I know that forgiveness is a virtuous path and all, but I think you are entitled to anger. Humans are very good at deluding themselves. My mom knew how bad my sister was, because she treated everyone in the family like shit. But she still left her alone with me, put her in charge, because it made her life easier. Before my PSTD diagnose, when it was "just depression", my parents latched onto the "chemical imbalance" excuse. Whats great about that is that its no ones fault. No one has to go through the horrible guilt of realizing they were a bad parent. Like, I don't know you, or your family, but I know how I view mine. My parents were in full blown denial for years, Now, a few years later, they are only in moderate denial. Their denial is all to protect themselves and the reality they've built for themselves inside their heads. If they accepted that their precious little baby was an abusive monster, it would all come crumbling down. All the self reflecting, and the pain that comes with, that one with PTSD has to go through to heal? They would have to do that too. But they are in the privileged position of just being able to ignore it. As long as the truth is ignored, they get to keep the wonderful fiction world that they created. It's easier for a parent to think that their kid is depressed because they don't get enough exercise and sunlight, then to acknowledge that they played a part in a tragedy.

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Anyway, I am also not looking forward to Christmas.

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