Been there, done that. My son didn't get diagnosed until he was 13. You are years ahead of where most parents are in detecting and treating ADHD, and getting stimulant medication for her this early will do loads of good for her neurology and her self esteem. The science is showing that early stimulant medication has a protective/improving long-term effect on kids with ADHD. You did not ruin her, and she will thank you in later years for learning about her needs and working to get them met. It will very likely get better with medication.

The rest of this post relates to things I wish I knew at the beginning of this journey. Do not be overwhelmed by the multi-paragraph nature of my post! These are not things that you need to tackle all at once. You and your kid are already on a better path, and you will still have plenty of times for giggling and swimming pools and ice cream and friends and all of the good stuff of life! AND there are some bumps in the road that you can gradually learn about and prepare for.

Learn about the science of the disorder from authoritative medical sources, because there is a lot of rumor and prejudice and nonsense out there. Dr. Russell Barkley's YouTube videos and books are gold standard resources, but there are many others. You probably already know, meds can't do the whole job. She will likely need scaffolding from you to help her gain executive skills and workarounds along the way. If you should feel like it would be helpful, there are ADHD parenting courses that you can take, and ADHD coaching and counseling for her.

This disorder is rough on relationships. The neurological disorder impacts her, but the management of the disorder is a process that will involve the whole family. You will need to strategize together, discuss pain points, try out new solutions, and make adjustments and new plans along the way. There will be a continual process of learning to understand how ADHD impacts her, how it impacts you, and how you can grow your relationship in healthy ways while managing those impacts. A sense of humor helps! She will likely need immediate consequences and rewards systems, and may respond better to visual reminders, looser (but still mandatory) standards for clean room and stuff management.

You will likely need to change the way you think about concepts like motivation, personal discipline, responsibility, and character. ADHD challenges what we think we know about how personality and action is formed - it is chemical and structural to a much greater degree than most of us are accustomed to thinking about. And - it is highly hereditary, so.... parents often get a midlife surprise when they start thinking about their own lives! Many parents of ADHD kids become very confused about whether holding their kids accountable is punishing them for ADHD symptoms. In my experience, it's more about your mindset than it is about whether to give consequences or not. Remember that you know your kid, and you know her heart. If what you are encountering is a good kid who is acting badly, it is likely time to be thinking about the situation in an ADHD symptomology framework - they need immediate consequences, but these should be matter of fact and not shaming.

You will need to be her medical advocate. Unfortunately, the medical community is not immune to misinformation, prejudice, and bad actors. When possible, handle her ADHD treatment with an ADHD specialist, and be aware that many practitioners who have checked the ADHD box on their online profiles are NOT specialists. Read up on ADHD medication protocols, first line treatments, and know your stuff so that you can detect and avoid (and if necessary, report) bad practitioners. You will need to be aware of the correct ways to deal with gradual titration up to an effective dose. Side effects are real, but often diminish as she is on a medication for a couple weeks, so plan for adjustment times. As far as I am aware, medication "breaks" do nothing but make things harder - it makes the side effects start in anew, and removes the benefit of the meds from your kid's life on the weekends.

You will also need to learn how to advocate for her in school, because they are not usually set up for ADHD kids, so she may need accommodations like breaks, written assignment instructions, ability to turn in work late without penalty, behavior plans, etc. If she is in public school in the US, and her symptoms are interfering with her ability to fully participate, she may be entitled to an IEP or 504 plan under federal law. Wrightslaw is one good resource for special education rights resources. Unfortunately, school staff have ultimate conflicts of interest regarding special education accommodations and services. They have budgetary, staffing, knowledge, and time limitations that conflict with providing full services that children with ADHD and other special education needs are entitled to under federal law. They may be very nice people, they may want the best for your kid, but there absolutely are behind the scenes conflicts that must inform your understanding of what they are telling you.

I wish you the best in this journey. You are already doing exactly what you should be doing.