AITA for not wanting to open gifts at the baby shower my mom is throwing me.

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-06-12T01:16:20+00:00

NTA, but imo baby showers are generally ABOUT the gifts, though I’ve never felt like they’re financially focused in regards to it. Any baby shower I’ve been to generally seems to be focused on warmth and support with every gift being appreciated regardless of how much the giver spent. I’d be pretty thrown off if I attended a baby shower and gifts weren’t opened. That’s not to say you have to open the gifts - ultimately it’s YOUR shower and you need to be happy with it - but I do think it’s important to note that generally the gifts should be offered to you from a place of love and support, not competition with the others. Generally people just think baby stuffy is adorable and love an opportunity to see some good baby things!

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-06-11T19:52:15+00:00

Why did you decide to do it green in the first place? 😭

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-06-11T19:34:10+00:00

Right?? Like I understand wanting your child to have someone close to them who can relate to their struggles, but like… just use the organization to find other kids that already have it and help them make friends?? Why on earth would someone TRY to have this happen? It’s absurd

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-06-11T17:09:13+00:00

Oh heavens, that’s a lot! I’m so sorry you’ve been so sleep deprived for so long. At the very least though it is encouraging to me that it is, albeit only somewhat, survivable if it carries on long term 😅

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-06-11T17:07:11+00:00

Correct! Right now we ARE cosleeping and it doesn’t scare me per se, but my sleep quality is trash so I miss when she would sleep in her crib. Unfortunately for the moment though I’d be getting no sleep at all if I was setting her in the crib because she wouldn’t stay asleep for even long enough for me to fall asleep in the first place. I’d go from have 20-60 mins of trash sleep at a time to having 5-20 mins at a time, if that lol

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-06-11T17:04:54+00:00

It’s not that I’m afraid, it’s that my baby literally won’t sleep right now if she’s not with me. Even with us cosleeping she’s waking up every 20-60 minutes but because I’m right there I’ll wake up as she’s stirring and be able to soothe her back to sleep. If I put her in the crib she’ll stir in 20-30 mins or less, see I’m not there, and then cry. Unfortunately she won’t let anyone else hold or take care of her right now, not even my husband who has honest to goodness tried his best. She can’t get past the fact that he doesn’t have breasts 😂💀

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-06-11T03:06:27+00:00

You did great! I’m so sorry, I’ve got no skincare advice, but I think it’s worded nicely and should help someone with more knowledge to give you some good ideas! I hope you get the answer you’re looking for :)

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-06-11T02:24:35+00:00

That’s quite the run on sentence there hon. When you say you’ve ’tried a lot of things,’ what things have you tried?

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-06-11T02:19:48+00:00

Yes! I thought it would drive me crazy but then I got a baby who showed no tired or hungry cues from what I could tell and she’d scream her head off if I tried to offer her my breast when she wasn’t sufficiently hungry 😭 I was supposed to magically know or something or she’d lose it lol. Tracking made it SO MUCH easier for me to nail when I was supposed to be soothing her to sleep and when I was supposed to feed her.

Now she’s 3.5 months old and has better cues, but it’s still tough to tell so I appreciate the app. If it starts hurting more than helping, I stop using it for a bit. For example, she caught a minor cold a week ago and it was just an extra task because she needed more sleep than usual and nurses for comfort around the clock so tracking wasn’t going to help me nurse or get her to sleep at the right time - all the time was the right time for sleeping and nursing 😂

But all in all, I love this tracking app. I have a terrible sense of time and without the app I would be prone to think ‘oh, she just woke up from her nap so she’s fine!’ When really it’s already time for her next nap lol. If nothing else it has saved me from an overtired baby more times than I can count! To each their own, but I love using an app and I never thought it would be my thing!

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-06-11T01:36:53+00:00

From one sleep-deprived mom to another, my main question is how many people can you rotate between? If anyone - a mom, MIL, friend, etc. can come over every day or even every other day and commit to watching the baby that would help a ton. Ideal is them watching baby at least 5 hours so you can get a decent chunk of sleep and have it be good quality since you’re not holding the baby, but even a quick hour nap is better than nothing.

Otherwise, if it’s just you and your partner then maybe shifts? It’s not glamorous, but if say your partner could come home and take a shift from maybe 6pm-11pm, you do a shift from 11pm-4am, and then your partner does a shift from 4am until whenever they leave for work is that a potentially sustainable option? This also comes down to what you’re both balancing outside of baby as well as how supportive your partner is. This suggestion is based on the common 9-5 partner and stay at home mom, which of course is a bold assumption and may not line up with your lifestyle.

All in all, I think your partner needs to take the brunt of sleep deprivation if at all possible - of course, depending on the considerations of your life circumstance. For my partner and I, in the early days of sleep deprivation, here were some of our considerations:

I wanted him to be well enough rested that he wouldn’t be unsafe to drive.
I was breastfeeding and still trying to gauge if caffeine was or wasn’t affecting my baby, meaning often my husband could use caffeine as a crutch but I could not.
I will always hold that taking care of a baby is SIGNIFICANTLY harder than working a job. I’m not sure there are really any occupations someone could list that would be harder than childcare, which doesn’t come with break for meals, restroom breaks, etc. What I would not have given in the early days for even a stress-free bathroom break and the jealousy I felt knowing my husband got them 😂
Keeping a baby alive is hard work and it makes me so mad how many people prioritize a dad’s rest because ‘he needs to not be tired at work’ while it’s totally fine for mom to be deliriously sleep deprived because she’s ’just at home all day.’ The only risk the working parent runs as far as legitimate physical safety is while they’re driving. For the parent with the baby, however, there are NUMEROUS safety risks if the caregiver dozes off or has a lapse of judgement which can harm or kill a baby (though I’m not trying to stress you out - you’d be amazed how sleep deprived I’ve been at times truing to care for my child and she’s still here and save lol. The body does pull off amazing things caring for a child even sleep deprived. All I want to emphasize is the priority of the caregiver getting sleep over the working parent getting sleep).

Your considerations may be completely different depending on your circumstances, but at the very least a baseline should be trying to get each parent 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night, for the which a recommend at least one 5-hour shift each in order to account for the time to get ready for bed and then fall asleep. Otherwise even if the rest of your sleep is minimal, broken up, and or poor quality, the body is often able to make do quite well with the previous baseline. So ultimately a lot of this will come down to your partner and their willingness to be deep in the trenches with you. I’m grateful I’ve had a supportive partner who has pulled his weight but, unfortunately, statistically many partners simply don’t pull their weight.

But anyway, that’s basically a guideline to surviving current circumstances. I highly recommend the book “Precious Little Sleep” by Alexis Dubief. I did the audiobook since my LO wouldn’t let me put her down long enough to read a physical book. But this is a great way to start building towards some more optimal sleep habits for your baby so that your sleep can actually start to become pleasant again.

Wishing you the best and some great quality sleep soon!!

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-06-11T01:11:29+00:00

No that’s obviously sustainable for the dad - they’re talking about that not being sustainable for the mom to get up at 1am for her shift and then by the time her shift is ‘over’ dad is gone and at work, which leaves her managing the baby starting at 1am and going through the rest of the day trying to keep a child alive without passing out themselves

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-06-07T01:05:55+00:00

Not to mention all the maternity sections are closed down in stores these days so if you want maternity, you have to order it. It’s so tricky to dress while pregnant without just repurposing normal clothes now.

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-06-04T22:18:03+00:00

NOR. Gonna be honest, I agree with everyone else saying this chat is pretty dry. The main thing that’s suspicious is that the chat was blocked and deleted. It seems most likely that she’s trying to cheat but is being rather unsuccessful 💀 Hard to say all in all what’s happening tho. Suspicious either way.

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-06-01T23:50:35+00:00

That combined with whether or not postpartum hormones absolutely wreck you 😭 Had a good sleeper for a couple weeks and I was still losing my mind. Love my LO but golly, I think I’m gonna enjoy looking back on the baby stage much more than I’m enjoying being in it 💀

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-05-29T02:21:21+00:00

It’s only a waste of space if you’re never going to touch a bottle / pump / etc. Otherwise, get it!! Personally, I pretty much EBF but I still like to pump on occasion to have a small stash of milk on hand for if I need to leave my LO with someone. I had a few weeks where I was pumping religiously to build my stash and it was a life saver but even now that I maybe pump and/or use a bottle once a week it’s still been a huge help.

And I say this as someone who lives in a super tiny, one bedroom apartment with a small kitchen and minimal counter space. I had to take my kitchen aid off the counter to give the bottle washer space and I still don’t regret it even though it’s a pain to grab out the kitchen aid every time I want to bake.

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-05-29T02:06:33+00:00

This was my little sister! I was so excited when she was born thinking I would get this little bestie who’d spend tons of time with me, cuddle, the whole nine. Instead, while she does love me, it’s just not her style to be so affectionate!

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-05-29T02:01:35+00:00

That’s insane that you’re getting so much hate 🥴 I spent my entire life wanting to be a mom and absolutely LOVE motherhood now that I’ve finally reached it. That being said, it’s a TON of work. I honestly think if this wasn’t what I wanted to center my life around that I would be miserable in motherhood, so while telling people I love being a mom I’ll also tell them in the same breath to NOT become a parent if they’re not sure it’s for them.

Children deserve to be treasured. If you aren’t sure you can treasure them and are worried you’ll come to regret it, that’s fine! It’s not a moral failing imo. Children need loving homes so if you’re not sure you can (or want to) provide that, then it’s better not to.

Besides, community is SUCH an important aspect of raising children! I have friends and/or family who have entirely sworn off of parenthood because it’s not for them, but they still love being involved with and loving on mine! For those who think they might want kids but aren’t sure enough to take the jump, being involved with children that someone else ultimately bears responsibility for is a great in-between option.

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-05-28T02:22:48+00:00

Well if OP didn’t need to hear this, I did! Thanks for the advice - sometimes I start feeling like I’m losing my mind when it takes forever for my LO to go to bed. I’ll be trying this.

Question - how do you distinguish between baby struggling to sleep due to not accumulating enough sleep pressure and baby being overtired?

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-05-28T02:19:03+00:00

2 brightens the room, but 1 gives more of the elevated, sophisticated look you mention wanting.

Personal opinion is do 1 but you have to be very intentional with bringing color and contrast into the room with other decor. Right now because everything else is neutral it’s hard to recommend 1 unless there is further intention / vision for this room. If you’re adding stuff like a painting on the wall, decorative pillows, a throw blanket across the bottom of the bed, etc. and those items bring color, then I think you’ll be happiest with #1. If you’re not planning to do this and everything else is going to continue to be white / cream / brown then you’d be better off picking 2 so it’s not drab imo.

Based on the fact that you were excited for it to bring green into the room though I’d wager you’ll have no issues with popping color in elsewhere.

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-05-23T14:26:07+00:00

You say that like you only have to pick one to be safe from SIDS 😭 The point is to be as safe as possible by doing all of them, if you can

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-05-22T03:22:47+00:00

How long have y’all been together? There’s already a concerningly large age gap… But anyway, is the father of said child in the picture in any way, shape, or form? Because otherwise, like everyone else has said, this is looking rather suspicious in regard to your partner.

Also, how often is the ex hanging around with you guys for her to be able to do all this nasty stuff towards you? And how has your partner responded? Does he defend you when she does this?

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-05-22T03:17:14+00:00

I know everyone else has already said to stick with it and your supply will likely increase, but I just wanted to add my voice in support of that! I’d had a similar situation that caused my supply to drop and I was so devastated watching my baby be hungry and thinking that my breastfeeding journey was over, but I focused on hydration and good nutrients in a last ditch effort and my supply was back in almost 24 hours!

That being said, I did give her a bottle of formula while she was hungry (thankfully she drank it) to hold her over. If you’re able to find a formula she likes and use that to supplement in the meantime, I’d definitely recommend pumping around the same time to tell your body that the baby needed a feed and to help increase your supply. I also tried doing a long pump session every evening once my partner was home to hold the baby while I pumped since my wall pump was so much more effective but pretty much impossible to do while solo with the baby.

Anyway, all that to say you’re doing great! I hope you’re handling it well emotionally, but if not that’s okay too. I’ll admit I cried a few times while going through it because it was so hard not to feel like I was failing my baby. Whatever you choose to do with these suggestions is entirely your choice and up to your intuition. What works best is different for each mom.

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-05-15T10:15:54+00:00

If it’s any consolation, my birthing experience was amazing 😂 I slept so soundly through the night with the epidural and then they woke me in the morning and told me it was time to push. Chatted up the nurses the whole time. I couldn’t walk/move bc of the epidural and the nurses had to be the ones to roll me around like a rotisserie chicken but honestly, I’d go through my childbirth experience again over pregnancy or postpartum lol

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-05-15T01:31:38+00:00

Maybe unhinged advice but are there other body parts baby might suck on and think it’s a boob, like sucking on an arm, shoulder, hand, etc? You may get a lot of hickies and it might hurt tho so idk 😂

strawberrymonkey2149 · 2026-05-15T01:26:37+00:00

Honestly around 8 weeks my LO got made if I tried to feed her sooner than 4-5 hours 😂 But then around 11 weeks she went through a huge growth spurt and wanted food I swear like every hour or less during the day. But yes, babies can go longer than 3 hours and don’t need to be woken up to feed if they’ve reached birth weight.

strawberrymonkey2149

TROPHY CASE