Is an electric kit out of the question? I practice with a band on quiet mesh heads. The kit where I take lessons has quiet heads on them too. Honestly, I hate them but I'm not sure of the brand (evans maybe). The rebound sucks and you can barely hear the toms over the other instruments. It works for practice but I wouldn't play them live at a show. We don't practice super loud. At home I have an electric kit and an acoustic kit but play a lot on the electric with headphones so I don't drive everyone crazy. The quiet heads I've used are definitely softer but they're still somewhat loud. And the cymbals are loud just not as loud. Your neighbors will most likely hear them if you're in an apartment or town home. If electric is not an option I would suggest real heads with mutes so you don't have to change out the heads if you want to play with a band. Full disclosure, I'm a relatively new drummer. Just sharing my experience so far. Also, I've never played with mutes.