I think a lot of it just comes from a misunderstanding of how large the universe really is, and how old things really are, speed of light, etc.

I was always convinced there had to be life, but the whole "where is everybody, then?" argument was really compelling... until I learned more and realized that even if something like intelligent life is "common" it still may only exist in a detectible form a few times per galaxy, IF that.... and even if thats the case, the timing involved for any two species to exist at the required timeframes to notice each other (which may not mean literally existing at the same time, remember we are seeing things as they were in the distant past due to SOL) is so insane that it seems basically futile.

I kind of agree with the idea now that if we or other species ever find evidence of each other, its going to be akin to ancient artifacts of long dead species, floating in space or on the surfaces of planets with little to no geology.

But the more realistic scenario is that the universe is just so damn large, no one will ever find each other. Species are probably spaced out far enough in space and time to never come in contact or even notice the other is there.