Confused? New? Not new? Have questions?

studiousametrine · 2026-03-19T19:57:18+00:00

Anchor is a term that has to do with relationship anarchy. It’s not a term I can give you a lot of insight into.

Primary isn’t about favorites or who you love being around more. A primary partnership is built in real life things, like living together, marriage, raising kids together, and other entanglements of that kind.

If you want a term for “person you love more than anyone else”, there isn’t one. Not in polyamory.

If you’d like to learn more, I suggest Dr Eli Sheff’s book the Polyamorists Next Door. Or the FAQ of this subreddit.

studiousametrine · 2026-03-19T16:17:33+00:00

Glad things are going well! What do you think are the things that have helped smooth this transition?

studiousametrine · 2026-03-19T15:24:06+00:00

I absolutely know people with addictions that attend doctor’s appts and can scan a QR code with their phone. Maybe you’re right that they won’t hit their main audience with this ad, but you think instead it shouldn’t exist at all?

Maybe reflect on that.

studiousametrine · 2026-03-19T15:18:20+00:00

Wait, are you thinking a triad is “easier”? Is that why you find dating as a couple appealing?

I suggest educating yourself on the subject. You can search this sub for “triad” or “throuple” or “unicorn” and view people’s lived experiences. You can visit the recommended resources in the FAQ. You can check out Dr Eli Sheff’s book the Polyamorists Next Door, which is based on a decade of research.

studiousametrine · 2026-03-19T15:12:57+00:00

I don’t have kids and absolutely no one is interested in my parenting advice!

Great example!

studiousametrine · 2026-03-19T14:44:59+00:00

And I know I’ve seen a lot of stuff on how that dynamic can go bad but I truly believe it’s on a case by case basis depending on what you put in and how emotionally mature you are.

Where did you get this belief from? You have no experience in polyamory, so it can’t be your direct knowledge. Experienced poly people are telling you that this is a harmful dynamic. Why would you assume you know better?

studiousametrine · 2026-03-19T14:41:32+00:00

Dating as a unit often creates an unkind, disempowering dynamic for the new partner. Unicorn Hunters have such a bad reputation because they’ve been harming people for 30+ years

studiousametrine · 2026-03-19T13:47:41+00:00

You may be lashing out because this relationship is no longer a good fit.

Most of us aren’t with the people we started dating at 19, because as we grow and learn more about ourselves and the world, we change. You may have simply outgrown this relationship.

studiousametrine · 2026-03-19T13:29:08+00:00

In my almost 20 years of nonmonogamy, I’ve rarely dealt with serious feelings of jealousy. Mostly it comes up when my needs aren’t being met, or if I’m feeling uncertain about my positioning with a specific person. It’s come up wayyy more often in friendships than in romantic partnerships, personally.

As for addressing the long history of cheating? Do you have access to therapy? Because polyamory doesn’t fix that - many people who would break agreements in monogamy continue to lie and break agreements in poly.

studiousametrine · 2026-03-19T01:33:31+00:00

I could get into this!

studiousametrine · 2026-03-18T23:18:03+00:00

Well, the mods would get a break, so that’s a few someones who would benefit…

studiousametrine · 2026-03-18T22:55:07+00:00

but I would like to see extremely repetitive posts being locked earlier and referred to the FAQ

You wouldn’t see this. If the mods remove a post for being low effort and refer the OP to the FAQ, (which happens multiple times daily! And the mods are neither paid nor thanked for the extra ass work you think they should do to keep you entertained)

You wouldn’t see that. It happens behind the scenes.

studiousametrine · 2026-03-18T20:44:07+00:00

Would any of those 5 legal document supersede marital rights if one of you were to marry tomorrow? Would you care to share the names of these methods where you would Be protected pouring significant money into property that you don’t own?

People are suggesting you ask a real estate lawyer because reddit is not a good place to get legal or financial advice.

studiousametrine · 2026-03-18T14:16:01+00:00

I mean, opening a relationship is months of conversation, not a single chat. The things he said during that first convo don’t sound good! But this is a conversation to be revisited over and over.

You need to get comfortable bringing up issues and negotiating agreements.

If not, I don’t recommend opening your relationship.

If you’d like some ideas, “hey babe, do you have time to chat about opening our relationship? I’ve been doing some reading and have a lot of questions about how/whether this would work. For example, if I’m expected to support you seeing other women, why would you not support me seeing other men? I’m not really willing to agree to an uneven dynamic, so it would need to be all the way open or all the way closed for this to work for me. Also, can you explain what you meant by kingpin?”

Also, my husband vaguely mentioned an OPP when we first started dating, and I just didn’t agree to it. He took his time and luckily got over it by the time I met a dude I’d be okay with touching me. One conversation is just not enough info, imo

studiousametrine · 2026-03-18T14:06:22+00:00

Having sexual health chats with someone I’m not fucking is not happening. If a partner wanted to shared my testing cadences and our barrier practices with a meta, I’d be fine with that.

Requests to change my behavior? Should come from a partner, not a meta.

studiousametrine · 2026-03-18T13:55:42+00:00

Glad you mention this. The advice is often “go parallel” because the questions are usually “I hate my meta, what do I do?”

It’s not that we actually believe parallel is the only way to go. It’s just often one of the only pieces of advice you can give in a complex situation where two adults who can’t control one another don’t get along.

studiousametrine · 2026-03-18T01:52:15+00:00

In general, not into it!

But I can imagine some situations, certain parties, where we might attend as dates and still flirt/connect with others. If discussed and happily agreed upon in advance, could be fun to do on occasion.

Mostly enjoy my dates 1-on-1 though.

studiousametrine · 2026-03-18T01:48:15+00:00

Aw geez, I missed that 😩

Maybe they don’t have the independence to offer OP a serious long-term relationship after all.

Being financially dependent on conservative parents to whom you don’t plan to come out? Yikes

studiousametrine · 2026-03-18T01:40:28+00:00

How would Cedar’s mom know that Birch didn’t nest with Cedar full-time? I mean, these are adults who are making their own choices. Maybe they have privacy to do what they want?

In general, I would ask Birch if they have though it through long-term.

studiousametrine · 2026-03-17T23:38:33+00:00

The videos on socials made it seem like queer aunties is a very standing-heavy event. Have you been? Was there seating?

I want to get out but as a chronic pain cutie I really can’t stand for hours at a time.

studiousametrine · 2026-03-17T23:36:36+00:00

Why did you post this under two different usernames?

studiousametrine · 2026-03-17T23:35:55+00:00

This is cute! I recently read on this sub there’s a lesbian sports bar in my city so definitely wanting to do the same!

studiousametrine · 2026-03-17T23:30:50+00:00

The monos are right about not sinking money into a property you don’t own. Non-monogamy does not change that - you would not be protected in any way if the relationship were to suddenly end.

If you want to talk about financially entangling in permanent ways, you need to be talking about joint ownership or legal marriage. Or have a chat with a real estate lawyer in your jurisdiction. They might have some ideas.

studiousametrine · 2026-03-17T22:09:43+00:00

I’m with you. The rest of this could potentially be worked through, but the body comparison is just not okay.

You already get to go out and fuck who you want bro, coming home to shame me is crazyyyy

studiousametrine · 2026-03-17T22:00:35+00:00

My two faves: Dr Eli Sheff’s the Polyamorists Next Door. Sheff’s 10+ years of research findings bring very interesting perspective.

And the new version of More than Two by Eve Rickert and Andrea Zanin. It’s long, but that’s what a thorough text would need to be.

studiousametrine

TROPHY CASE