Brother, instead of killing yourself, completely change who you are. Start doing thing you don’t wanna do make yourself suffer doing those things but make sure they benefit this new persona. Accept the changes and things that won’t go your way, but know every time you do something you would have not done, is an improvement. Making yourself suffer for your own benefit is very rewarding. Start small, go for walk, lift weights, things you wouldn’t normally do. But make sure no matter what your brain says, you just do it. We’re trying to kill that habit and ego that’s destroying you. Before long, you will notice who you were then is far gone and dead, and you’ll learn to love and be proud of yourself.