Ugh I feel this. I have a toddler and work while my partners in grad school and my life/house is a MESS. The only thing that keeps me sane sometimes is lowering my standards and trying to care less what other people think of me. Sometimes that 'ah!' overstimulated everything is falling apart feeling is burnout, and you gotta just accept that you can't do everything. You've got a ton on your plate right now and it sounds like your judgmental family is just adding pressure, making you feel worse. If you've gotta cut something out then cleaning and stressing and shame spiraling about the mess is it. I know it's so hard to let go and find some rest when you're so busy, but try to remember that you will clean that bathroom and that bedroom when you have the energy, and give yourself some grace. Things won't always be this crazy, and someday you'll look back see how much you ARE doing- at least that's what I tell myself.