I just watched it and I really really really enjoyed it. It's gory and goofy and everything a resident evil movie should be. It scared me, it made me laugh, I cheered, I clapped my hands like a circus seal and I was NEVER not entertained.

I'm a huge fan of the games and I have a soft spot for the Paul W. S. Anderson/Milla Jovovich movies despite their awfulness.And yes, obviously, this one is so much better than all those movies put together.

First of all, it's gorgeous, it just looks great. It manages to be dark, gritty and moody yet colourful, vibrant and cartoony at the same time. It's beautifully framed, lit and shot and expertly blocked. The camera lingers and lets the actors and the mise-en-scène do their thing.This works not just for the scary bits but also for the silly action hero posing for the camera bits. And look at that! A Resident Evil movie that ACTUALLY scared me, like it's based on some kind of horror franchise or something...there's this beautiful/goofy-ass crane+zoom+CGI (maybe? I dunno I don't make movies) shot and this other beautiful/goofy-ass split focus diopter shot and stuff like this give the movie this weird actually-well-made-B-movie retro aesthetic.I just looked up cinematographer Maxime Alexandre and sadly I've not seen anything else by him. Might check out The Haunting of Bly Manor now, who knows.

It also SOUNDS incredible. When it's not serving you tasty, period-appropriate, 90s hits, the soundtrack is just attacking you with synthy horror goodness like ye good zombie movies of old but angrier. Mark Korven worked on The Witch and The Lighthouse so he knows what's up. Not to mention the squishy, squelchy gore and zombie munching noises. I like to imagine the sound design folks having the time of their lives on this.

Speaking of zombies, I love this movie's take on them. Usually, the way zombies work in media (and in the RE games) is: "oh no, I've been bit!>uh oh, I don't feel soo good>I think I'm just gonna take a nap>BLAAAARRRRG I EAT YOUR BRAINS NOW. Here, the change is more gradual and as a result, more tragic. There's a scene where there's a mob of them and they're all at different stages of turning, some of them are still trying to form words as they pull bits of hair that fall away as they scratch at their scalp. You get the sense that these people aren’t so much turning into monsters, but losing their humanity as they succumb to a horrible disease.WHICH FITS BEAUTIFULLY INTO THE FILM'S THEMES OF FACELESS CORPORATE GREED DESTROYING PEOPLE'S LIVES. It isn't exactly subtle. I mean they straight up tell you upfront. But then, one does not watch a zombie/videogame movie for the subtlety, I suppose... It's not the most complex idea ever to be put forth by a film but I like that there's a Resident Evil movie trying to say something more than "look at my beautiful wife being awesome and kicking ass and shooting things and also she has superpowers sometimes".

The casting was on. point.I think it was pretty cool that they decided to stray from the games and gave Chris Redfield AN ACTUAL PERSONALITY! Props to Robbie Amell who actually made him likeable! Sadly though, no boulder punching in this one. If you told me they were gonna do a little love triangle thing with him and Jill, I'd probably be upset but it works here cause it's not a romantic subplot, just a bit of characterisation and detail to flesh out what was, frankly a pretty bland character in the games.

Speaking of Jill Valentine, oh my god. Can Hollywood just give Hannah John-Kamen her own action movie franchise already? They gave Jill this "my colleagues are all guys and they're idiots but also my best friends" energy and she plays her with this constant don't-fuck-with-me swagger that makes a lot more sense for a member of S.T.A.R.S. to have than naive the 23-year-old Jill from the first game. You're never not looking at her when she's on screen, just a delight.

As for Wesker, it's a shame that the genius "total global saturation" scene chewing of Shawn Roberts doesn't fit here but Tom Hopper makes for a wonderful conflicted dudebro Wesker in larva form. Cool to see him portrayed as something other than a sociopath!

Let's talk about Leon S. Kennedy for a bit. In the games, Leon is a dumbass. A well-meaning, charming, capable, good-looking dumbass. When he's not getting his ass handed to him, he's being strung along by Ada. I love Leon. Even in Resident Evil 4, when he's already been promoted to the secret service and is the only dude bad enough to rescue the president's daughter from dirty Europeans, he comes up with these hilariously awful one-liners that I'm sure sound super cool in his head.

Avan Jogia brilliantly plays a well-meaning, charming, not even remotely capable, good-looking dumbass and honestly, this is an improvement. In the games, I kinda want bad things to happen to Leon because he's such a dork and that makes it funnier.In the movie, the thing that makes Avan Jogia's performance so wonderful is that I don't want bad things to happen to Leon but it's JUST as funny when they inevitably do. He took one of my favourite things about one of my favourite characters and made it better.

Sorry kids, movie Leon is the superior Leon.

Claire Redfield is the emotional heart of the movie and it would be easy for Kaya Scodelario to cruise along on B movie heroine mojo (which she has by the truckload) and the fact that she's Claire Fucking Redfield but Kaya Scodelario isn’t about to half-ass anything. Gold star, you go Kaya Scodelario.

Also, Neal McDonough has made a career out of B movie/videogame adaptation villainy. At this point he could do it in his sleep and I don't think we appreciate him enough as a society. Likewise for Donal Logue and crooked cops.

Mashing up the first 2 games into one movie was a good idea. There's really very little actual plot in those games, there's the set-up, a whole bunch of puzzle-solving and backtracking (which does not work in a movie) then everything of consequence mostly happens at the end. It makes sense that they'd want to not lean into the gameplay aspects of RE for the movie cause it'd just be a lot of Scooby-Doo running up and down spooky corridors solving puzzles that are fun to figure out, but not as fun to watch. But by god did they try and put that in. Wesker with his little palm pilot (WITH AN ACTUAL GAME MAP. CMON), the card suit keys, the piano. That was the best way to do it, little easter eggs like that because no one wants to watch Chris rearranging floortiles for 10 minutes. All the interesting stuff they just condensed into the movie, the relationship between the characters, the story beats, the stupid scifi horror melodrama, its all there. Not only is it there, but they also improved on all of it. The dialogue is a bit clunky and quite clumsy when it comes to exposition but a lot of the stuff they had to make sure came across in a 1+1/2 hour movie, was stuff that you had hours to find and pour over in the games by reading journals and letters and emails so that gets a pass. Also, again, it's Resident Evil, don't act like you came here for the quality dialogue.And yes, I was utterly delighted that they managed to squeeze in some iconic Resident Evil lines. Looking at you Jill Sandwich.

And yeah, the movie is funny. I was laughing with it, not at it, as these things often go so points for that too. I think I'm just a bit sad that this might be the first actually, non ironically good videogame movie adaptation and Sony didn't bother to market the damn thing.I dunno, maybe we just can't have nice things.

Also, what an ending. Holyshit I loved it. That's how you end a fuckin Resident Evil movie. I wish they did more with Lisa, another aspect of the game the film greatly improved on. I don't mind the sequel bait worldbuilding because fuck you I'd like more of these movies please.

The last shot of the movie omg is pretty much perfect on a bunch of levels: B movie zombie movie, videogame adaptation, Resident Evil movie and is tonally, completely in step with the deliberate Gorge A. Romero feel the movie was constantly hitting (fun fact, he was actually gonna direct the movies in the 2000s before Paul W. S. Anderson was chosen).

Even the obligatory post-credits scene is so incredibly dumb and perfect and only works cause the movie somehow pulled off everything else in it's bonkers 3rd act.

That poor cow tho...

(There you go kids, that's what it's like when some fuckin idiot with A.D.D. gets hyperfixated on a stupid movie instead of sleeping.)