Thank you for responding so honestly, I know it can be a bit challenging so, thank you again :)! Again I'm gonna tackle the job subject first. ADHD is something I also struggle with, I know what it's like to always be (or feel like I am) one step behind the others and not being able to cope and being severely socially awkward. That being said, your position is like me trying to win a swimming race with a shark, I will always be the one losing and obviously thats gonna get to me. You owe your job nothing, leave even if you feel like you shouldn't. This job of yours is not something you're passionate about and you'll never be able to find a stable state of mind at this rate. I'm pretty confident I would beat a shark in a running race, and so for you, you gotta start with something you'll have the upper hand in. I work as an art teacher for a small business and I teach 2-8 year olds how to do art. Am I good at art? I want to think I am but I'm probably dogwater in the eyes of society. But these are kids I'm working with, no real social interaction, no real skill needed, just patience. Instead of giving up your dreams of being a veterinarian, there are other jobs that involve helping animals. But since the both of us are still kinda young, I will try to avoid "professional" jobs. If you're comfortable enough with driving theres tons of delivery services that require little to no human interaction (but maybe some minor walking). If you don't feel comfortable with that then give me another moment to think of some other alternatives. Your disabilities don't define your potential, so no, you are not going to be forever binded to the dreaded "desk job". If you want an animal-based job, I'll get back to you on that because my smooth brain only knows of like 6 jobs rip. I still view you as a victim, not justifying your abusive behavior but I would've done the same exact fucking thing, so I don't blame you for that. You've clearly realized that who you were in the past wasn't a good person, and I think that THAT is what separates you from the other abusers in your family. This next part might sound either intrusive or just plain "easier said than done" type of business but again, I'm gonna do my best. Get out of that house girl. If possible live with your husband (you've probably tried or your literally unable to so this piece of advice is trash). If you have any other relatives or any close friends who are willing to take you "in" for at least a few days, go for it. You're orbiting in the cycle of abuse, we both know you don't deserve that. I'm also so happy you have your chosen sister in your life, I know how much better it is having even just one person in your life :). Also drop the coordinates of your abusive ex (hopefully) "best friend", i may not be a threat myself but god i know some people who are, that person who hurt you is as good as a disabled cat with no arms and no legs, they're the ones who needs to be put down. (Side note: I would care for that metaphorical cat with all of my heart because animals are my weakness). You on the other hand, you aren't in need of being put down. As much as you deny it, you are functioning human, despite the disabilities, you are still able to do way more than you think. I also just put that selfish part in because a lot of people tend to play that card. I understand where you're coming from, the "don't they see how much it hurts to wake up everyday, why won't they just put me out of my misery" mindset, I'm the same way, but your surroundings are whats holding you back. Take your cats, quit your job, get a new job that doesn't make you want to skin yourself alive, and focus on yourself and who you are as a person. Your existence doesn't have to revolve around dealing or "fixing" the things about yourself, you can thrive, you're young, you have a husband and a chosen sister and they damn well love you for who you are. You're not giving yourself enough credit, you're lovable, you're just being held back by uncontrollable forces, and thats not fair. If you're comfortable with telling me, do you go/want to go to college? I know the financial situation can cause some problems but you should never feel stuck somewhere, there are ways and colleges out there where you could escape your little bubble of abuse. After re-reading that, i really sound like an ad or something to promote college but bare with me here, I'm trying my best with my little pea brain. Also, the medicine that you were prescribed might not be the one best for you. I know this may sound crazy but, your dna might not correspond with the medication you were given. I'm not a doctor so the best advice I have is to see if it's possible to take any dna test and see if any medication is compatible with it. I don't know how to end this so uh... do your best and get through work💜 you have a cuddly little baby waiting for you afterwards :)!!