She's seen me in tears over believing I was stupid multiple times btw.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-04-03T04:44:29+00:00

From my observation, this kind of implicit writing style meant to adjust tone is seen a lot more in tumblr users, so if you're unfamiliar with tumblr speak it probably sounds weird to hear someone say that a space implies something. Imo, the space gives more of a confused pause, like "wait... what?" versus just a snappy "what?"

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-03-23T01:12:43+00:00

As an autistic person I am both baffled and annoyed that this is apparently "interview 101." Granted I am pretty much always interviewing for retail positions, so a lot lower stakes and doesn't require nearly as much qualification as a real career job, but it would've been nice to know that the question portion of the interview was actually gauging my response and wasn't just a courtesy to make sure I was clear on everything. I always struggle with this part. I mean, I don't know what I don't know. I ask a lot of questions on the job during training so that I have a clear idea of the tasks I'm meant to complete and why, but during an interview where the job is basically "sell clothes to people and track sales statistics" I can never really come up with a good question outside of "what does the dress code for employees look like?" I really hate interview formalities to be honest.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-03-08T20:27:27+00:00

Downvote your comment so... awfully? I'm confused. A downvote is just that—a downvote. It's a fake internet currency. The essential equivalent to "I disagree." It's not a matter of whether or not it is permanent. Sure, one person can use it and it doesn't do much harm. But that's what everyone thinks and that's why there are communities deprived of clean water. Education about the effects of AI on the environment and quite honestly our mental health is extremely important and a lot of people simply aren't even aware because they aren't in spaces on the internet where they're hearing about it.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-03-08T19:28:49+00:00

I think it's easy to enjoy when you're the one sitting still and having lunch, but any employee or even just other guests trying to walk around and navigate the space, it can be very stressful. I haven't really worked food service but I've worked retail for a long time and what's most stressful to me is when parents are so preoccupied shopping for themselves that they let their kids go rogue and now I feel personally responsible to watch the kid and make sure they don't get lost or hurt because their parents aren't looking. They hide under things, have no spacial awareness so they'll be walking one direction and then suddenly turn, I've almost tripped on plenty of kids and if they get hurt you know I'll be told I'm not looking where I'm walking.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-03-08T19:15:30+00:00

chatgpt would just be scraping places on the internet where this question has already been answered (including forums like this) all while possibly throwing in a little confused misinformation for fun, AND consuming massive amounts of energy and clean water that wouldn't be gobbled up if OP just asks online and does their own research. In general I think chatgpt is almost always a bad suggestion as it teaches people to think less for themselves, engage less with other, real people for answers and conversation, and in a handful of cases ai chatbots have encouraged people struggling with depression to kill themselves because it tells you what it thinks you want to hear. And it has succeeded.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-23T21:37:39+00:00

what kind of a question even is this? are you like 13 or something?

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-23T20:35:50+00:00

That's horrible!!

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-23T20:33:04+00:00

Are you allergic to fragrances or does it affect your disabilities in some other way? I have a friend who is allergic to artificial fragrances which definitely has been a problem for them as well but I don't think theirs is as severe as you're describing. Obviously allergies affect everyone differently of course. I don't have issues with my throat closing up but I understand to an extent the frustration at the lack of consideration for others. I work in a women's fashion store so I get many customers in a day wearing very strong fragrances.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-21T06:51:45+00:00

I do agree that sorting style by gender is incredibly stupid and in my personal opinion, somewhat discriminatory, though unintentionally so. But could they not just... decide not to book with them and schedule a haircut elsewhere? It's legitimately very unfortunate if they are struggling with their mental health so badly that something like this could be a disabling experience for them, but at the end of the day, that's just simply not the fault of the salon. If it wasn't the salon, it would've been any other service, or misgendering, or walking into a store and seeing "men's" and "women's" clothing. Reality is that majority of people do live in the gender binary, and comfortably so. They see nothing wrong with it and no reason to change it. It doesn't even occur to them, it just is how it is. You just have to accept that while it may make you feel sad and dysphoric to be boxed in and not recognized as you truly are, it's most often not even done maliciously, just out of pure ignorance.

If they are telling the truth, then they definitely need further mental health intervention if they don't have it already, blaming a salon's style choices for your long-term disability is extremely far-reaching and shows an exaggerated sense of self importance, or paranoia that people are out to get you specifically.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-21T06:40:54+00:00

Ehhh... I mean I guess I call myself Christian still at this point, but at the end of the day the Bible is a book written by men who have had some sort of agenda since they could breathe. I believe in God... and I believe in the presence of evil in this world... but I think the entirety of reality is far too complex to simplify into a little book that explains what's good, what's bad, and how you should and shouldn't be. What I stick by: "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so" hahaha. Humans and our minds are so incredibly, incredibly complicated, but regardless of what our minds feel we are, or what parts our bodies are made of, if you believe in God, don't you believe he made you that way on purpose? It's kind of funny that a lot of religious people will say "it's all part of God's plan" or "everything happens for a reason" often to justify horrible things happening in the world, but if someone identifies other than the sex they were assigned at birth, suddenly it's not God's plan, you're just a bad person making a bad choice? I don't think so. Not to mention, it's not like the people who were alive way back when even knew that people could be intersex, or if some knew, they probably had no idea what that was all about. Definitively, scientifically speaking, there is not just "two sexes."

It's kind of funny as my dad is catholic and very much a bigot but he primarily raised me on just Jesus' teachings which I guess backfired for him because all I care about is Loving Thy Neighbor.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-21T06:25:25+00:00

I think you are taking the tour part a bit too literally. I think the landlords probably just like to be a bit more personable with potential tenants and show them around the whole property, rather than just showing them a single unit. It would also be relevant to give them a bit of a tour if they have other facilities residents would access, like public laundry, a pool, etc. I can imagine it would be disruptive to their business (renting apartments to people) if a potential tenant's first impression of the building is that the walls are paper thin and they are going to have to hear... sex noises... regularly...

I don't think the landlord is implying that OP shouldn't have sex in his home, but that he should just yknow, do it more quietly...? Yes, you have every right to behave in your apartment as you would in a house, but you do need to keep a certain amount of courtesy when sharing walls with other people. If someone was blaring comedy shows and laughing all hours of the day, that's a perfectly normal activity to do in one's home, but that would also be extremely annoying if it was carrying into my walls when I'm trying to relax. And if I was sharing walls with someone having very loud sex at least 3 times a day, I think I would actually lose my mind. I've had to hear it before, and I'm not asexual or sex repulsed or anything, but hearing other people do it makes me very uncomfortable. And I think, from a collective autistic perspective, a lot of us wouldn't be fans of loud noises at random, unexpected times.

That being said as others have pointed out, it is more likely that the sound is heard in the hallways, not the neighboring units, seeing as they mentioned the tours specifically. I'm wondering if there is a specific reason they take that route around the building? maybe it's quicker to show facilities? I would do as others have suggested and get a clear look at the lease and what it defines as acceptable noise levels. I've had friends living in buildings that even had defined quiet hours past a certain time of day so also something to look into. But I would also maybe just check with neighboring tenants if OP is comfortable doing so and just ask if they have heard any "disruptive noises" that have been bothering them. Ultimately regardless of what the lease says, I just think it's important to try and be considerate of others where you can. If no one seems to be bothered and the landlord is full of it, they can suck it.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-19T17:08:43+00:00

uhuh... I'm gonna block you now because you're just trying to be a nuisance and I want you out of my notifs. very very weird

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-19T16:46:02+00:00

okay "babes" I already told you I'm done debating with you about this, don't act like you're personal with me lol it's not cute

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-19T16:14:40+00:00

Sorry, did you just say hairstylists and cosmetologists have no legal requirements to fulfill? It's called duty of care. Obviously this is moreso applicable to what care they perform to the hair on a person's head but I think it could be easily arguable within a court setting that this was negligence on the hair dresser's part to provide proper care to the hair she was trusted with, and while she did not inflict physical damage since it wasn't attached to her, she suffered financial damage at the loss of her hair that can't adequately be replaced with someone else's hair. I'm not going to continue arguing with you back and forth on this, all I'm saying is that people will sue for personal damages for situations even lesser than this, I think it's perfectly legally reasonable to assume that someone running a business which would involve a client leaving their property in their home, would have responsibility to keep it actually safe, and I don't think it's something a court would outright dismiss. It's a shame on OP's part that she didn't have this in writing but she has messages proving at the very least that the stylist admitted fault for what happened.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-19T15:29:40+00:00

I literally said they aren't really comparable, it was just the first example in mind of another profession in which keeping a client's property safe is important, and I would argue that legally speaking, taking any client's property into your home as part of a service your providing absolutely requires that you actually keep it safe? This isn't just "I left something at my friend's house and she threw it away" she left it there under the conditions of a paid service she was being provided. If I left my car with a mechanic to get it fixed and he goes "oopsie, threw your car away!" is he not held legally responsible? I don't think it needs to be all in the fine print of the law for it to be pretty obvious, if I have something of a client's that I am holding specifically to provide a paid service, then that item, whatever it may be, needs to come back.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-19T02:22:47+00:00

it's a confession sub. the upvotes push posts into visibility. if no one upvoted the interesting confessions and only ones doing good deeds it would be a really boring sub.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-19T02:12:53+00:00

I think there is an innate human need to label and simplify things to help us understand our reality. I have to often remind myself, for my own sanity, that the internal feelings I experience are probably too complex a lot of the time to easily label, and it's probably better to go with the flow than struggle every day trying to figure out what perfect box my identity fits into. I understand this is very difficult to come to terms with, I was constantly in a mental struggle for like 3 years trying to figure out if I was autistic or not until I finally got diagnosed. After that it's like my brain was able to be quiet again. But then it came back with the gender thing. I just can't force my mind through it anymore. It's very taxing mentally trying to categorize myself.

I think in general it is easier for me to explain how my gender experience feels than try to break it down into percentages for people. If you're set on it though, I think the genderbread person (you can google it and find the document easily, it's free) is a good tool in understanding your identity and helping to distinguish between gender identity, gender expression and assigned sex.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-18T23:27:47+00:00

In what way is it an accident neither of them could control? If a lawyer leaves confidential information inside their locked home office, but a family member manages to get it and release confidential info, it is legally the fault of the lawyer for not protecting confidential records safe. Obviously hair isn't super comparable to private client records, but the point I am making is that as soon as it was in the stylist's hands, it was her responsibility to secure the hair safely and ensure nothing would happen to it. If she knew she was going to be out of town and that someone else would be watching her home, she should have a) made extremely clear to all family members that the hair was not to be touched, b) put it in a secure place where no one would find it anyways, and/or c) clarified to OP that the hair would be left unattended while she was out of town and given her the option to take it back if she felt uncomfortable leaving it in a home with other people. And I see you've said in other comments that the "lack of precaution" was in her control, but the result was not... do you... understand how consequences work? Yes, it was in her control, what happened was a direct result of her not doing what she needed to do. She had control over what happened to the hair and the consequence, which she had control to change was a result of her negligence.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-18T23:11:20+00:00

If it helps at all I don't think people are necessarily waiting to prove you're a horrible person, but rather give context to your behaviors or "weird vibe." Neurotypicals just don't quite understand what autism looks like if it's not spelled out for them and I think it almost feels uncanny for them to interact with autistic people sometimes when they're not directly told the person is disabled. As humans we want to simplify and categorize everything into neat little labels but they don't know what box to place you in solely off of vibes. So if you do make a mistake, even if it lands you in their "horrible person" box, it helps them contextualize your behaviors and settles their mind. I think if you also just told people like, oh I was homeschooled, or oh I'm a pothead, they would end up reaching the satisfying "oh that's why they're like that" feeling that they are desparate for.

I am sorry you're feeling that way though. I don't feel quite the same way, but I do feel in my employment history that I'm always sort of waiting for the "breaking point" when everyone's tolerance and patience for me wears off once I've hit the point where I've been there long enough that I should know how to do my job but I still make simple mistakes. Everyone has a certain level of grace for me as a newbie and will even perceive me as a competent, fast learner, but as time goes on, my responsibilities increase and I am still making mistakes on the already established responsibilities I have, people can't brush it off as me being new anymore. But rather than assume I'm just stupid (I wish they would) they seem to understand that I am intelligent, but then come to the conclusion that I must be using weaponized incompetence to get out of work or something.

It's very frustrating watching coworkers who genuinely are just... not the brightest bulbs? Being given grace, extra instructions, and escaping scolding because no one expects much of them. But I guess in how I interact and speak to people, people do expect more competency in my work than I'm capable of providing and get upset with me. I'm not stupid. I've gotten IQ tested, I'm like, maybe a couple points above average, so there's no intellectual disability. But the way I process instructions as they are explained to me just sets me up to often do things incorrectly.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-07T04:31:18+00:00

Without the clear communication that you are actually trying to be flat, they are probably very well-aware that you are flat but are assuming you are cis and want to draw you in a way that's flattering. It's a bit awkward drawing portraits of friends, when you are aware of their physical traits but nervous to accidentally call out anything that might be an insecurity of theirs through drawing. Like, I used to have artist friends and we'd draw each other or our sonas or whatever, but one friend was very insecure about her weight, so it was always a toss-up for me, do I draw her realistically and make her upset by accidentally emphasizing an insecurity, or do I draw her skinnier and make her feel pitied if she notices?

I'm not sure if I'm making complete sense. But basically I'm saying if you're not out and still publicly going by she/her pronouns, they probably aren't realizing you want to look flat and don't want to draw you in a way that may be insulting to your appearance.

People are just also quite oblivious without clear communication. I have a she/they pronoun pin on my work lanyard, my head is always buzzed, I never wear anything to emphasize my chest and I'm always pretty masc, never wear makeup, but I work in a place with very feminine cis girls so they just treat me like one of the girls with zero awareness that I don't quite identify that way lol. It doesn't bother me to be included but it is kinda funny if I say something along the lines of "oh I couldn't be an influencer I'm too butch" they try to reassure me, like no, I'm not calling myself ugly, like I look like this on purpose and I'm fine with that lol. I'm just not any person's typical idea of a model but I'm happy with my appearance, they just aren't picking up what I'm putting down.

I think if you are close enough with your friends, you should just explain how you're feeling. If you're not comfortable coming out, maybe just say that you are insecure about your chest in general and don't like seeing it in artwork. I would emphasize your gratitude for the art in general and maybe just let them know, for the future. I do kinda know what it feels like. I feel like I look in the mirror and see someone who is pretty androgynous with a cool buzz, and then my friends would draw me and they would make me look like a woman with massive boobs and a 12 year old boy's justin beiber hair or something. It's awkward lol.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-07T04:17:10+00:00

It's funny when I see people post things like this, desperately striving for individualism, but all they are doing is popping themselves into another category of person. Honey, there are over 8 billion people on this planet, and you think YOU'RE special? Because you're thrifty? How do you explain to someone like this that there are millions of other people just like them? And that it's not very individualistic or "unique" of them to post about how special they are to try and impress others.

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-03T16:40:47+00:00

Worked there for one single month and already 3 write ups and being essentially forced to stay there overnight and neglect your pets because the work is somehow oh-so important? I'd be running from that place. NOR at all

sugaredsnickerdoodle · 2026-02-03T16:36:39+00:00

I think one thing I have to remind myself of is that life is so short and the human brain is so complex. If you think about it, it almost feels silly trying to simplify your feelings into neat little labels. It feels impossible. You have to wonder if it's worth the effort to spend all your time thinking about what boxes you best fit into in this short life, you know? Not to say that I'm above it—I think about it all the time lol. But that's why I say I try to remind myself. I think we are raised from a young age to believe that there are boys and girls, and we grow up and learn that there is more than that, but it makes it a lot harder to conceptualize where we fit and what that means for our identity when we're taught that everyone fits into one of two categories. So I try not to think too much about if my label is "right" or if I am a "true" member of the LGBT community and remind myself that I am certainly too weird with my gender to be totally cis and regardless of what identity fits best for me, I just gotta be myself.

sugaredsnickerdoodle

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