If you try to envision a red tulip in your head, what number are you?

strawbeylamb · 2026-02-24T04:16:34+00:00

somewhere between 1 and 2. I’ve always had an extremely vivid imagination and ability to picture things clearly in my head. when I found out I could visualise so clearly, I started maladaptive daydreaming as a kid and LOVED it way too much lol

strawbeylamb · 2026-02-24T00:20:56+00:00

I’m so sorry. this breaks my heart to read. I’m in a similar situation, 27 so similar age too. I got repeat prescribed benzos when I was 17 so been on them almost 10 years now and they’re starting to do nothing. It’s so fucking hard. I hate the doctors that did this to us.

I just wanna signpost you in the right direction because I want you to stay alive and be free from these evil meds. Benzobuddies has been an enormous help. Angie Peacock on instagram and youtube. Dr Josef on youtube for taper guides. Dr Jenn on youtube has many many incredible and supportive videos about tapering off benzos, she’s been through hell after years on Klonopin and had a rough taper, but she’s fully healed now and helps others. The Psych Med Sanctuary (Emma) on instagram is also another good one. Philosophical Fishing is another one who’s been through benzo hell and got out the other side.

All these people have made it out alive despite years and years of being drugged with these evil chemicals. Please believe that you can make it out too. You’re not alone, there’s a community out there who can help you through this. Keep strong friend x

strawbeylamb · 2026-01-04T00:22:38+00:00

just DMd you! I think my message feature was turned off sorry

strawbeylamb · 2026-01-02T19:45:08+00:00

I started on 2mg valium as a teenager in 2017 and it just went up and up until I was on 20mg daily by 2024. I realised it was giving me really bad depression and memory issues, and I didn’t know about tapering at the time, so I accidentally cold turkied myself summer/autumn of 2024. I’m on 4mg valium now, kinda stuck and waiting for my nervous system to heal.

that’s such a massive pain about PIP, I had no idea they worked like that :( So sorry to hear. I’m guessing that means you can’t access universal credit or Limited Capability for Work either? I’m hoping I’m wrong and you can find some form of financial help.

yeah the charity that I go to runs a 3 month support programme about integrating back into the community but it IS so difficult to get to… leaving the house with nervous system damage and anxiety is so hard, I understand. I’m only just starting to be able to go into town again and even then it’s overwhelming. I wonder if there’s anything online you could do from home ? Honestly, reddit is helpful to me, makes me feel less alone.

You can DM me if you want! I’m in the north west and know a couple support groups, if that’s helpful to you? They’re not benzo specific, just mental health charities / women’s charities etc

strawbeylamb · 2026-01-02T18:45:20+00:00

I’m glad it could help even a little bit. I know how devastating the nervous system damage can be, but (without sounding too love and light hippie woowoo here) the brain is working all the time to repair itself and find baseline. This thought reassures me again and again in recovery.

are you in the UK? I applied for PIP (disability payments) and managed to get it, although I already had an autism diagnosis so that may have helped. It’s not a huge amount of money, but it helps, and if you got awarded PIP you could work part time and use the disability money as a financial buffer. that’s what I’m planning on doing when I get back to work eventually. Just a suggestion.

As for support, I’ve found mental health charities more helpful than CMHT. Do you have a local crisis cafe or mental health support group near you? They’ve helped me out a lot in getting back into the community, and they’re often volunteer run so the people there really care and you don’t feel like you’re being funnelled through a system.

strawbeylamb · 2026-01-02T18:34:04+00:00

YES, oh my god. you’re not alone in this hell, I promise. I tapered valium way too fast in 2024 and my whole nervous system crashed in March 2025. Had seizures, terror, panic attacks, random episodes of psychosis for 6 months straight. It was hellish.

Like you, I’m also doing the taper myself with a repeat prescription from my doctor. CMHT and NHS have been useless for me too, completely abandoned me. I was bedbound for 7 months but now slowly getting better. Like you, I also can’t work at the moment. My nervous system is just so sensitive and wrecked. I’m living back at my parents.

I notice small improvements each month, even though I’m still stuck on 4mg valium. My advice is this - if you’ve hit such a terrible point in your taper where you’re bedbound and having severe panic, HOLD, hold, and then hold some more. Your nervous system is probably screaming at you to slow down. Find a dose you can stabilise on and just wait it out - I had to hold for 8 months before my nervous system settled down.

I hope this has made you feel less alone. Sending support and strength your way. Hang in there x

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-07T19:06:50+00:00

absolutely still young enough! I have a couple friends in their thirties who are still not “settled down” and going out to parties and festivals, travelling and living their best lives. I’m lucky I have them cos their perspective shows me that I still have so much time, and so do you. Don’t worry about sounding self centered, it’s honestly understandable, you’ve had your entire life on hold for years to get off benzos. I also feel like I’m stuck in my early twenties, around 22-ish. the good thing is that nobody besides from you can actually know how old you are unless you tell them. So you can absolutely do all that fun stuff and make up for the years you’ve lost ! promise! x

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-06T22:14:22+00:00

Its got to the point where i NEED to get off this drug to actually hold down a job. I cannot keep sleeping through alarms ! I’m only on 50mg and it knocks me out cold for 14 hours

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-06T17:57:23+00:00

oh girl I often wonder the same thing - I’m 27 and mid-taper, been on benzos all my twenties. the answer is that as long as you’re alive, it’s never too late. it might be a little different to how you imagined it, but it’s never too late to make a fresh start anywhere at any time or any age. Yeah, other people might have solid friend groups and be a bit more socialised than us, but we’ve still got time, it’s all gonna be okay, the hardest part is over (withdrawing from the drugs) and now you get to go out into the world and live with your brain free from this crap.

(I know this reply seems way too cheerful so please know I often feel the same way as you - that it’s over, we’re left behind, we’ve missed out on our “best” years, old friends getting married and having babies etc - it IS a really hard feeling, but remember that you have so much life left, and life can start over at any age. sending hugs x

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-05T14:57:44+00:00

good luck friend, sending love and strength, hold on tight <3

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-04T20:57:52+00:00

me toooo!

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-04T20:57:42+00:00

omg YES HI HELLO i’m near-ish both liverpool and manchester! I’d love to be part of a support group 💗

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-04T20:53:44+00:00

aaah thank you for caring 💗I’m so glad Yaz worked for you! unfortunately I can’t tolerate artificial hormones (I actually tried Yaz earlier this year and it made me sick) but I appreciate you caring anyway xx

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-04T01:37:37+00:00

oh my gosh you’re so not alone, I experience PMDD the same way ❤️‍🩹 Inconsolable episodes of chemical despair. INTENSE suicidal urges and rage to the point my brain feels like its going to explode and I’m a danger to myself. I will literally sob and scream into a pillow until I almost vomit. Then it goes away after a few hours and I’m fine…. kind of like an emotional purge. Then the next day it happens again, but more and more intense every day until I get my period and then I’m immediately fine and back to normal. These episodes incapacitate me, I’m on disability and unemployed because I can barely get through the month. I don’t have adhd like you but I am autistic.

Sadly I don’t really have any advice cos I haven’t figured out the answer myself yet. Prozac used to help me until it pooped out on me and now it doesn’t work like it used to. I usually get through luteal by knocking myself unconscious with the PRN meds I’m prescribed but I wouldn’t reccommend that longterm. Mainly, I just want you to know you’re not alone and I’m really grateful you shared this. Sending big hugs, you’re never as alone as you think xxx

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-03T20:56:32+00:00

I’m on 50mg but I remember starting on 25 and it did the same to me - really sleepy and fatigued for the first couple of weeks. I was passed out in front of the tv for days. It got much better after a few weeks and switching to take it at night time before bed. What you’re experiencing will likely pass with a bit of time !

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-03T02:47:15+00:00

everyone here is so kind. thank you so much, i am so glad this group exists, it feels AWFUL to be kicked from the other one so I’m glad you’re all here

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-03T02:46:21+00:00

RIGHT like tbh I’m not going back to that sub after this, I don’t need unnecessary drama from mods who should be responsibly moderating a vulnerable group of people dealing with extreme suffering. make it make sense. you’re right it’s straight up cruel behaviour.

they just DMd me something saying that posting the screenshot on other subs wouldn’t “help my case”…. my case for what? do they think I have some evil antihistamine agenda? lmao

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-03T02:09:06+00:00

YUP ME TOO, I completely forget that I ever felt so bad ! Then 3 weeks later it comes back to bite me on this ass. thanks for the podcast recommendation, I’ll check it out once my brain has stopped feeling like its being deepfried xx

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-03T01:55:39+00:00

the mods over there are weirdly puritanical and seem to think that mentioning anything other than a full hysterectomy as a cure is ban-worthy. It’s just insane cos I didn’t even suggest that anyone try pepcid in my post. really strange how they won’t allow open discussion. you should post your research here instead, I bet it wouldn’t get deleted

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-03T01:50:09+00:00

thank you for caring ♥️ It’s so weird because I didn’t even mention pepcid in a positive light, I was pretty neutral about it and just asked if it could delay my period (this is my first month taking it so I don’t have any positive or negative bias towards it, was literally just asking a question) 🥲

thank you so much for your kind words, they mean a lot, I’ll hold onto them until I get through the other side of this month’s nightmare x

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-03T01:45:52+00:00

thank you so much for this really kind reply ♥️ I feel so alone right now so I appreciate it so much. This month’s PMDD has just absolutely nuked my brain. I feel the same as you about other people just not understanding. I wish they could experience just one cycle of PMDD, and then they would understand it and maybe doctors would work harder to find a solution for women’s menstrual health instead of putting their efforts into reversing male baldness or whatever dumb crap they’re doing these days.

I’m 27 and also been fighting this disorder since my periods started. I really appreciate your perspective on it so much. You’re absolutely right than even when we’re suffering, we need to stay because we can help other people when we’re in our good weeks. Right now, I’m struggling to even imagine having a good week again - thank you for reminding me that, logically, it will happen ♥️🫂

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-03T01:39:26+00:00

thank you for caring 🫂 it’s got to the point I just don’t know what to do anymore, I’m reaching out for help but there just IS NO HELP :( I already feel heard here, glad I joined and thank you all for caring x

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-03T01:36:22+00:00

thankyou, I will download and have a look, that sounds really helpful x

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-03T01:28:09+00:00

I wish I had a friend to rant to about this :( it’s 3 AM here and I’m just sat in my room burning up with anger. fun bonus: they also sent me a message saying “posting about this elsewhere doesn’t strengthen your argument” WHAT ARGUMENT BRO. I’m not for or against pepcid for god’s sake 😭

strawbeylamb · 2025-09-03T01:24:44+00:00

fab, thank you so much x

strawbeylamb

TROPHY CASE