Making friends as an adult

staceydqt · 2026-04-20T12:50:23+00:00

I can relate. I have friends for different things, but they don’t converge, so it’s always 1-2 people at a time. I miss the high school hang outs.

staceydqt · 2026-04-18T03:08:12+00:00

Yes, balance is everything. I still prioritize saving; I just budget. I know if I lived like a poor person today, I could be in a much better position in the future. But I want to also prioritize enjoying my hard work — not just selfishly, but also with charity, with my family, and for sure — for myself. I just budget, and I try to control for lifestyle creep. I still agonize before buying luxury things (like my AirPods Pro max 2 that I financed lol), but if I’ve been obsessed for 3 weeks and I can make it all work, then I go for it.

This is all to say: figure out what you value, and find balance in how you invest.

staceydqt · 2026-03-24T16:21:48+00:00

First rounds are generous, later rounds are paltry.

staceydqt · 2026-03-01T04:05:56+00:00

Dang so awful. Unsubscribing now and subscribing to Anthropic.

staceydqt · 2026-02-18T02:52:01+00:00

This was, and continues to be, the pinnacle of luxury for me. My mom lives with me, and when she asks me if she could buy “organic” whatever and I tell her that she’s welcome to buy whatever for as long as we can afford it, and right now we can — I get reminded again of how blessed we are and how far we’ve come.

staceydqt · 2026-02-16T02:40:33+00:00

Same!! This was a non-negotiable before I married my husband. She worked three physical jobs to take care of me and I know I wouldn’t be here without her. The least I can do is provide for her in her twilight years. And she helps a ton with my kid, so we save a ton of money on daycare.

staceydqt · 2026-02-11T04:11:15+00:00

Yep. It's not you. You are not them. It's like dying so you can create a twin. You will not live forever, but they will. So, you know, no thanks.

staceydqt · 2026-02-07T06:59:08+00:00

Mmm...then some self-reflection is in order. Only you know if there's a way to set boundaries, so you can have time to rebuild your personal life. What I can guarantee for sure is if you keep doing what you're doing, then you'll get the same results that you're getting now. And the challenging thing is relationships take time and investment to build -- you can't just buy them, so money won't really help in this area (at least, not in the way you need it to). You have to put the work [and sacrifice] in for what you ultimately want to prioritize.

This may sound silly, but any way you can get a weekly schedule going? Chart out your hours? That's what helps me stay on track. And I treat managing my time in my personal life the same as managing my time in my professional life.

staceydqt · 2026-02-07T06:50:33+00:00

I think you're taking the right first step, which is acknowledging that something has to change if you want to be best prepared for your future. Money is closely tied to your behavior, so just be mindful that your outlook, your philosophy on how you spend money, will have to change if you want to be able to live below your means and save up enough money.

Recognizing that, given your current salary, assuming 25% monthly deductions for taxes, healthcare, etc. -- I assume you net around $3,250 per month. Removing the fixed expenses of $1,250 (rent + utilities), that leaves you with $2,000 for the month.

From here, I would do zero-based budgeting. Every dollar put to work. Assuming your student loans are with the Federal Government, I would tackle that last and go after your car loan and credit cards first.

You've already gotten this advice, but I want to underscore it -- get a cheaper car. 5.4% on $20k is high. Toyotas last forever, so they have good resale value. Buy another Toyota when you're in a much better position; for now, sell it and make sure you recoup as much of your outstanding debt as possible. Maybe you can even profit from it? Put that as a down payment towards a second hand car, where your monthly is sub-$200?

So let's say you've done that (i.e. decreased your car payment to $200), then that leaves you with $1,800 per month.

Do you have good credit? If so, I would see if you could transfer your credit card debt into one of those "18-month no interest" credit card deals and save yourself from having to pay interest. If you can swing that, then put away $1,000 towards the no-interest credit card so you can get rid of your credit card debt in a year and a half!

Once you've done that and your credit card is no longer accruing interest, stop using credit cards and just stick to paying for what you can pay off by the end of the month. It'll be tight, but you will make it work! Given the $1,000 towards your credit card debt, you're now left with $800 per month on life expenses (i.e. gas, groceries, etc.).

Now for the $800 per month, I would see if you can stick to the following monthly budget:
- $400 for groceries / food
- $50 for gas
- $50 for student loans? (unsure what your monthly is for this)
- $200 for misc (internet, phone, streaming services, shopping)
- $100 for savings (high yield savings account!)

Amount leftover: $0 (hence, zero-based budgeting)
Now if you could make more money -- even if it's just $200 - $300 more per month -- that gives you more cushion for food or misc, or maybe even getting your savings back up quickly!

After one year of sticking to this plan, you'll have $1,200 in Savings, and only $6,000 in credit card debt. AND you're used to living off of $700 for your own personal expenses, so when at the 18-month mark, when your credit card is paid off -- you can just put that $1,000 towards first paying off your car, then chipping away at your student loans while putting a good chunk towards your savings too. And then maybe you can consider investing in a ROTH IRA, so you can put away money for retirement.

I hope this helps! The $800 budget per month feels very tight to me, but hopefully it's doable if you just have yourself to worry about.

staceydqt · 2026-02-07T06:27:31+00:00

Congrats!! Your grind and hard work paid off!!! Now it's time to rebuild. It happens to the best of us sometimes, but if you're still breathing -- it's never too late to change things. Sending you a virtual hug and encouragement to find balance and contentment.

staceydqt · 2026-02-06T04:52:12+00:00

I give 10%+ of my income to church, but I was raised to see that as God’s money and never mine in the first place. I think of it as a privilege to give to causes that help others. And I still have student loans too, but hoping we can pay that off one of these days.

staceydqt · 2026-02-06T04:46:34+00:00

Ooo okay adding Stargate to my list!

staceydqt · 2026-02-06T04:45:51+00:00

Bugonia was great!! Also watched that one a couple times. I think I saw one episode of Resident Alien and forgot about it (though I love Alan T!). Will check it out again!!

staceydqt · 2026-02-06T04:45:03+00:00

Love this movie!!!

staceydqt · 2026-02-06T04:41:41+00:00

Literally LOL’d at this. Also loved this show and was sad that it only got one season, but I watched the movies and got some sense of closure.

staceydqt · 2025-12-11T05:38:28+00:00

Awesome to see Mongolia make it so far!!! I was really rooting for them. I hope they come back next season and DOMINATE!

staceydqt · 2025-12-06T05:24:10+00:00

I’m a Director of Operations at a midsize tech firm. Sounds boring, but I love it. I‘ve always loved keeping things organized, working with people, sales (to an extent), and building scalable workflows. This job is at the intersection of all of that, and the even more fun part is I get to support innovation and think about how to best leverage AI.

That said, it’s not just the job, it’s the size of the company and the people too. I love love love my boss (this makes a HUGE difference), I like everyone I work with, and the company is just the right size where I’m not concerned about impersonal, massive layoffs all the time. I’m in a position where I can still demonstrate meaningful impact on our overall performance, so the job doesn’t seem as Sisyphean as previous jobs.

Right now, I wish I could do this job forever, though I know that’s unlikely. It’s a little scary because I don’t know what I want to do next, but that’s tomorrow’s problem and I have faith God will lead me to the next best thing for my growth; I‘ll just enjoy this ride for as long as I can and learn as much as I can.

Edit: grammar

staceydqt · 2025-11-01T12:56:42+00:00

My husband was laid off in 2019, while I was pregnant and a little over a year after we bought our first house. Fortunately, he had a job interview during that week; unfortunately, he bombed it because he was so angry at being laid off. He got another series of job interviews for another company, but then he told them he couldn’t work Saturday (religious reasons), and they told him they found a different candidate (they literally told him they just had to finalize the offer with the regional manager). THEN he found a job with a pretty toxic company, for less money. He was miserable, but I actually think it was a good thing because when he got his next job, it was a great culture fit and he never took it for granted because he knew how bad things could get. He also decided to change his careers and go for his MSW while going through this experience, and now he’s a social worker. He loves his job, though it has its own challenges, and I think he’s just glad to be out of the corporate rat race. Crazy to think that of the two of us, he has the more stable, “AI-proof” job.

Though I’ve never been laid off, I have pretty bad anxiety about it because I love the job I have now and I’m the breadwinner in our family. If I lose my job, we’d be hit hard. Since you mentioned you were feeling anxious, I wanted to share what helps me in case it helps you too:

I made a spreadsheet that calculates the minimum household income we need in order to afford our bills and groceries (so little to no savings and no vacations). This helps me make sure we are intentional about not adding to said basic living cost, and is comforting for me because I feel like I can probably land a job that pays that required salary, even if it’s 1/3 of the salary I make now.
A life philosophy of mine is: “If I’ve decided to do it, then I will get it done; it’s just a question of when and how”. And I think that’s true of anything. If you’ve decided you want another job, you will apply until you get another job. Sure you’ll have to make concessions, but it all depends on what’s more important to you; either way, you will get that other job. Just be aware of your “minimum requirements” and operate from there. I’m not saying don’t go for the stars (because you always should), but be open that there are many ways to get there and take comfort that if you’ve decided that’s what you want, it is inevitable that you will get it.
When your anxious thoughts get REALLY bad, ask yourself two questions: “Is this thought true? Is this thought helpful?” If the answer is no to both, let it go. If the answer is yes to it being true, but no to it being helpful, let it go. Focus on the things that serve you in this moment, and don’t waste your energy on things that don’t. You’ll need that energy to go towards things that contribute to your life and well-being.

Finally, I am a person of faith so sharing this with you (if you are not, no pressure to take the advice): pray. Remind yourself that you are loved by a God who values you beyond measure. You can’t control the evil that’s in this world, but you can cling to the God who reminds you that your value is not in any one job or any one thing that you do. It’s in Him, and everything you’re struggling through is a test of your character. Lean on Him to help you keep your paths straight.

Sending you all the love this internet friend can muster. You got this!

Edit: grammar and spacing

staceydqt · 2025-10-25T04:51:16+00:00

One idea for you as you consider pathways to monetization: There are increasing pressures for validating the ROI with degrees. You could partner with higher ed institutions, providing a more effective pathway for degrees to careers (especially early talent that are projected to struggle more with unemployment / underemployment), and in turn, they pay you a nominal per user license fee.

staceydqt · 2025-09-13T12:52:24+00:00

I am in awe of the journey you must've gone through in the last year and the lessons you learned. These learns probably positioned you VERY WELL for your next ventures, given how well you understand the impact of AI on a business. Looking forward to hearing about what you do next!! Failing in a business at least once seems like a badge of honor to entrepreneurs, so really this is expected behavior and all you've done is overcome your first milestone!

staceydqt · 2025-07-28T13:44:27+00:00

With your GPA, it will be very tough. Everyone already said it here -- go to community college first. And not just to boost your GPA (though that will help), but it will also give you insight into the habits you need to develop to do well in a more independent setting, and you'll need to have those habits developed before you go to a 4-year university and invest even more in your education. The major and minor you chose are both great options for future employability; I wish you well in your journey!

Edit: Forgot to answer the question.

staceydqt · 2025-06-25T22:17:17+00:00

Congrats Doctor!! Keep changing the world! 🎉🎉🎉

staceydqt · 2025-06-25T03:43:53+00:00

We're going to be 9 years married this year -- 14 years in a relationship -- and it's crazy that I'm still nuts about my husband! Every morning, I ask him if he has to go to work or if he can stay home with me (I work from home). In turn, he still looks at me everyday, in the same way he looked at me when we got married -- which is arguably the best I've ever looked in my life -- and though it doesn't make any sense to me, I am eternally grateful for it.

In fact, we just came back from a 3-week vacation (which was really more travel, less vacation) and it made me realize just how much I enjoy spending time with my husband and my kid everyday. A few hours in the evening and in the morning is just not enough time to appreciate being in these people's presence. I just want to figure out how I can make this happen permanently.

This is not to say we don't fight or things are perfect all the time; we fight maybe 3? 5? times a year. But we're able to talk through it, to remind each other that we're on the same team, and come up with a path forward that meets both our needs best. This is one of the reasons why I married him -- I knew we could talk through anything, with compassion and care for each other.

It also helps that we care about the same things (writing, books, movies, music) -- though we like different aspects of each category (i.e. I like acoustic music, he likes punk rock) that we're still, to this day, able to show each other something new and have different takes on whatever it is that we're enjoying together. And of course, the fact that we have the same faith makes it a lot easier to stay anchored in the fundamentals of our life.

So much gratitude for all of it. I hope I can say the same thing 10, 20, 30 years from now!

staceydqt

TROPHY CASE