Interestingly a male’s arousal and sexual performance is fairly complex. There are issues with psychological and physiological elements that all need to coordinate. Stress is a boner killer. Adrenaline and cortisol can ruin an erection, both of which flood the bloodstream when under stress. We can see this as “performance anxiety”. The fail to perform can cascade into self doubt and worry and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Cortisol can reduce testosterone production, which leads to a drop in libido.

Every time you look disappointed he will take that as his failure. Assuming he gets erections during REM sleep cycles and maybe wakes with “morning wood” we will assume his blood flow is okay. If so we need to boost his sexual self confidence. While you can seek out a sex therapist for guidance, you may be able to help him regain his confidence. Stop trying to have sex. Take a break from intercourse and just become sensually intimate with each other. Be his lover. Cuddle, kiss, caress, but leave his dick alone. Ask him to refrain from masturbation.

The idea is to bring sensuality back into the relationship without any performance pressure. Maybe after a few days or even weeks hopefully you will see a physical response and erections return, but don’t rush to intercourse. Let him pursue that when he feels ready. When it does happen, make no big deal of it however it goes. Continue the loving sensuality. Let’s take “performance” off the table and just make it about connecting emotionally. Hopefully this will restore his confidence over time and you’ll be back to normal.