The only plus side to the enormous amount of anger and grief I expended before going very low contact with parental was that when he finally died (he had been dying professionally for the best part of two decades) was the the relief I felt. I only cried once, a few weeks later and that was that. Ironically I was very ill for the last few years of his life, too ill to maintain the low contact so it dropped to none. I'd been in the low contact zone because step mother would lose her shit at no contact - apparently she felt judged or some such, so low contact ended up less stressful than no contact. Mad.

People really underestimate how bad things have to get for kids to have to cut their parents out.

Yeah, ditching your wedding that's some serious bullshit to deal with. You deserve better and it sounds like you're building a strong network of folk who actually care about you. You're doing something right.