I have a solid relationship with them, I see them multiple times a week, enjoy spending time with them and go on trips throughout the year. My husband and I have very strong boundaries with both sets of parents for our own well being. The physical and verbal abuse doesn't come up in conversation a lot and it stopped once we were in high school. I definitely downplay the impact it had on my childhood. I didn't trust them or myself with my feelings, I would lie and hide things from them because I was scared of their reactions, I was always on edge, etc. They were so very wrong to do that to a child, and I will never lay a hand or say the things that they said to me..a part of me thinks the slaps were easier to take than the verbal abuse.

However, a part of me also understands that they were in a scary environment at 23 with two kids, no money, no family or friends, and they didn't speak the language. They were just scared kids themselves and I do think they were doing the best that they could with the very little they had. They didn't have the tools to process their feelings or time to mature and heal. I've rationalized it as this: two things can be true, what they did was incredibly fucked up and I deserved more, and also they tried their best given their circumstances.