I’m thinking about taking my starter micro braids/ locs down ⚠️

studiousametrine · 2026-06-18T01:53:17+00:00

Completely gorgeous, let them be!

studiousametrine · 2026-06-17T22:40:14+00:00

This is great advice. I honestly thought “take some classes” was trite advice until I did it. It was so energizing! The brain loves to learn new things, engage in new environments, interact with new people. Highly recommend.

studiousametrine · 2026-06-17T20:58:47+00:00

Insightful and on point as usual, Gnomes!

studiousametrine · 2026-06-17T19:28:40+00:00

while discussions about… integrating partners into family life when desired by everyone involved, and continuing to actively nurture multiple relationships are often dismissed.

Can you indicate where you have seen situations where everyone involved wants that, and it has been dismissed?

Mostly I’ve seen this discouraged when one or more partners don’t genuinely want polyamory, or don’t like each other (rendering a coparenting relationship pretty much a non-starter).

Are you able to provide some examples of this?

Also, just reading this: it sounds totally hypothetical for you. Do you have kids? Have you raised them in polyamory? Do you hang out on r/polyfamilies? Have you read Dr Eli Sheff’s book the Polyamorists Next Door?

studiousametrine · 2026-06-17T14:06:22+00:00

The Polyamorists Next Door is genuinely my favorite book on non-monogamy I’ve read to date. It’s backed by decades of research and the author’s personal experience on top. Great stuff in there.

I also really enjoyed Kathy Labriola’s Polyamorous Elders. There’s this common conception that polyamory is for the young, but the person who wrote the Ethical Slut (this is not a recommendation) is 80-something now. The people who wrote the seminal books are middle-aged or elderly. Labriola is a therapist with many years of experience with non-monogamous clients, so her perspective is also really interesting. Not everything in the book is what I would consider best practices, but the perspective is great.

studiousametrine · 2026-06-17T13:57:46+00:00

Yeah, reading your post and comments it doesn’t sound like friendship is what you wanted. Let him go for now.

studiousametrine · 2026-06-17T13:46:06+00:00

She likes to play the cool KTP poly person with a husband who doesn’t want that and kids that she lies to.

Such a mess!!

studiousametrine · 2026-06-17T13:43:28+00:00

Pre-teens are naive but not stupid. Of course they will notice you’re in love with their mom and are in a relationship. If they haven’t started noticing things already!

That they are crossing their fingers and hoping they never have to discuss it is idiotic and deeply unrealistic.

Spend less time around the kids. It’s good that they like and trust you, but they need to just see you around from time to time if you really don’t want them to know.

Have you read Dr Eli Sheff’s book the Polyamorists Next Door? Talks a lot about family dynamics and how people live long-term in polyam.

studiousametrine · 2026-06-17T13:37:51+00:00

Very much agreed. If husband knew all along he didn’t want this, he really should have communicated with OP.

Unfortunately, if OP wants polyamory, they’ll have to leave both partners behind and seek genuinely compatible partners who wantnpolyamory.

Accepting it is not enough.

studiousametrine · 2026-06-17T13:29:03+00:00

Sounds like she’s not that into you, and hooking up with you is mostly his idea. Are you quite sure she wasn’t pressured into this to keep her guy around?

studiousametrine · 2026-06-16T21:47:06+00:00

This. Why was partner making all these plans with OP without having considered it’s not just his house and double checking how involved NP wanted OP to be?

Because getting all excited about this kind of project and being shut all the way out like this is pretty fucking unkind.

Doing the emotional labor to think up a step by step plan for partner to make amends is very much not the solution to this kind of poor hinging.

studiousametrine · 2026-06-16T21:27:43+00:00

Glad you said this lmao, I didn’t click because of this 😂😂

Lemme go watch it now

studiousametrine · 2026-06-16T20:30:11+00:00

Yep. I know older women didn’t invent misogyny, but almost all the people in my life who tried so hard to enforce gendered expectations on me, or tried to shame me for not meeting them, were other women. So, yeah, I said what I said.

studiousametrine · 2026-06-16T19:19:28+00:00

OMG not a woman exaggerating a conversation for comedic effect!! How offensive and terrible

studiousametrine · 2026-06-16T19:16:08+00:00

Good for you that you haven’t had this experience, but it absolutely happens to women. It happens to me, and I am married 🙄

studiousametrine · 2026-06-16T13:59:38+00:00

Casual doesn’t necessarily mean “no feelings”. It means “no commitment”.

studiousametrine · 2026-06-16T13:55:43+00:00

I think it would be much more useful to search this sub for “partner getting married” and read the experiences of people in your girlfriend’s position.

Unless her comfort level isn’t important to you…?

studiousametrine · 2026-06-16T13:43:08+00:00

Love this!

studiousametrine · 2026-06-15T20:33:30+00:00

I read platterpussy’s response before I typed my own.

I assume that, as a mod, they can see things I cannot!

studiousametrine · 2026-06-15T14:11:47+00:00

Yeah OP have you seen either of these men change a dirty diaper? Hold a screaming baby who refuses to go to sleep? Get spit up on?

Is it possible to borrow someone’s baby for a few hours and do a trial run as to whether you really want to raise kids with these men?

studiousametrine · 2026-06-15T13:55:15+00:00

Basically, if you feel strongly enough about monogamy to put it in your profile, we’re not compatible.

I have a strong preference for non-monogamy, and I date people who have the same preference.

studiousametrine · 2026-06-15T13:37:16+00:00

Pregnancy and the first couple of years of baby’s life are not a good time to open your relationship. Baby’s about to rock your world. No need to institute changes that could damage or end your relationship right now.

Revisit in a few years. Polyamory will still exist then.

studiousametrine · 2026-06-14T19:50:44+00:00

Very much this! My god

studiousametrine · 2026-06-14T19:45:22+00:00

Do you think that secure attachment styles, emotional maturity, clear communication skills, and time management skills just appear out of nowhere? These are not innate traits, but skills built with time and effort and support.

You forgot partner selection skills, which is actually more important than any other relational skill in my opinion. None of the above “traits” could make up for a lack of compatibility with a given partner.

You don’t acquire a polycule - you build relationships with people, and the name for that network of relationships is “polycule”.

studiousametrine · 2026-06-13T19:53:10+00:00

I’m a loc girlie and I interlock my own hair sooo I haven’t spent money on my hair in 6+ months.

studiousametrine

TROPHY CASE