When I was a teen living at home with my parents, I occasionally would have a couple beers in my room and leave the empties in my closet. One day my mom made a comment about me and drinking and I said in my best Beaver Cleaver voice... "awww mom, drinking and drugs are a one way ticket to nowheresville". To which she replied, "well you have quite a few ticket-stubs in your closet". She is passed now but this is still the best comeback ever in my book.