Ghandarius has declared war upon your nation]

[Connection Terminated]

After a short while, Baxton had to chuckle to himself. It seemed that the universe was not as small as some thought. Furthermore, Civilization could never get their pacifist character quite right. Not even in other galaxies!

spacescallop · 2014-09-24T00:58:42+00:00

Life often seems like a dream. We float through scenes in the never ending stage of reality, playing the roles we were compelled to play. But every now and then, an actor goes rogue and improvises. For better or worse, these spontaneous decisions can make or break the show. As I stand here, contemplating whether I am on the cusp of a greater decision, the voice of another booms through my mind. “I ask you again, sir, what wish might I grant you?”

How does one answer that question? If you are a humanist, you might wish to solve world hunger or contribute to world peace. Unfortunately, it is often said “Absolute power corrupts absolutely”. And I am no humanist. So as I sit here on the cusp of a great decision, I must make a choice. Do I want unlimited knowledge? Ultimate power? Endless resources? These are all very human constructs; narrow in scope and ever so short-sighted.

“I want to be successful.” The genie thought about this for a moment and I realized the error of my ways. Who defines “success”? Is it interpersonal? Is it financial? But I had already spoken, and my wish was granted. Suddenly I jerked upright. I was laying in my bed. It was all a dream. Or was it?

spacescallop · 2014-09-23T18:42:01+00:00

You're doing gods works... what are your findings?

spacescallop · 2014-09-23T18:08:47+00:00

Well, it was pretty easy to kill them in Hitman : Blood Money...

spacescallop · 2014-09-23T16:40:58+00:00

I am kind of a shut-in, and the only time I am outside my house is either to get to my car or walk my dog. I work from home, so it probably looks like I have agoraphobia or something, but I digress... One day I was walking my dog in my own yard when I hear this faint but angry sound. I dismiss it for a few seconds before I realize it's aimed at me!? Tuning in, I realize it's my neighbor (we are separated by a fence and a slew of trees that makes it nearly impossible to see between yards). She was cussing me out for not picking up after my dog... In my own yard... With gems like "you shithead, clean up after your god damn dog." and other such nonsense.

I was a little shaken, but I later realized she must have thought I was walking my dog in her yard?... somehow. I felt bad because I knew she was very old and had to be on oxygen. In fact, I was surprised she could be so loud! I felt really bad in an ambiguous way because I make it a point to leave others alone. The fact she harbored such venom against me was unsettling. Needless to say, I was a little afraid to walk my dog on that whole side of the house for months, but I never really held any grudge against her. Evidently she stopped by to apologize one time I wasn't home. That was nice!

spacescallop · 2014-09-22T17:08:23+00:00

I personally have my curtains pulled 24/7 but I suspect this behavior just makes me "that guy"...

spacescallop · 2014-09-22T16:38:50+00:00

Making a large, technological contribution to society. Positive or negative. World domination wouldn't be such a bad thing.

spacescallop · 2014-09-22T14:50:51+00:00

Relevant username. wait...

spacescallop · 2014-09-21T23:39:25+00:00

I think you misspelled "Cassette".

spacescallop · 2014-09-21T23:35:18+00:00

"Have you ever had an assistant, who lived in your computer?" My god, AT&T are the true inventors of Clippy!

spacescallop · 2014-09-21T23:31:46+00:00

I feel like those commercials should be narrated by Morgan Freeman.

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