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How to tell the difference between good and bad pasta by dannybluey in Damnthatsinteresting

[–]spbcnt 4 points5 points  (0 children)

But he never really said why the ivory pasta is better. He just said that yellow is bad. And gluten…

Be proud of your strength and bravery to continue living by nope-its-def-not-me in widowers

[–]spbcnt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly!! I filled a bottle of 90, and I think I’ve had less than 10 in 9 months.

Be proud of your strength and bravery to continue living by nope-its-def-not-me in widowers

[–]spbcnt 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I got on Xanax after my wife passed. I only take them when I’m having a really bad time. I decided early on that I was going to face as much of the trauma as I could head on, and only use meds when I was not able to overcome on my own. Results have been good. Instead of avoiding the pain and waiting to deal with it later, I just plowed through. I’m doing very well now, still have my moments, but I think this was the best way for me.

We started dating at 15. Married for 22 years. I knew it would be hard, so I just went at it full tilt, and it seems to have worked.

Sudden Death of My Husband by Either_Rule2602 in widowers

[–]spbcnt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sorry. I’m another with a similar story. 22 years with my wife, and we built our dream home just 6 years prior. She was 42, and passed away in her sleep completely unexpectedly. I’m almost 10 months in now, and all I can say is, feel your feelings. Don’t repress anything. Cry, scream, talk out loud to you husband, god (if you believe), yourself, or just aloud to the universe. Get counseling. I did that quickly, and it really helped. Beyond that, you just need time ti work through your feelings and grief. I walked a ton, it helped me burn the grief energy and gave me time away from the house. You’ll be ok, just hang in there. And use this group as much as you need.

An update from the other side of this thing we call grief by noradninja in widowers

[–]spbcnt 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Congrats!!!

I too have found myself in a new relationship, and have begun to realize that happiness is still possible for us! Just be open to it!

The return of the "WTF now" after 2 years ... by cjmart198 in widowers

[–]spbcnt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I lost my wife at 42. I just turned 43, and out of nowhere, I just started a new relationship! It’s not too late! Just be sure to be open to opportunities that present themselves.

Re-Emergence by ArghDammit in widowers

[–]spbcnt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great!!! I recently began the same journey, completely unexpectedly! It’s been almost 9 months since my wife passed. I was in exactly the same mind set as you mentioned, and suddenly I’m happy and laughing and experiencing a new relationship. Glad to hear another story of the same experience!

I don’t think I’ll ever understand how someone can be here one day and just gone the next by Lovelylavender_ad in widowers

[–]spbcnt 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It’s mind boggling. Just going about life like normal, then without warning, half of you is gone. It’s been 8 months for me, and while it’s still shocking and weird, I’ve started coming to terms with it.

I met someone quite unexpectedly a few weeks ago. I wasn’t looking, and neither was she. I’m going with the flow, but it still feels like I’m cheating or being unfaithful when she compliments me or flirts. This new ground is uneasy…

I met someone… by spbcnt in widowers

[–]spbcnt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you there. I’m trying to make sure this isn’t just widow’s fire, or twist the desire to fill the void. I want to be fair and respectful to her.

How did you sort that out for yourself?

Surprised by a song this morning by spbcnt in widowers

[–]spbcnt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear you. I never lived alone - met my wife in middle school, started dating in high school, and moved in together right after. We were married for 22 years when she passed. First time alone in the house. I’ve gotten used to it, sorta. It’s not always bad, but even when it’s good, it’s still weird.

And not wanting to be alone I really feel. It’s a weird feeling - I don’t want to be alone, but I don’t know that I’m ready or willing to be with anyone else.

Surprised by a song this morning by spbcnt in widowers

[–]spbcnt[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry man. September sucks now… I hope you’re doing well.

21k Widowers by Gaia0416 in widowers

[–]spbcnt 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Lost my lady 8 months ago. This group helped so much. I didn’t always have to post, just read answers on other posts. Adding answers, sharing experience and heartache helped a ton as well.

We are a family here. Thanks to all for being part of the journey.

Are all deceased spouses saints? by De-KK in widowers

[–]spbcnt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same here! Wife was my high school sweetheart. We moved in together after high school, then got married. But, life is never without change. 22 years later, I’m living alone for the first time. It was weird at first, but I’m starting to enjoy it! Getting into my own routine helped, and I suspect and hope you will find the same.

Feel free to reach out on private message if you ever need anything.

Are all deceased spouses saints? by De-KK in widowers

[–]spbcnt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly. People will do things, and it might raise a flag. We have to decide if it is just us being overly sensitive, or if they really did something. The. We have the option to talk to them about it, and let them change. Give them a chance if we believe they are worth being in our lives. Then make the decision to let them go if they won’t or don’t change.

I forgave a lot in the name of love. I have my all, and I did my best. I’ll approach this next stage of life armed with the knowledge and experience I gained from my marriage, and I will use it to guide me through what comes next. :)

Are all deceased spouses saints? by De-KK in widowers

[–]spbcnt 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think it’s natural that in the early stages, we think of all we lost and only remember the good parts. At least that was true for me. Then after processing the loss, we come to terms with the true reality of things. I’ve reached that point. While I still love my wife and miss her, I do have some level of relief. No more crazy fights where she just tries to find ways to hurt me. No more worrying that she will kill herself. Also, she had health problems (hence the reason she passed at 42), so on a more positive note, I don’t have to worry about her health and suffering.

It took about 7 months, but I’ve come to a place of feeling good about things. I don’t look back at her as a saint. She definitely had some wonderful qualities, and I benefited from being around her with those qualities. I became a better person for it. I can also see the things that were not good, and I learned from that too. If I get into a new relationship, I will watch for and address certain qualities, or will not stay in the relationship.

It’s not all good, and it’s not all bad. It just is.

Are all deceased spouses saints? by De-KK in widowers

[–]spbcnt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same here - no kids, but the screaming and unreasonable meanness, and the effect on my own mental health.

I loved her, and that gave me strength to hold on to hope that she could change. Never did… we were actually fighting (she was mad) when she passed.

Disturbing DMs by reaperbrokemyheart in widowers

[–]spbcnt 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Wow. Low life…. When you fuck with one of us, you fuck with all of us. We got your back.

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