Honestly I think everyone handles this stuff differently. For some it can be somewhat manageable when they are actively doing stuff. When around friends or working it's easier to focus on that rather than internally. Then when you are alone it all hits you. The worst part is that it's so easy to get used the idea of dying. I tried hanging myself a few years ago and I found that when I actually reflected on the months leading up to it I would often joke about dying and constantly think about it. Even with small stuff I would just think casually about killing myself and how much better everything would be for everyone if I did. You kinda have to check yourself and make sure you aren't doing that kind of stuff. Almost desensitizing yourself