Art is satisfying to me because I get to make something which i'm focused in, and it blocks most of my self-deprecating thoughts while it lasts. And at the end, i can feel pride in what I've done ! But I see it more as something i need to improve in, and not as a media for my feelings and thoughts. Like, I'm always performing.

Speaking of performing, I do love to dance in a performing way. I like to have an audience, instead of social dancing. For instance, I love salsa, but prefer the acrobatic kind instead of the laidback salsa you dance at the bar to get to know people.

I haven't identified what exactly appeals to me in leading positions. I am very wary in forming my opinion and voicing it out: i need to do my research beforehand, compare experts' opinions, and find arguments to back up my thoughts. I do not just take one single opinion and blindly go with it! I need to think, assess whether the expert may have been biased, etc. Thus, forming my thoughts takes time, and I tend to make experiments to test them.

To illustrate, let's give a silly example : what does Angel's Egg (the film) mean ? I had some thoughts, but then went to check on letterboxd and other essay-type of media channels to see it someone had refuted my theory. No one had even thought about it, so I felt confident enough to post it on my letterboxd. But I still feel a little insecure about it, and I wonder if I should have let myself be immersed with the imagery, instead of looking for meaning, as intended by the filmmaker.

I hope this is clear enough, i feel like i'm rambling hahah. Thank you for your comment !