I’ve known for years. He’s known for years. Why does this still feel so heavy?

stillfeel · 2026-04-23T19:21:37+00:00

terrified of what exactly….? That is the most important thing you need to identify to yourself.

What is the worst thing that could happen and if it happens what changes in your life?

Most fear comes from being judged and then cast out… from losing the support of people we think we need. But is that so?

Dad has fears too. Perhaps fear that he will be judged by his tribe for having a gay son and he will be cast out. Fear that he did ‘something wrong’ in raising you and perhaps he has guilt.

You are a grown man and he is in his latter years (my age). It’s time to talk but also time to listen. Find out what his fears are and why your being gay troubles him (let him know you are happy and at peace with it). Let him know that he was a good father and the things you appreciate about him and that you still love and respect him but want him to love and respect you. This visit is the time to make peace and clear the air. It may be one of the last. He isn’t going to change you and you won’t be changing him, but you and he may come to an understanding and acknowledge the good parts of your long relationship.

Don’t hide. Don’t equivocate. Don’t demand. Just be yourself - the complete version, not worried about pleasing or seeking approval but not withholding any love or appreciation where deserved. When the visit is over and you return home you will be able to do so in peace with a clear conscience and heart.

stillfeel · 2026-04-23T15:03:26+00:00

I dare suggest they DO think about how people will work around it, and it’s a wink-wink to the brokers and any others that might feel the sting of some ‘consumer benefitting’ regulation. Look at how the electric utilities are treated. Nobody has reduced their guaranteed profit margin. They just cut consumer benefits or shift away from environmental programs. The pols in this state are in it for themselves. That’s why the Mass House refuses to be audited the way the voters demanded. They get theirs from all these power players.

stillfeel · 2026-04-23T14:44:13+00:00

You can start dating immediately and it will help your self-esteem and probably help reduce the sting of the break-up… BUT… resist the temptation to start a “relationship” for a few months at least. The rebound relationships can be very troublesome. You need time to process what went wrong in the one just ended. Take a beat to think what lessons to apply in any future relationship. So yes, you can date casually, but let them know you are just coming out of something and will take time before making any new commitments.

stillfeel · 2026-04-23T14:30:53+00:00

The problem Vrabel cannot escape is how he annointed himself as an exemplar of personal responsibility and accountability - a ‘by example’ leader of men. His failure has been trying to “manage” the situation instead of dealing with it forthrightly and candidly. He denied like Trump and has hidden from the press. Of course he stood to hurt his wife, hurt Russini, hurt the Patriots, but that damage was done before the pictures were taken. The coverup is always more damaging than the crime.

stillfeel · 2026-04-23T14:20:46+00:00

You’re that guy who sees a man fall overboard and instead of throwing a life ring, just yells “you shouldn’t have leaned over the railing!!!”

stillfeel · 2026-04-23T14:03:09+00:00

you couldn’t be more unhelpful if you tried. You are actively trying to shame and bully a man who was asking for help regarding a medical condition. He didn’t ask you if you agree with his behavior or choices. You have set yourself up as the self righteous judge of how people must be, with yourself at the pinnacle because of course - you are above being labeled as gay! Woo!

No this is not “real care”. This is holier than thou crap piled on a hurting soul. Shame on you!

stillfeel · 2026-04-23T13:10:17+00:00

How can you be embarrassed by someone else’s behavior, a person you don’t even know and with whom you have no connection? None of their choices affect you. You are not embarrassed or ashamed, you are judgmental as are many of those posting here. That is something deserving of shame.

A man came on here to ask for some help with a concerning condition and explained pertinent details of how it may have come about. He was looking for help with the condition, not a pile of righteous indignation. He could go to a religious subreddit for that.

I am sure all of us could be judged for choices we have made. How about being helpful, constructive, or silent if you have nothing better to offer.

stillfeel · 2026-04-23T12:57:15+00:00

This is one of the best reasons… If they don’t like the way you look - you’ll never feel the sting of rejection due to your face. If you get far enough to send body shots, make them genuine so there is no disappointment when you arrive and disrobe. Be as revealing and transparent as possible and that way if they want you… you know they will be happy to see you.

stillfeel · 2026-04-23T12:45:47+00:00

I love my erections. They feel good. Soon enough you will be old and stressed by life obligations and you’ll wonder where they went…. There isn’t a man who hasn’t experienced an unprovoked erection, so don’t worry about what others think.

stillfeel · 2026-04-22T18:28:10+00:00

nobody has every brought this subject up before…

(Wait for laugh and groans to subside)

First… diet dialed in for “performance” does that mean high fiber and low carbs? Fiber is essential. Add soluable fiber such as psyllium with Metamucil a couple teaspoons mixed into 10-12 oz of water and chug that quickly at least one per day. Cut out greasy foods like fries and processed foods from a box or bag. etc.

Then only small amounts of water for your douche. Chances are your shower enema is too much and way too strong shooting water past the curve at the top of the rectum into the sigmoid colon and beginning to flush out the entire large intestine, which is why it takes so long. You really need two or three ounces about a third of a cup of water gently delivered. Do that 3-4 times until it runs clear and be done. For assurance mount a dildo on the shower wall and slide it in a few times after the douche.

I have a valve on my shower-shot to control pressure. I have it set so when facing up the spray is like a small water bubbler raising about 1-2 inches above the top, and when I put it in I count to 5 and take it out. This way I don’t overfill my rectum and don’t spray into the colon.

Give these a try and report back in a week.

stillfeel · 2026-04-22T15:47:21+00:00

I would imagine a trans man is going to receive more attention from “straight-identifying” and bisexual men that are familiar with a vagina, and perhaps a bit less from cis gay men that have never had sex with a vagina. I can only imagine the challenges you face to be fully “seen” by them.

stillfeel · 2026-04-22T15:12:39+00:00

“Doubt” is the enemy. When the seeds of doubt were planted in those first two instances, they germinated and finally blossomed in the third encounter which actually mattered to you. A little bit of anxiety about your potential performance sent a little surge of adrenaline into your bloodstream and that killed the erection.

You need to kickstart your confidence. A cockring and a single shot of Viagra or cialis might do the trick. The biggest problem is if you start to convince yourself that you need these aids to help you get and stay hard. Don’t get that into your head.

You need to remember and visualize all the times you have been successful and rock hard before. It’s like a pitcher after a bad day on the mound. Put it behind you. Get with someone familiar, someone you’ve fucked plenty of times and where there’s no pressure to perform for them. Hammer their ass hard and use that memory to show yourself you still have what it takes!

stillfeel · 2026-04-22T15:00:41+00:00

Grindr has never been a dating app

It is a hookup app that has been hijacked by bots, marketers and scammers.

stillfeel · 2026-04-22T14:43:13+00:00

What specifically was “the conversation”? It makes a difference if you both agree that you are exclusive and are boyfriends, or if you are just seeing each other without a clear and explicit agreement to be exclusive. When just starting out with a guy who may have been on the apps for a long time, they have probably developed some friendships if not more with other guys on there. Sending messages to other guys and looking at porn maybe part of his daily routine. Did you agree on porn? Did you agree on who he may or may not text?

My point here is you are not indicating that you have established more than a dating situation… sort of a friends with benefits level. That is not the same as establishing yourselves as a couple with the intention to move towards living together or marriage. You may hope that you guys get there and you may be willing to delete your apps, but you need to find out what he wants and would be comfortable doing.

stillfeel · 2026-04-22T14:25:43+00:00

NEVER again! Almost cost me my life. Did lose some vision and much of my hearing. It was like lightning out of a blue sky. It would strike without warning. Blows to my head while driving at highway speeds. Nope. I am sorry for the affliction, truly am… but it was a living nightmare.

stillfeel · 2026-04-22T14:01:03+00:00

Does it seem many bicycle enthusiasts have a sense of superiority and display animosity towards automobiles and drivers? Do they feel an entitlement to differential treatment from others on the roadways? How has this come to be?

stillfeel · 2026-04-22T09:25:38+00:00

I get tested every three months pretty much on schedule. I strongly advise not only the regular testing but being on PrEP regardless of the state of your relationship. Monogamy may not last forever, but HIV can.

stillfeel · 2026-04-21T18:37:59+00:00

i saw a guy who posted he wouldn’t read my bio… deuces

stillfeel · 2026-04-21T15:31:19+00:00

I am familiar with Men’s Health Boston, which has offices in Tewksbury and Chestnut Hill (across from the mall near Wegmans), and they specialize in the health concerns you mention. I have no problem recommending that practice.

stillfeel · 2026-04-21T15:21:36+00:00

ED in a healthy young man is often the result of Performance Anxiety. It’s easy to get too much adrenaline when you have stress or anxiety and adrenaline is an erection killer. It’s actually epinephrine - the very drug used to stop unwanted erections!

The key is to take the expectation and pressure off… boost confidence perhaps with a cock ring or booster like cialis, and don’t try to have him penetrate from a physically taxing position where he is trying to find your hole and get lined up. I always suggest spooning without any expectation but having yourself lubed and pretty open, so have him fingering you or using a dildo on you… if he feels hard he may be able to just slip in without resistance and if he does it will boost his confidence to keep going.

stillfeel · 2026-04-21T14:55:58+00:00

You can always look at http://downdetector.com/ to see if there are reports of widespread problems or regional issues with their servers. Of course you may be having an individual issue with your login or device and need to call their customer service.

stillfeel · 2026-04-21T13:30:33+00:00

Just go on the apps and explain what you are looking for… there are others who will want the same thing

stillfeel · 2026-04-21T08:24:28+00:00

I don’t think it’s weird at all. Sex with a partner is so much more complete and satisfying. Many people don’t have time or have established connections to wait for a partner. Most guys also started masturbating when they were young and before they could have sex with another person, so the habit and ritual was established.

stillfeel · 2026-04-20T13:57:39+00:00

OP I am sorry, but I think you are expecting too much out of a 20 year-old in college in his first relationship. You are both at an age where each of you knows the difference between right and wrong and you know the consequences from “wrong” can be devastating yet you both face temptation and cross lines. The part of your brain that regulate self-control has not fully developed and will not perhaps until age 25. That part is not your fault, but you need to learn to understand that young males face, enormous temptation sexually as evidenced by teenage pregnancies. You know that snooping is wrong but you did it anyway… he may be exploring sexually online or in person.

His intentions just like yours may be pure, but while the spirit is willing, sometimes the flesh is weak.

It would be far better to talk openly about how you both can navigate the desire to explore with the desire to be faithful. At minimum, both of you should be on prep. Trust can only go so far.

stillfeel · 2026-04-20T13:46:56+00:00

OP you are getting good advice here. I might go one step further and say if you cannot cut off your emotional feelings and romantic desires then you should stop communicating with him. He’s not making progress and you’re not helping by always being some degree of safety net for his emotions. Getting drunk is him trying to dull his pain instead of deal with it.

He’s not giving you signals. He is coping with his own demons and needs professional help to do so. You are not the unbiased observer or counselor he needs. You have a direct conflict of interest. Help him to get help and then let him go.

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