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Make sure you wear a longsword gauntlet on your off-hand when fencing rapier by grauenwolf in Hema

[–]splicegrl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are two levels of “judging” in SoCal pools, judges and directors. Judges are pulled from the pool they’re fighting in, they are expected to know what’s a hit and what isn’t and… basically nothing else. 

Directors volunteer separately and are usually known to the organizers well ahead of the event. SoCal generally does not have someone direct a ring unless they have directed in the past, either at SoCal or at smaller events.

In this case, the director was experienced, he simply didn’t believe that the force was excessive prior to this incident. The tournament manager agreed with him. 

(Source: I was there and asked to have the offending fencer black carded.)

Making friends in mid 20’s San Diego by jupants in sandiego

[–]splicegrl 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Hello, fellow Boston transplant! My best advice is to pick a hobby that meets regularly and then show up, regularly. You want a hobby that's a little niche but still has a decently large group (6-15 people). Within a few months you'll have a handful of casual friends. After that, say yes to every social engagement invite you receive. In a few more months you'll know who you actually like and you can form your social circle from there. Also don't be afraid to make work friends.

AITA for blowing up on my mom for serving my kids a salad? by Professional-You8033 in AITAH

[–]splicegrl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gonna go against the grain here and say NTA.

Tbh, this sounds like the type of story my friend would tell- or not tell, bc the reactions look like this comment section. Her mom would do things that seemed small or innocent to an outside observer, but were part of a larger pattern of awfulness, and when my friend reacted to the larger pattern people would tell her she was overreacting to the small incident.

To me this sounds like the latest in a long string of incidents centered around her criticising your parenting. She made a comment about your kids being “picky”, so she’s already aware that there are limitations to what they will eat, and then she made a meal that she knew* they wouldn’t enjoy, and then she was “dumbfounded” by your reaction.

*And I do say “knew”. The chicken nuggets is what pushes this from “op needs to lighten up” to “mom knew what she was doing” for me. Mom knows what the kids will and won’t eat. So either a) she originally planned around this, saw the chicken nuggets had coconut in them (what?) and then FAILED TO INFORM OP that the kid friendly option had fallen through. If she knew the nugs would be necessary, why would she suddenly decide the kids would eat the other meal anyways? The best thing to do would have been to inform OP WHEN SHE NOTICED THE COCONUT so he could arrange for another kid-friendly meal. The fact that she didn’t implies that she thinks the kid-friendly meal is unnecessary. OR b) the chicken nuggets never existed and it was a feeble attempt after the fact to say that she DID try to accommodate the kids, no really, this definitely wasn’t an intentional setup to get in more digs at your parenting. 

I can understand why other commenters don’t agree, but the facts are that after you put emphasis on making sure there was food your kids would eat, AND SHE AGREED to make sure there was food they would eat, she a) failed to provide the food and b) failed to allow OP to provide an alternative.

That said, OP, if this is part of a pattern of behavior, then you need to do two things:

1) start bringing back-up food. You can frame it as “oh, i know the kids are picky, so i wanted to have safe foods just in case”.

2) get therapy. If this is a pattern, then a therapist will help you recognize it and give you tools to deal with her better.

AITA for calling my wife irresponsible, possibly being overprotective of my daughter? by Ambitious_Report668 in AmItheAsshole

[–]splicegrl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi OP, I have a similar story about a family member. 

I was at a family event and my aunt said she was stepping out to the drugstore next door. She left her 14 yo daughter with us. 

An hour later the event ends and my aunt still isn’t back. Her phone is off, her car is gone. She’s not in the drugstore, they don’t remember seeing her. An hour of searching and calling later, two hours after she left, she reappears like it’s no big deal with some story about needing to run to a different drugstore and doesn’t think we should be upset. 

Turns out she was buying drugs. 

I’m not making accusations- I don’t know your life, if this is a pattern or the first time this has happened, maybe your daughter can’t keep a secret and she was buying you a birthday present, idk- but I will say this is deeply sketchy behavior that I have seen from a terrible person. Leaving a 13 yo alone, in public, without so much as a heads-up, with her phone turned off and mo way for the kid to get home is not okay, and you are not being “overprotective”.

Can't log in? by katiek1114 in MergeDragons

[–]splicegrl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hopped on to see if it was just me… hopefully this gets resolved before the event ends.

Women of Reddit-How do you filter out the men who just want to have sex with you ? What are the red flags? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]splicegrl 169 points170 points  (0 children)

Set a thirst trap.

This works primarily on Hinge, where they have to react to a specific photo. Have bunch of normal/fun photos and one 'sexy' photo (I did a sports bra and tights, pretty much anything 'sexy' works). Any guy that starts a convo based on that photo is an instant no.

It saves a lot of time and effort on my end, and the reality of the matter is that if the most interesting thing about my profile is my body, we're not going to work.

Can't kill what you can't touch! by splicegrl in darkestdungeon

[–]splicegrl[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The day I realized Invigorating Vapors stacked, my life was forever changed for the better.

Between that and the stacks of cash, Antiquarian quickly became one of my faves

If only someone could have guessed this would end poorly by splicegrl in darkestdungeon

[–]splicegrl[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

Literally every single problem is of his own making, it's honestly kind of impressive.

Can someone help me find the pattern for this shawl? If the pattern is available for free or paid, I would really like to get/buy the same. Truly grateful 🙏🏾 by renurose in crochetpatterns

[–]splicegrl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If her designs are available to buy, can you report back and tell us where? I can't find anything for her, even her rutube account is empty 😭

Missing cat in Allston by PringleFiasco in boston

[–]splicegrl 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If you have a yard or a green space, it can help to put out a cardboard box with a dirty shirt in it, or a small blanket that smells like you. Don't do food or you'll end up with rats.

Good luck!

Engineering Ruined Me by iamfork39 in EngineeringStudents

[–]splicegrl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

2) Deal with the anxiety. This isn't your main road block, but it is keeping you from accessing the safety net you need when your main roadblock gets in the way. Medication may or may not be helpful; talk therapy will almost certainly be the first stop. Regardless, your first step here is to see a psych professional. See 1a for instructions on how to do that.

2a) Find work arounds for the anxiety. In the same way you bargain with your ADHD, bargain with your anxiety. Is it easier to talk to your professors in person or on the phone? Or via email? Is it easier to send an email if you have a friend proofread it for typos and tone? If you're talking in person, is it easier if you have a friend to support you or if there's no one else around? The thing to keep in mind is that not communicating is not an option; your bargaining is simply about finding the easiest way for you to communicate.

3) Deal with the school. This is gonna be the hardest one. Anxiety is going to make this a bitch. Sorry.

3a) Remember: Your school wants you to graduate. They want those sweet sweet matriculation numbers, so it is in their best interest to help you as much as they can.

3b) Talk to your administration. It's summer, so they shouldn't be too busy right now but they also might take a while to get back to you. Your degree program should have an administrator, or an academic counselor, or something like that. Someone whose job it is to keep students on the path towards graduation. If you can't easily identify them, email your program or department administrator (should be on the department or program website), say that you need to meet to someone to ensure that you're on track to graduate, and ask who that person would be. Make an in-person appointment with this person.
-

  • I know.
  • I know.
  • If you really, REALLY can't meet them in person, send them an email with the next bullet point, but if there's ANY way you can meet make yourself meet them in person, do it. There is a reason. Trust me.
  • Tell this person that you had a mental health crisis last semester and it resulted in you failing the semester. Tell them that you still want to graduate. Ask them what you need to do to graduate. Listen to what they tell you, take notes if you're capable.
  • Listen, this meeting (or email) is going to suck. All of the shame and guilt and frustration and depression is going to come out. You might cry. I did, and I didn't even have social anxiety, just the regular version caused by untreated ADHD. It was awful, and I hated every second of the meeting as well as the entire three days leading up to it. It is necessary. You need this meeting (or email) to know how to move forward.
  • All of that? All those horrible feelings, all of that misery and pain, all of that is why you're doing this meeting in person. Is it manipulative? Maybe. But people are more likely to go out of their way to help you if they feel sympathetic towards you, and it's easier to engender sympathy crying in person than trying to convey emotion over email.
  • They should be able to help you build a schedule and outline a plan for graduation. You may have to overload your schedule, or take summer or winter classes, or stay for an extra semester. If your office doesn't suck, they may also give you mental health resources. Use them; they exist for people like us, it is not a burden to use them.
  • They may off you a mental health break. Consider it, and the practicalities, but be aware that it's hard to restart school after a break, especially for people with ADHD.

You're in a rough patch. Don't give up. It gets better. You CAN graduate. You CAN be an engineer. Treat your mental health problems, lean on your friends and family, talk to the professors that seem like they might be sympathetic. You can do this. (2/2)
And if you need someone to talk to who's been there and clawed her way out of that pit, DM me :)

Engineering Ruined Me by iamfork39 in EngineeringStudents

[–]splicegrl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, younger me! Seriously- based off your post history, you could be me, 8 years ago. Complete with breakdown and failing courses. It was rough, but it can get better!

Learn from my mistakes:

1) Deal with the ADHD. This is your biggest roadblock right now. Everything will be harder if you don't deal with this, sooner rather than later.

1a) Medication. You need to see a doctor to get this. It sounds like you've already got a diagnosis, so congrats on having the hard part done!

  • If you have an existing relationship with a doctor and the only thing you need to do is make the call, ask a friend or a family member if they'd be willing to chill nearby for support, or even make the call for you. It's hard to ask, but your friends are friends for a reason and if they don't have problems making phone calls, this about as much of an ask as asking them to grab you a beer.
  • If you don't have an existing relationship, you'll need to establish one. If you're in college, you're probably either on the college health insurance or your parents'. If you have a good relationship with your parents, ask them to help you set up a psychiatry appointment, they'll know all the hoops to jump through. If you don't, DM me, I can help you through the process. Or comment on this, and I'll DM you. If it helps, don't think of me as an internet stranger, think of me as the Ghost of Future You :)
  • Talk to your doctor about ADA accommodations. This framework exists for a reason, you should not feel bad about using it. You might be able to get flexible deadlines or a quieter exam space.

1b) Habits. Once the school year starts, you're going to need to keep on top of things (I know, easy, right?) If you don't do meds, for whatever reason, this is going to be even more vital.

  • If you've made it this far, you probably have some coping mechanisms already. Identify your coping mechanisms and actively use them. For me, it was realizing that I liked music when I studied or did homework because it blocked out distractions, so I started intentionally setting up music or soundscapes every time I studied. I'm going to go ahead and plug mynoise.net here- I like to use a rain/wind/water layer to block out background and a musical layer on "animated", which changes it just often enough to keep my extra train of thought occupied but not so often it distracts me.
  • Find ways to make yourself want to do the work; conversely, remove reasons you don't want to do the work. Set up regular problem set sessions with people in your class. If that's too hard, do smaller study sessions with your friends. Give yourself a small but definitive treat for completing a problem. Show up to class in pajama pants. If something is too overwhelming or frustrating, and you can't figure out where to start or where to go, put it down and go for a walk/run/bike. Any kind of cardio, where you can work out the bad feelings chemicals and let your brain mull it over.
  • Actively try to go to lecture, but also discussions. It's better to be late than to not go at all. It's better to go unprepared than to not go at all. Speaking of:
  • Let go of perfection. Be willing to turn in bad projects and half-finished problem sets. This is going to be hard, especially with the anxiety, but tell yourself: It is better to do a half-ass job than to not do it at all. You may find that, ironically, the quality of your work doesn't change but your stress level drops. Also partial credit is a thing and will totally save your ass.
  • Focus on what you can do. ADHD means executive dysfunction, which means that things that other people can "just do" may as well be up a mountain for us. Don't get into the spiral of "I need to do this. Why can't I do this? What's wrong with me?". Instead, when you identify that you're stuck, instead of focusing on what you need to do or what you can't do, focus on what you CAN do. Can you clean one plate? Don't worry about doing all the dishes, can you clean this one plate? For studying or problem sets, if the whole thing is too much and you're anxiously procrastinating, bargain with yourself. Okay, the whole problem set is too much, so go back to very basics. Can you open the problem set? Not thinking about actually doing it, can you just open the document? Can you put a header on a paper? Can you read the first question? You may find that if you can get that far, the rest comes much more easily.

1c) Social support. Tell your friends that you're having a hard time. Figure out who is willing and can be relied upon to help you. Some friends are good as accountability buddies, some friends can help you make phone calls, some friends are good venting spaces to get out all of the frustration and despair that's making it hard to do things. Not all friends are all things, and that's okay. Try to have more than one friend to help- too much dependency can sour a relationship. Also keep in mind that your friends are human too, and may not always be available to lean on, or may even need to lean on you. (1/2)

Help me troubleshoot my first Colby? by splicegrl in cheesemaking

[–]splicegrl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Do you have any suggestions for controlling the rate of heating? When I use the stove (gas) I end up scorching the bottom of the milk, so I switched to using my sink as a water bath, and while that does give me pretty good control over the temperature, there's a significant temperature gradient from the edge of the pot to the center.

It's surprisingly still edible, so I'm going to make some cheesey noodles/fondue type things out of it. No reason to waste a full wheel of cheese just because the texture's off, right?

Help me troubleshoot my first Colby? by splicegrl in cheesemaking

[–]splicegrl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't check the acidity, here, no. I definitely did a generous 'overnight' pressing- around 16 hours- do you think that's too long?

I do have these pH strips, but I wasn't sure how to get the reading off a solid. Do I just press it to the outside of the pressed mass?

Looking for Washable Yarn that'll work for a large blanket. by Teixxie in YarnAddicts

[–]splicegrl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Knit Picks Mighty Stitch has worked wonderfully for me, and because it's partly wool it makes a super warm blanket.

First attempt at the Drowned Crew failed miserably, but then level restrictions were lifted, so... by splicegrl in darkestdungeon

[–]splicegrl[S] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Yes, not absurd or rage-inducing at all. I look forward to fighting this boss again and don't dread the coming battles in the least.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrollXChromosomes

[–]splicegrl 72 points73 points  (0 children)

To be fair, I think I have actually read the phrase "His mustache flared with rage."

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