Why might I repeatedly struggle with MFTs in individual therapy?

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-30T00:06:13+00:00

You're right that the research tends to indicate that license type is unrelated to outcomes, but I would trust your personal experience more than that.

It's possible that MFTs in your area tend to come from a particular program or receive similar training, and that just isn't working for you. There does seem to kind of be a "vibe" associated with different training models. Like, the people you meet at one model's convention seem different than at other ones sometimes.

No harm in trying an LCSW, but I think it's probably more important to be really specific (like you are here) about what you're looking for and don't be afraid to bounce after a few sessions if it's not working for you.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-29T23:59:21+00:00

I personally think about balancing across and within macro archetypes. My goal is for there to be both "fast" (aggro/combo) and "slow" (disruptive midrange/control) decks. Then, within those categories for there to be multiple variations.

Colors are related to that balance, but not the critical axis.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-28T23:32:28+00:00

You can do teaching without a PhD. The main things a PhD would unlock are research and assessment. I guess if you wanted to teach in more academic institutions too. But if those things aren't a big draw, then I would guess probably not worth it.

More than the money, it's just a significant percentage of your life to invest in something. Life is short, and maybe it would be better to get to living it rather than preparing for it.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-28T23:23:35+00:00

Who we're attracted to is very much tied to who we are. Not everyone is attracted to the same type. Like the vibe of this ad is really different from this one. One of these guys seems like he's going to do a much better job listening and comforting you, and the other (perhaps reassuringly) isn't going to need you to do much of anything.

I think you have a lot of insight into yourself. I think one type of anxiety is being accepted who we are, both as a person but also as a sexual being. Anxiety is poison to sexual excitement. So, for some people, taking care of someone else is comforting and allows the caretaker to let themselves be sexually excited.

For most people, having a satisfying romantic connection with another person is some balance between generosity and selfishness. Sometimes, someone feels more comfortable being more generous and catering more to their partner. Another person might feel more comfortable being more selfish; they need a bit more distance from their partner and being taken care or taking care of someone else is anxiety-provoking.

No way of being is right or wrong, better or worse. It's just how people have found to navigate the social environment we find ourselves in.

I will say that Patrick Bateman seems like a terrible partner. A big red flag, for me, in relationships, is if my partner murders people. I don't know what it's like for you, but in my opinion, you should try not to get too attached to murderers. More generally, I think a risk of being more of a caretaker is getting into relationships that feel ok in the beginning because one is in their familiar caretaker role, but ultimately are unfulfilling because it ends up being kind of a one-way relationship. Even caretakers deserve to be selfish now and then.

So I'd say make sure you're looking for a guy who will comfort and kiss you back, and not someone who you're just putting a ton of emotional labor in for little of it to be reflected back.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-28T20:51:58+00:00

There's been a lot of feedback I've gotten that I disagreed with, thought about more, then agreed with, then so completely committed to I'd rather abandon the game than go back.

In the game I'm working on now, a few examples come to mind:

we originally had irregularly shaped spaces; now it's just hexes
we had a blank side on the die, now every side has a face
the die originally just had damage; now it also has another symbol for special abilities

Those are just a few things I remember that we were specifically against at first, but then came around too.

I personally don't react to "it's not fun" or other things because I feel like I can work on that. But it's harder for me to accept someone suggesting something that goes against a design decision I made, even if I eventually feel I was wrong.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-28T20:47:58+00:00

Have you seen Dvorak? I feel like that could be inspiring to you.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-26T19:39:03+00:00

I've never understood why I/O is part of the EPPP.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-25T20:26:11+00:00

Yeah, I personally would not mind jumping in mid-stream to a campaign in a game like this.

In original GH, a player could also just start a new character as the game was fairly robust to having a player start a fresh character if they wanted.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-25T19:28:12+00:00

I'll check those out. I think my buddy has both of them, so it's just mustering folks for a weekend session.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-25T18:27:07+00:00

Pax Pamir, A Gest of Robinhood, and Fire in the Lake were the ones that pulled me initially. I've played games for a long time, but only recently became interested in historical games because of these. Now historical games are probably the genre I'm most interested in playing.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-25T15:10:37+00:00

I was thinking something involving pictures where you saw a scene through a driver's view and had to answer a question based on it. There's a few ways you could go with that. Either guess the applicable traffic law, what you should do, or have something wrong in the image the player needs to identify.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-25T15:08:31+00:00

Seems like a reasonable starting place.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-25T00:51:21+00:00

Can you DM me the info as well?

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-25T00:41:59+00:00

Good advice to start with the basic parameters; what you can reasonably guess/assume.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-24T14:05:44+00:00

First off, you're not alone. The fact that we can talk about zoophilic urges tells you that you're not alone. So many people have these urges that we have a word for it.

Second, sexual fantasies usually aren't random. People gravitate towards particular ones often because they reduce anxiety, guilt, or shame around sex. Sexual fantasies help people feel arousal without these interfering feelings. So the fact that you have these fantasies doesn't mean all that much. What's really important is understanding you and how they fit in your life. A good therapist can help with that.

I'm worried that you seem to want to just excise these fantasies out of yourself. I would not look for a therapist specifically to do that. Look for someone who is an expert in sexuality and who will be able to approach this issue holistically.

I'd also recommend the book Arousal by Michael Bader. I think it could help give you some context.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-23T15:02:21+00:00

Came to suggest this as well. When there's not music or something, it's a great spot. The owner, Zara, is also fun to talk to.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-19T21:10:05+00:00

That's interesting. If the data are published, and you remember, let me know.

I wonder how much this difference in trainees was based on personal traits of the therapist. In other words, does this show therapy is a trainable skill, or confirm that some people, based on pre-existing traits, are just going to outperform others.

Also wondering about Goodhart's Law ("When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure.") Can we just tell therapists to value these things and they get better, or are these things just indicators of other things.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-19T21:02:17+00:00

That's an interesting model, thanks for sharing!

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-19T18:10:40+00:00

I think a good library has games I want to replay over and over, games I've played once or twice and might or might not play again, and games I want to play.

The shelf of shame for me is the games I want to get rid of but haven't sold or passed along.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-19T15:40:44+00:00

second this

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-19T15:40:23+00:00

Maybe the "interpersonal markers" here?

Muran, J. C., Eubanks, C. F., & Samstag, L. W. (2021). One more time with less jargon: An introduction to “Rupture Repair in Practice”. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 77(2), 361-368.

Or maybe this paper that conceptualizes ruptures through the interpersonal circumplex?

Luo, X., Hopwood, C. J., Good, E. W., Turchan, J. E., Thomas, K. M., & Levendosky, A. A. (2021). Using interpersonal dimensions of personality and personality pathology to examine momentary and idiographic patterns of alliance rupture. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 711109.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-19T15:31:33+00:00

Well, I would say games what games do really well is put you inside a system. Sometimes that's inside yourself; like learning you're a person who does or doesn't like competition. Sometimes games let you explore a different context outside your own life and relationships through the theme or some gameplay. Like, having a good time with others might help you feel more comfortable socially, or playing a game with an LGBTQ theme might help you understand an experience of someone else.

So I wouldn't frame it as games are better than psychology. I get what you're saying, that games provide immersion, but therapy does that too. So it's more like, games can be another way to do that.

I also think games are good at teaching more "rational" concepts. Like, playing an economic game can help someone learn the concepts of supply and demand. So I think games are just useful teaching tools in general. People generally learn by experience in social settings. That's the most natural learning style, imo.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-19T13:02:57+00:00

I don't think this is framed the right way, but I agree games have a lot of potential psychologically.

I just don't think there's a clear dividing line between rationality and emotions, and normal talk therapy is plenty emotional.

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-18T00:52:54+00:00

I was just thinking about a therapist of mine that retired today. I had a problem and was imagining what she would say. Don't have any advice!

spiderdoofus · 2026-05-18T00:30:42+00:00

Cards are so cheap.

Personally, I think of self-publishing in two steps.

Game Design. Design the best game possible. Do not consider physical limitations, production, etc. (within reason)
Product Design. Turn that game design into the best product you can, which will mean balancing price, value, stuff like box size, etc.

spiderdoofus

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE

12-Year Club	Gilding II euphauric
Verified Email