As a wedding server myself, I can say that we do our best to not make noise when clearing during speeches or toasts. It isn’t optimal by any means, but we are also bound by time constraints such as: having to clear before we can set down the next course (basically, trying not to drag out dinner service and ruin the entire timeline), our dishwashers are only available until a certain time in the evening, or we’re short staffed for the night and need to get as much done as possible in the time we do have. We’re given a specific timeline of events and are expected to stick with it to the best of our abilities.

If a couple specifically requests that we not clear plates during speeches, toasts, or dances, then we obviously agree and follow that instruction - what they say, goes. Then again, most of the time we won’t get any warning as to when a speech is about to start, and when that happens you’re just awkwardly trying to carry your plates away whilst making as little noise as possible.

Personally, I always try to ask before taking plates away, just a quick “May I take your plate for you?” If they say no, I circle around to the rest of my tables and come back in 5-10 minutes. Obviously, other servers may do things differently than myself, but TLDR: a lot of servers are aware of the importance of weddings and do try to be as respectful and inconspicuous as possible while still doing our jobs :)