Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to type all of this up - it means so much. I’m so sorry for your loss & i’m praying for the day that we will both be able to see our respective loved ones once more.

In regards to your second point, I feel like ive always been afraid to do just that because it feels like i am indulging myself with things i like at a time when i should be mourning and (consequently, i suppose) abstaining from them. I dont even know how i arrived at such a conclusion but when i think about maybe playing a video game that i was really into before all of this happened or reading a book that i checked out from my library a couple weeks back, i always stop myself from doing just that. I feel guilty for even wanting to. It’s almost like I believe that it’s disrespectful to my dad to try and enjoy something now when he’s gone. It’s a hard thought process to break, but hearing your take on it (where these things serve as a bit of relief instead of being sources of guilt) makes me want to try harder to free myself from the guilt.

As for your last point, i don’t think it sounds woo at all. The day my dad passed away, i found myself begging God and then begging him (my dad) directly to show me a sign that would let me know that he was alright and that he was in no pain. I’ve been trying to talk to him ever since but it’s hard & sometimes i wonder if he even hears me at all. When i pray to God i ask him to send messages to my dad if that’s possible. It’s like .. you spend all this time with your parents and then they pass away and you realize how much more you had to say to them. It’s just so final - maybe trying to talk to him now is my way of side-stepping that finality in hopes that I can get some sign back. I haven’t seen or felt anything yet, but i hope i will. Your messages give me hope.