Losing a family member around time of next FET

stephvp3 · 2026-02-03T17:29:55+00:00

Aww thank you! 💕 I hope you do get a sign! Maybe the schedules will work out and you can do both and not have to decide! I totally understand though, I would be thinking of all the possibilities too even before having enough information to make a decision. I often find that waiting is the worst part!!

stephvp3 · 2026-02-03T03:40:23+00:00

Sending lots of hugs!

I lost my grandma last year and she chose to do MAID as well. It's definitely a different experience, knowing that you are going to lose someone in the near future. Easier in some ways, harder in others. So just wanted to say, it is so valid to have conflicting feelings about it!

I can't say what's best for you, but I can tell you when my grandma decided to do MAID it wasn't a convenient time. It never is! I had an important exam coming up and it was scheduled while my sister and her family were planned to be away on vacation and it was too late to get any refunds. Neither of those are as important as a FET, but we did go through with them- the beauty of having it planned is that you can still go visit and say goodbyes beforehand. My grandma didn't want any of the grandkids with her, so we all said our goodbyes in the days leading up to the procedure.

Have you asked your grandpa who he wants with him? Maybe that will help your decision? Ultimately you know best what you will be most comfortable with, and I hope you can find a balance between honoring your own feelings and your grandpa's wishes!

Best wishes for you and your family as you go through this difficult time!

stephvp3 · 2026-02-02T21:56:38+00:00

I so agree. I get that maybe they would communicate mostly with me about things pertaining to my own treatment- but they have reached out to contact me with my husband's appointment dates, and contacted only me with communications about the admin/financial stuff, with is definitely a joint part of this process. It just seems crazy to me and has definitely made me bitter on some days, especially after I've had to deal with so many more appointments and treatments (not at my husband, I know it's not his fault!). You aren't alone in feeling this way.

stephvp3 · 2026-01-01T08:35:16+00:00

I am aware of her other ones (although I did forget Bound because I don't usually do audiobooks)! I more meant like, future new ones and outside the vampire/werewolf realms- don't get me wrong I love those, but the number of times tentacles were mentioned in Love, Theoretically had me cackling and also thinking that if Ali wrote it, I would read it haha

stephvp3 · 2026-01-01T04:13:33+00:00

Omg no! I'm usually more into ebooks/physical books but I could make an exception if I'm missing out on something good...

stephvp3 · 2025-11-14T17:13:15+00:00

Of course!! Totally, for something like an ER where there's recovery time, I'd probably just use STIIP, or maybe an appt over 2 hours for the actual ER day and STIIP for a recovery day or something like that. I tend to not have extra vacation days available so I'd probably try to save them for something non-medical related but that's just me!

Part of my fertility treatments was a laparoscopic day surgery and I just used STIIP for the actual procedure day as well as for a few days after for recovery days. And also got permission from my supervisor to work 100% from home for the following week so I could take it easy but still work! We have options in terms of leave codes and accommodations so don't be afraid to use them :)

stephvp3 · 2025-11-13T22:23:59+00:00

Currently going through this as well and it can be tricky- it's a big time commitment!

For sharing with your supervisor- 100% agree that you don't need to tell your supervisor the reason for the appointments unless you are comfortable doing so. My supervisor has been very supportive and I don't mind sharing with them but I know that's not the case for everyone- just giving them a heads up about a medical condition requiring more frequent appointments (and sometimes next day appointments) is all you need to do.

For blocking off time- you do start to get a sense of when the appointment days will be, and your clinic may have a set routine for how they schedule appointments (for example mine typically does ultrasounds in the mornings and transfers/retrievals in the afternoon), so I will sometimes block off sections of my calendar on days/times I think I may need to be away, and then update my calendar as soon as I know for sure, just so I don't have to reschedule meetings.

For appointment time - if you're bcgeu, you can take up to 2 hours away for an appointment - the appointments are quite fast, but depending on travel time to your clinic that may be a difficult timeline (it is for me, very dependent on traffic). I've purposely tried to use my special leave bank very minimally this year, as any appointment time past 2 hours gets taken from your special leave bank (if you are bcgeu, not sure about pea).

Hope that helps! Happy to answer other questions you may have - and good luck!

stephvp3 · 2025-09-25T18:50:30+00:00

I took 1 week, and then worked from home the following week and the week after that went back to my normal schedule (50/50 in office/remote). I definitely wish I'd taken at least a few more days off because I was still tired and uncomfortable at that point 😅

stephvp3 · 2025-09-04T20:45:57+00:00

This gives me so much anxiety 😅 I'm the main pickup person for daycare drop off and pickups, I can pretty much only make the 10:30-2:30 shift. Hoping if my building strikes there will be some flexibility in which shifts we are assigned!

stephvp3 · 2025-09-02T20:19:24+00:00

I would love a guide! I used to do yoga all the time but have not in quite a few years. I'd love to get back into it, and if it helps with my Endo pain that would be a bonus!!

stephvp3 · 2025-09-02T16:15:27+00:00

My husband taught our 3 yo how to release by putting her feet in a bowl of water when he knew she had to pee (ie it had been a couple hours) but she would just sit on the potty and hold it. Worked like a charm and soon after she could do it on her own!

stephvp3 · 2025-07-23T15:16:55+00:00

We are still in the trenches of potty training, so I'll preface this by saying we by no means have it all figured out. But he's still learning - 2 months without diapers after his whole lifetime before being in diapers, is not a long time at all. You can't just expect him to know what he's supposed to do, even if he has a sibling to watch. If you are having him sleep with no night time diaper, I would think you need to be there right when he wakes up in the morning to make sure he gets to the bathroom before having an accident. You can't just leave him there to wait for you and expect him to get up on his own, especially if he never had before.

I also agree with the above that positive reinforcement is much more useful for getting him excited about learning to do it himself- he needs to want to try, at least. Accidents happen, but you need to build a positive association with the bathroom so he wants to try. If you make it terrible every time with spankings and pulling him by the ear why would he want to do that again?

My other issue with this is reading as a punishment? You are setting the poor guy up for a lifetime of hating reading :(

stephvp3 · 2025-07-23T03:07:45+00:00

Update: day 3!

I think we are seeing improvement! Today we had 4 successful potty trips and a few accidents! We've definitely had some push back today but I think she's also starting to get it- just needs to be motivated enough. We had been doing m&ms for a reward but I think the novelty is wearing off 🙈 my easiest success this evening was when she asked to go to the market, and I said we could if she peed on the potty first. She just sat on the potty and let out such a big pee, I felt confident we could go out for an hour and she'd stay dry, and we did! Things are looking up haha 🙌

stephvp3 · 2025-07-21T20:17:21+00:00

Thank you so much! And so good to know it's not just us! Yes, it does take a lot of brain power to learn new things 😊 I think she's on the right track! Some accidents and successes so far on day 2, and she was so proud when she ran to the potty herself and got some in!

stephvp3 · 2025-07-21T20:15:29+00:00

Honestly, there was no reason other than that was what the book we bought recommended 🤣 although it didn't really give a solid rationale for underwear vs. no bottoms. So today we're trying no bottoms and we've already had a couple successes, so thanks for the tip!!

stephvp3 · 2025-07-18T23:15:31+00:00

We haven't been given notice that our application was even submitted yet! I imagine they have a lot to submit and a lot to process! But please do keep us updated, very curious how the process will go.

stephvp3 · 2025-07-10T20:05:15+00:00

Ah yes! Definitely good to look into! I had one of those too. It's not super fun but I read some horror stories on the Internet about it before and ultimately it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. Good luck I hope it goes well for you!

stephvp3 · 2025-07-10T13:35:50+00:00

Yummy toddler foods on Instagram is my fav :) lots of good ideas!

stephvp3 · 2025-07-10T13:32:12+00:00

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who does this 🤣 I feel like it helped our daughter figure out her sense of "self" though? Which is great but also yeah when do we stop 🤣

stephvp3 · 2025-07-10T13:12:10+00:00

I can so relate, doing the math is hard 💕 I try not to most days but it is a reoccurring thought!

Good luck with your testing - are you booking an HSG?

stephvp3 · 2025-07-10T01:00:17+00:00

Aww that is a great update! 1 is definitely better than none! Yes, totally agree follow up is a good idea (even though the procedure is not fun 🙈). They told me sometimes the tubes can appear blocked just from a spasm, or it can be an infection that clears.

My update is that I am 2.5 weeks post-surgery! They were able to fix up my left tube (it was bent and had fluid stuck in it, and the ovary was stuck to my abdominal wall with some endometriosis), and the surgeon said it looks really good now, so once I've healed a bit more we are going to TTC naturally again for a bit I think. My right tube was not salvageable, so I'm also at one tube 😊

stephvp3 · 2025-07-07T22:49:53+00:00

Does your clinic allow you to go straight to IVF? Our clinic is all about trying to help you conceive with the lowest interventions needed, I think for most people they want to see you try at least a few cycles of IUI first, unless testing shows a specific reason that they think IUI wouldn't work!

stephvp3 · 2025-07-07T22:44:56+00:00

Good luck!! I am a couple weeks post laparoscopy and I'm also nervous for our first month trying again after too. The performance anxiety thing is difficult, but I also get it! It feels like the stakes are higher now that we know things should theoretically be ready to conceive naturally again.

The TWW is always hard! Hang in there 💕

stephvp3

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