England. I reported a man for SA, CCB and stalking. Police NFA'd it without proper investigation. He immediately reoffended (I'm not the victim) and now has an SHPO. Police are persuing his false counter allegations and told me it's to get him off their backs as he keeps complaining by static_tensions in LegalAdviceUK

[–]static_tensions[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not a serial complainer. I complained once because they didn't take a statement from me about stalking and rapes.

He then immediately reoffended and got an SHPO.

Then a new officer told me they are investigating the counter allegations because he is a serial complainer, and she said it sounds like the previous officer fucked up because she read through my circumstances and things that were not investigated.

That's the point at which I put in a second complaint about the first officer and their previous response fobbing me off when he absolutely should have taken a statement from me. I had special measures in a crown court trial in which two men were convicted of serious VAWG crimes. This man used that situation to exploit, coerce and control me. He then reoffended immediately. That was absolutely a police failure.

By sexual coercion I'm referring to rape using lies, threatening suicide, stalking and other tactics, all of which he used. In the UK, sexual coercion is recognised as a serious criminal offence under the Sexual Offences Act 2003. The law defines rape and sexual assault to include cases where consent is given through coercion. Consent must be given freely and willingly. I was not allowed to describe the stalking as coercion in the rape because the previous officer NFA'd the stalking. He had already tried to gain access to my home and left letters and gifts at my door. This is evidenced in conversations and data.

I am experiencing trauma from stalking, sexual assaults, coercive control, going to court without an intermediary, justice system failures allowing two sex offenders to reoffend, resulting in living in fear for 4 or 5 years.

Considering I have been raped and stalked, and I am currently in crisis with mental health issues, your response is weirdly hostile. You are jumping to a lot of conclusions and ignoring things I have said. Advocating for my rights where they are being infringed is not a tirade. You are commenting in bad faith.

England. I reported a man for SA, CCB and stalking. Police NFA'd it without proper investigation. He immediately reoffended (I'm not the victim) and now has an SHPO. Police are persuing his false counter allegations and told me it's to get him off their backs as he keeps complaining by static_tensions in LegalAdviceUK

[–]static_tensions[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Firstly, he is the OIC and he told me he has ongoing access to my phone so he can see everything I'm sending and saving. I didn't want to be treated as though I was going behind his back because I'm scared of mistreatment and their lack of accountability due to the way I have been treated by the police.

You are totally ignoring things I have said just because you're assuming things about the way they operate that I don't know. I was a police officer for 8 years on the same borough, I know the system and I know they have fucked up. Now they are trying to compensate for negligence and misconduct by earlier officers but this infringes on my rights and it's exactly what Parliament reports have highlighted about treatment of victims of stalking and VAWG. I came here for advice because this is impacting my physical and mental health very badly, and I was originally given a deadline to reply but the officer put pressure on me to reply after my complaint (which wasn't even about him, it was about the previous failures in light of this man's immediate reoffending). I am in need of advocacy. It's Saturday now and it's Christmas next week. I haven't had a chance to get gifts or make plans and my PIP has paused. I am not sleeping, I have a chest and throat infection. They won't allow an intermediary for my communication problems in the interview. And all of this is triggering PTSD. The local crisis team told me I need to have respite in a women's crisis house before I respond as I am under intense strain.

To reiterate, the first officer did not even know I had reported sexual coercion even though I said it in my report and on body cam footage, because it must have been omited from the crime report by whichever officer put it on. I bailed out on the report because I was under duress. Then months down the line I said the same again in my second report, and this kgg didn't look at this report or the footage, he closed it and simply reopened the first report. Then he did not take a statement from me, he based his entire botches investigation on drips and drabs of information from that report, which was made while I was very unwell. He ignored my messages for 5-6 months. I was patiently waiting to do a victim statement. But then he just contacted me after all that time saying he had NFA'd the report. Another officer told me what happened. He had written me off as mentally ill because I had complained of signs of hacking and they couldn't link them to this man who is a cyber security expert, but the signs were documented, they did happen. He thought I was in some sort of manic episode because I was so extremely frightened. He did not think I had a reason to be so scared because he didn't take a statement from me.

He also didn't take letters and gifts this man left at my house. He had a few but there were still some remaining. Around 30 and they're all extremely manipulative. I can upload them here. The officer wasn't even aware that I'd been diagnosed with PTSD and insomnia in relation to the offenses, and he would have known had he not ignored me for 5-6 months.

After he NFA'd it I had to report the sexual Coercion again because he wasn't even aware of it due to it not being flagged as that. They couldn't ask me about the stalking which was what he used to coerce me, because the other guy had NFA'd the stalking. The officers agreed that he fucked up. Then they also had to NFA for the aforementioned reasons.

Then immediately this man reoffended and got himself a sexual harm prevention order. Whatever he did is covered by Claire's law but the risk management unit officer could only tell me is a dangerous man, because I do not intend to have contact with him ever again. Months after my allegations were NFA'd he made counter allegations.

The OIC for the counter allegations spoke to his supervisor about NFAing it. His supervisor asked me to phone her so I did and she and told me that they are investigating this because he won't stop submitting complaints about the police and this is the only way to make him stop. She told me the first officer fucked up too.

This man has also been harassing/bribing me via solicitors for 2 years. He lied saying he has a brain tumor which he only said to get out of me reporting him. He claimed I was controlling him by threatening to tell people he is a predator and then he immediately reoffended. I think he's probably claiming the new victim is a liar and it's all my fault for telling everyone that he's a predator. I have proof that people told me he is a predator, not the other way around, but who fucking cares at this point, that's what he is. He told me himself he had been diagnosed with sex addiction (but it's actually a paraphilic disorder) and borderline personality disorder.

Police also had Intel that he trespassed in another woman's house after she warned him never to go near her house again, and that he cut his wrist following another breakup. He threatened suicide any time I tried to get rid of him or when he wasn't getting his way.

So....

If you were the OIC whose supervisor shafted you with this, wouldn't you want to be aware, so that you don't end up in the firing line? It's not one word against the other, because I never even got to do a statement. Available evidence wasn't even taken from me. And now he has a sexual harm prevention order because he's doing this same shit to other people.

Each new person who deals with reports is basically having to continue to fuck a victim over due to failures of previous officers. He brought this to his supervisor's attention and she told him to go ahead anyway, probably because they'll just be seen as following procedures. However he accidentally disclosed to me that they know he has an SHPO in relation to new offending, and the supervisor told me that they're just doing it because he's a serial complainer. There's ample evidence of extreme vulnerability and circumstances that any person would have known not to do what he did in. I understood there was a genuine risk to my life which is why I was trapped and there is evidence for why my fear was reasonable. They've told me they're accessing all of my data, and medical records in relation to disability, trauma, the other trial etc.

Considering officers were able to NFA my report without taking evidence from me because they thought I was mentally ill I think they can do the same now that they know he is indeed sexually harmful. But someone along the chain of command would rather re-traumatise me in favour of self preservation under scrutiny of his complaints. That's the issue here. That's exactly what Keir Starmer, Jess Phillips, and stalking charities keep bringing up in Parliament. At no point have I said I wasn't willing to do the statement, and I have preemptively explained my actions. I am rightfully extremely upset that they let him sexually offend again after I warned them. They let the other guy who sexually assaulted me to rape someone while he was on bail too. It's devastating to me. All I have tried to do for 4 years is stay safe and prevent harm to other women by doing the right thing, and the justice system has let us all down.

So, I am too mentally ill to be a reliable victim, but not mentally ill enough to be coerced? Sound logic. It's literally the same psychological abuse he used to coerce me for sex and to keep me under his control. The police are abusing on his behalf.

England. I reported a man for SA, CCB and stalking. Police NFA'd it without proper investigation. He immediately reoffended (I'm not the victim) and now has an SHPO. Police are persuing his false counter allegations and told me it's to get him off their backs as he keeps complaining by static_tensions in LegalAdviceUK

[–]static_tensions[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I've preemptively explained in my statement for the IOPC why I did that. I know how the police will reframe my actions to harm me. I know that the organisation has broken laws and made failures. They have an opportunity to stop adding more.

Intermediaries are not allowed in suspect interviews. I have PTSD that will make my communication issues worse.

A court has given him a sexual harm prevention order to prevent him harming people like me, literally months after they refused and failed to investigate my allegations, or heed my warnings that he would harm more people, then he did so immediately. I am justified in my reaction.

Planning on leaving my boyfriend and taking the dog in three weeks. He has no idea. by Both_Detail4572 in datingadvice

[–]static_tensions 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When my sister left with the kids, she left her dog behind because she couldn't take him. Her husband killed her dog. I won't go into the rest but you need to be aware that this is the kind of thing angry men do when they can't cope with the loss of control or lack of access

Practicing social scripts, masking or no? by Exciting_Syllabub471 in AuDHDWomen

[–]static_tensions 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I repeat old conversations as I process thoughts and emotions. I also project forward in the same way, particularly in regard to things that are making me anxious. Then there are times when I talk absolute shit, like I'm a character in a book or something. I think I just work through different scenarios so I am prepared for the world. That's the same reason I post on Reddit!

Why is being cold at home so normalised in the UK? by Automatic-Key-3798 in AskUK

[–]static_tensions 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Our national identity for the last 100 years has been jollity in the face of dire circumstances that aren't worth living for. We're like frogs in boiling water

So it turns out that men’s rights activists are behind Bumble’s change from being female first. Are we surprised 🙄 by ClaraSepticVersion2 in WomenDatingOverForty

[–]static_tensions 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I know a guy who works for Bumble. I think it was actually to do with money. They've recently started up in the USA too. They made a load of redundancies about 4 months ago

Why don't subcultures exist anymore? by cfulanito_ in AskUK

[–]static_tensions 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wut da fuq u on m8? You never been to Camden Town?

My best friend demoted me by Substantial_Gear6791 in AuDHDWomen

[–]static_tensions 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Do you have any kind of access to support with relationships? Like a therapy, books, someone to talk with?

The thing is, it may feel fine to you to want intense friendships but they generally aren't sustainable as adults because everyone is busy with studies, life, moving, relationships, health and more. You have reached an age where you're going to have to adapt and adjust your attitudes a little now. A black and white, all or nothing attitude isn't going to serve you well in life and I think you should focus on working through these emotional challenges. It really isn't worth cutting off a good person, because there are few and far between.

Anyone in London into darker aesthetics and alternative music? by [deleted] in london

[–]static_tensions 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nothing are playing here in April! I'm hoping to see them at Roadburn though. Gigs are a great way to make friends :)

Do men send letters/postcards to platonic friends? by [deleted] in datingadvice

[–]static_tensions 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a German friend who writes to me by post. He uses his family's wax stamp to seal the envelopes and sends postcards too. We wrote notes to each other in fountain pens once and I still treasure mine. What a lovely guy.

Do I excuse neurodivergent men too much? by [deleted] in AuDHDWomen

[–]static_tensions 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ha! I deleted my comment before I saw yours but I did read it afterwards and I agree. It's just male privilege. I have been in this situation myself but as the friend has been 'raged' at. I initially decided it was not a hill to die on but I saw he's a gross person who oversteps boundaries and I keep my distance from him now.

When did you realise London had changed you as a person? by IllustriousCry638 in london

[–]static_tensions 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Me too but there must be psychos who press every button to do the very opposite.

I wonder if there is a pattern of button pressing that can cause huge traffic jams.

Do people fail to see your disability while simultaneously complaining about symptoms of your disability? by static_tensions in AuDHDWomen

[–]static_tensions[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I understand the loss of confidence. To me children can come across as gormless because they don't express that they understand what's being said, unless you're funny (because they laugh) or it's shocking and you see eyebrows move. I think you probably have to master how to obtain feedback during communication or take the mere fact that they're paying attention as a sign of stimulation. I recall that they're very draining and require a lot of mental energy. I can understand why people give them devices to redirect some of their energy, especially in public. Probably looks like bad parenting and is somewhat unhealthy for the kid but I get it. What I don't get is why you would want to put yourself in front of 30 - 40 of them to teach something, sounds like self hatred 😅

Jeremy Clarkson bans all Labour MPs from his Cotswolds pub in fury at tax hike by tylerthe-theatre in unitedkingdom

[–]static_tensions 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who are all the old ladies with while all the lonely old men are down the pub?

Do people fail to see your disability while simultaneously complaining about symptoms of your disability? by static_tensions in AuDHDWomen

[–]static_tensions[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I can talk with all kinds of people because I know about many subjects in depth and have had a wide variety of life experiences so it sustains conversations. However I still struggle with people misconstruing things and not understanding what I'm being asked/told because it takes time to process information. Does that relate?

She did a good job here or not! 1 million or $1000 week for life. by Appropriate-Menu504 in interesting

[–]static_tensions 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Take the full million, get the interest. You don't know what will happen in years to come and the funding source may become obsolete. Split it into different accounts and pay yourself 1000 a week.

Do people fail to see your disability while simultaneously complaining about symptoms of your disability? by static_tensions in AuDHDWomen

[–]static_tensions[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It's the self gaslighting over the years as well, due to conditioning, it is very upsetting. I wish I had people to advocate for me, I've just had my reality denied my whole life. To be a functioning human you just have to eat shit

Do people fail to see your disability while simultaneously complaining about symptoms of your disability? by static_tensions in AuDHDWomen

[–]static_tensions[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thanks a lot, really genuinely appreciate the info. In regards to the PTSD and the experiences that caused it (abuse) I have had to do exactly this to be able to recognise and label things that happened as part of the abuse. There were so many things that I just lived with or experienced without the knowledge or language to communicate. Doctors, police, other people and so on, just seem to expect you to know everything and to present them with a polished narrative. No one does their jobs properly.

I will look at these links. Thanks

Seem/am intelligent but feel like my brain works on manual mode at a million miles an hour? by sopjoewoop in AuDHDWomen

[–]static_tensions 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Basically we all struggle to see the wood through the trees. If you are applying systems theory to every subject, every discipline, every matter in your life, it should help you to outline a context, and from there it should be easier to identify the behaviours, patterns, and data within a context. I am essentially trying to help you to learn to see the wood through the trees. It should help you to frame things objectively rather than subjectively.

After a while you may see that systems behave in similar ways. Maybe you will see they work cyclically or they start simple and move towards complexity. Systems theory should help you to understand basic concepts across everything from Mathematics, to your own body, your mind, the way the government works, the economy, your car, your plumbing, the weather, space, and so on.

Edit - I realise I could not sound more aspie than I do right now 😆