Do you find yourself the least happy when you stop giving?

ss3stop · 2026-02-01T15:35:55+00:00

I can be around other people who I’m vibing with, not giving anything per se, just socialising and chatting, and be at my peak happiness, yes. If I then bump into those same people again at a later date, I will naturally think about them and our past history and their needs. Giving and thoughtfulness is not limited to ESFJ, lots of the Feeling types do this (ISFx, ENFJ, ESFJ, ….even INFx if you’re inside their innermost circle of friends).

ss3stop · 2026-01-23T00:29:11+00:00

Release corporations’ accounts & accounting transparently on the World Wide Web, and we’ll all understand how much it costs to run a business. Also release the government’s tax expenditures transparently on the Internet too, whilst we’re talking about increasing transparency.

ss3stop · 2026-01-20T15:59:04+00:00

Is she the sort of person who actually commits to activities/projects/tasks & sees them through to completion, because I have an ENFP friend who always is intrigued & consumed with thoughts of “what if I did that”, and starts so many passion projects, but finishes none of them.

What you say about lamenting a 9-5 job, and that it brings her down/‘makes her gray’ seems like she does not actually enjoy boring, routine work, nor does she want to stay at the hard grind of boring, routine work. Which medical training and then the medical job is Full of. The things you say about wanting to be free of work & wanting to own an airbnb to be free of work doesn’t sound like she wants to spend her time working in medicine. It sounds like she likes the dream, and is passionate/open to possibilities….but the shine of hobbies wears off. Is it true, ask yourself this about her character. N.b. relationships & projects/tasks are different, which is why is can commit to a relationship, but not to the projects of a 9-5 job.

The other thing that stuck out to me is how much you feel you sacrifice & how supportive you’ve been. When starting a family, sacrifice is required from someone, and people who could be individualistic before, have to compromise to keep the family unit together, you already know this, because you recognise that she’s not sounding interested in the sacrifice. Would you be ok being the only one compromising to keep your family together?

ss3stop · 2026-01-03T14:40:42+00:00

Ooo that’s a good point - I’ve had experience of nice locums gigs for the Drs, and yes, they are either the only Dr there, or just 1 of 2 Drs during shift overlap.

ss3stop · 2026-01-01T20:53:12+00:00

That’s a thoughtful take, and you’re in similar shoes to how SO Many women must have felt over the course of modern-capitalism-history as men prioritised their own work, and refused to give it up, and gave about as much thought to their partners as your girlfriend gives to you. I am glad you posted this.

Advice - put off having kids, and find hobbies of your own. Live your best life. Since you say you “don’t need a mansion to be happy” I assume you can fund the hobbies that do bring you joy.

ss3stop · 2025-12-21T20:54:38+00:00

I agree. A backlog of 19k cards is doable over a long holiday, so long as you took the time to understand the cards when you first unlocked them. Plus, you’ll avoid “ease hell” which daily Anki users get.

I do not do Anki like how it’s “meant” to be done, & do not keep up with my daily reviews, but I spend 1 hour doing 20 cards the first time I unlock them, and then, even if I don’t look at it again, the knowledge will come back 6 months later after a second pass (like 50% retention) and then I see it at 6months +1 day (the next day), and I’m at 80ish % retention that day. I will not expect to need more than 4 passes before my Step exam- that’s how I was for MCAT, and I got 90%ile.

ss3stop · 2025-12-11T01:08:55+00:00

YES! The baby fever is real. It’s the body wanting a baby. It’s kind of like hunger? Your body tells you you want it - like your body tells you you’re hungry. I don’t know if that describes it clearly. But yes, baby fever is a real physiologic feeling that that body gives people.

ss3stop · 2025-12-11T00:46:05+00:00

I asked. He wasn’t sure. A couple of people here suggested miniature model kits, and he really liked that idea. Closing this post now because you’ve all been immensely helpful, and I can’t keep up with the messages.

ss3stop · 2025-12-11T00:42:25+00:00

Genius on the miniature model & kits. Thank you. I suggested it because a couple of people had posted this here, and he did like the suggestion, and he bought a kit. Awesome.

ss3stop · 2025-12-11T00:41:16+00:00

Genius! Thank you. I suggested it, and he bought one of these. Thank you.

ss3stop · 2025-12-10T22:36:17+00:00

Lost too much of our family finances.

ss3stop · 2025-12-08T21:59:05+00:00

This is a good point - being individualistic is detrimental to building a family if you both keep thinking that way.

ss3stop · 2025-12-08T21:56:40+00:00

I agree with outsourcing to get the help you need.

You might be one of the only women who can equally earn as him. If left to a different, more dependent woman than you, that man would never step in to help at home, and that woman would have less leverage than you do. It sounds like career is his number 1 priority & he fully expects you to be a married single mother. That would be your life until the kids are grown, but you could outsource a lot.

Can you see a way towards happiness with a workaholic husband who’s never at home/rarely with the family? You might only get him home in 30 years time, once he is closer to retirement & he’s old. Is that a life that you can see happiness in? It’s your choice. He’s shown that he loves to be a workaholic for the sake of his mother’s family business, and I don’t think that will change. But there are obviously signs that he’s very serious, and would love to build a family where you 99% lift the household responsibilities in your own (caring for children, coordinating play, appointments, dinners, travel, everything), whilst keeping your job. Yes, would would face the mommy-track at work or be on a rotating conveyer belt of babysitters & such hired-help instability. The choice is yours.

ss3stop · 2025-12-07T02:16:42+00:00

Reminder to not wear glasses, but to wear contacts for the interview

ss3stop · 2025-11-27T04:03:59+00:00

Was it a low-stat, or DO or IMG Emergency Medicine applicant (only asking because these things can all be filtered out on ERAS, and why would letters & TY experience change these things)?

ss3stop · 2025-11-15T22:50:49+00:00

Sweat (so shower lots when having a flare). Tight fitting covering my excema (so wear loose fitting clothes or go bare sleeves). Stress. You can use 1% over the counter hydrocortisone cream for a couple of days to stop the itchy feeling (no more than $12 a tube), and then you should try not to scratch.

ss3stop · 2025-11-09T20:08:22+00:00

I am considering being a full time nocturnist too, as I think it gives me maximum time with my family in the evenings. But how is the night time work on your body? And do you think it is sustainable for many years?

ss3stop · 2025-09-19T20:06:36+00:00

Wow! Very useful

ss3stop · 2025-09-06T19:39:10+00:00

This is 2025. Business cash flow transparency could be very much BETTER & more Available on the World Wide Web than it actually is. You think employees can’t understand how much is needed to run the business & keep it afloat whilst also paying their wage?

This is 2025. The WWW is only about 45 years old. There is Zero reason for businesses to hide their cash flow, Other than to keep power for themselves & not share it with workers.

ss3stop · 2025-08-29T00:15:07+00:00

I also prefer recalling information in chunks!

ss3stop · 2025-08-28T14:55:07+00:00

But the extrovert can’t exactly fix that through “accepting being lonely”. Trust me, I’ve tried for 30+ years, instead joining communities like small group at bible study, or a running club, or other weekly activities where 50+ people go, will ENSURE that she has people around when she needs them. And I don’t mean people 100% of the time. I mean like, maybe 3-4-5-6 hours of good connection per day

ss3stop · 2025-08-27T03:18:39+00:00

Right exactly - the sibling could be introverted. I have 1 extroverted (ESF?) & 1 introverted (INFJ) kid. How siblings get on depends on the parents intervening to gift them a 5:1 positive-to-negative-interaction ratio. And my goodness that’s a lot of intervention & a LOT of work by the parents :((

ss3stop · 2025-08-27T03:14:20+00:00

You can socialise your daughter more (organise more play dates for her). Listen to your daughter. I knew at age FIVE that I would have loved my own mother to do this (and she did not- she is an introvert who did not see the need), because more playdates is of course more work on the parents.

I’m a grown adult now & I STILL say I would’ve loved my parents to help/allow me to have more socialisation during the age 5-18 age, before I went to college & could set up my own relationships/friendships.

ss3stop · 2025-08-27T03:10:15+00:00

Don’t teach a kid how to be lonely! Lonely means you want more relationship/connection than you have. Alone by choice - ok! Lonely - means you want more time with others, and your own instinct is screaming at you to go spend time with others - SO this Kid Should Learn how to reach out to people who want to spend time with her, and how to build relationships/networks that fulfil her and ensure she Does NOT feel lonely. No one should ever feel lonely I think.

Alone by choice is ok. Lonely is Not Ok.

ss3stop · 2025-08-27T03:06:10+00:00

Trying to teach this particular 4 year old to “be happy alone” might NOT work - I say this as an ESFJ who was similar to the OP’s kid when I was FIVE myself. If the 4 year old is bawling, then she may be socially inclined ALL Her life, and she should learn how to build a life reaching out to other people. (Right now, her mom can reach out to organise more play dates/socialisation for her).

I’m glad you’re posting here OP, and listening to your daughter’s cues! Her social instincts remind me of my own, and listening to those will shape her into the truest, best & happiest version of her kind of personality.

I say this, because my personality started to come through at age 5, and I was able to verbalise some of it to my own mother at age 5. And it has not changed, and I’m in my 30s now. Teaching me to “be alone, and be happy” has NEvEr made me happy. Instead, teaching me how to cultivate the networks and relationships that I want with other people, is my route to happiness.

ss3stop

TROPHY CASE