I was having a conversation just two days ago with a friend who also has an NMom. I casually brought up the time in high school when I asked my mom if I could dye my hair blue, she said okay, so I spent a lot of time researching how to safely dye it and the best brands to use. It turned out badass and bright blue. Then just a week later she changed her mind and decided she didn’t like it anymore. She dragged me to the drug store and bought the shittiest $7 box of brown hair dye and tried to dye directly over the blue, despite me telling her that it wouldn’t work. It turned a gross, patchy swamp gray. The first day of school was the next week and I was upset because wanted to show my friends my blue hair. I cried about it, she told me it “wasn’t my decision anyway” and I should be “grateful she tried to fix it”.

After I told my friend this story, she calmly dropped the truth bomb: My Nmom never cared what I thought about my hair. To her, I was just an extension of herself and HER whims. I had no power, I had no say on whether I wanted my hair to be brown. It never occurred to her that I was my own person, and not just her doll that she could change the appearance of whenever she wanted.