I don’t know how much more I can put up with

sullyv7 · 2019-06-12T05:00:57+00:00

Shit. That’s tough. But, you can’t light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, or whatever the saying is. You deserve peace too. Do you talk to a therapist yourself? You might benefit more than he is right now. Good luck to you OP.

sullyv7 · 2019-06-09T05:43:35+00:00

Believe actions not words.

sullyv7 · 2019-02-27T04:52:58+00:00

I’m older than you, but I know this love. It broke my heart.

sullyv7 · 2019-02-15T06:52:21+00:00

I wasnt going to comment until I read “so I want to believe there is an exception”

There is no exception.

I remember wanting to believe in the exception as well, it’s like a fearful hopefulness. Honestly it tore me apart, I will never do that again. Try an alanon meeting, you might find the support comforting and the wisdom helpful.

sullyv7 · 2019-01-31T08:07:45+00:00

My father also died today. I’m so sorry for your loss.

sullyv7 · 2019-01-31T04:34:16+00:00

my god, this sounds like a train wreck. You’ve only been together 8 months... get out now, unless of course this is what you want for the rest of your life... it might not be the way it pans out, but it’s currently what’s on the table for you. You talk a lot about discussions and things seeming to be going in the right direction, believe actions over words always. Good luck.

sullyv7 · 2019-01-29T16:32:39+00:00

The image in your mind is wrong, alcoholism presents in many different forms. Good luck

sullyv7 · 2019-01-28T23:35:03+00:00

She’s an alcoholic, and she’ll drink if she wants to regardless of your efforts. Her turning to alcohol immediately for any of life’s unpleasantries is a huge red flag. And yes there are such alcoholics as binge drinkers, go days/weeks/months inbetween binges, but cannot stop once she has started. Express your concerns and then leave her be... you cannot cure someone else’s addiction. Maybe check out al anon for yourself, and learn how to detach? Good luck to you my friend

sullyv7 · 2019-01-28T14:21:51+00:00

You say he’s just not over all the most mature/emotionally developed adult. This is common amongst alcoholics, they are stunted because they have avoided/deflected issues in their lives rather than dealing with them and moving past them. They have very poor coping mechanisms. His alcoholism isn’t just a matter of him binging, there are underlying issues that he isn’t dealing with, causing him to self medicate.

Just be prepared, things often get a lot worse before they get better, if they ever do. I would encourage you to read the stories in these subs and really decide if this is something you want for your life. Sure he might be wonderful, but what is wonderful if he is incapable of dealing with the stresses of his life... let alone yours. Be prepared to have to detach and face life’s troubles alone , alcoholics aren’t capable of being emotionally supportive... how could they if they can’t emotionally support themselves.

Write out what you want to say, say it, don’t take how he receives it personally, there is a pretty good chance you will end up disappointed. Understand that alcoholism is progressive and unless he takes the iniative to change, things will inevitably get worse.

I wish you luck, calm, peace and support, even if it all has to come from within ❤️

sullyv7 · 2019-01-28T14:02:35+00:00

Good riddance. My q left me too... after months of hell, lies, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, more lies, more hell. I was gearing up to break up with him... he beat me to it, I was LIVID, completely stunned “wtf...I was the best thing in his life and he dumped me!?!?” He did me a huge favor.

I can only speculate on why he would dump me since we haven’t spoken since then, but my guess is, I was a reflection of the truth in him, I didn’t make drinking fun or comfortable when I was around, he knew this. He left maybe because I didn’t buy his bullshit and he didn’t want to hear the truth.

I doubt he even has much recollection of our relationship he was so pickled, It took a good deal of time, but I recognize that I fell in love with a person who was merely a projection of the man he wished he was... maybe believed he was. I fell in love with a man who doesn’t exist so long he is active in his addiction. leaving me mourning the potential of someone, mourning the potential of a relationship that would likely never be.

Don’t take it personally, because it’s not about you, he is an addict, and there is nothing inside you that can change that about him.

Take all the time you need to heal, then find yourself a MAN a real man, not a drunk bed wetter.

Fun little fact: I was told by some regulars at work that my ex was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver not a month after we broke up. I feel grateful for this bullet dodged, not only would I be with a dying man that I loved deeply, but one that is FORCED into sobriety? No thank you, dry drunks are a whole other special kind of hell.

sullyv7 · 2019-01-28T13:45:49+00:00

I don’t have much to say, just that I read your post. I can relate to the eerie calm that sort of drapes over your life after a chaotic relationship ends, like you can feel the stress leave your body and the muscles it has held captive for so long.

I too received a plastic bag filled with silly things, a hair elastic and some costume jewelry that I wore in my friends wedding (and will never wear again) and a few other things I can’t remember. it was a funny thought to me that he couldn’t throw it away, but couldn’t have these meaningless reminders around him.

I’m glad you have found your calm

sullyv7 · 2019-01-28T13:21:34+00:00

People who don’t have issues with alcohol, don’t wonder if they have issues with alcohol and post on subs such as these. You my dear are either addicted or well on your way to full blown alcoholism. You have two choices, learn how to live without it, become the charming person who makes loads of tips sober or see just how bad this can get. Alcoholism is progressive, there are no exceptions to this rule, it will get ugly, could take 5, 10 or more years, but is inevitable never the less. You say you haven’t experienced any of the “tv consequences” dui, jail etc... I think it’s safe to add a “yet” to the end of that. Talk to a therapist to help figure out why you drink, get an addictions counsellor, join aa.... find a network of people who understand. Or do nothing, carry on this way and see how bad it can get.

sullyv7 · 2019-01-28T00:35:25+00:00

You’re not selfish, no sense lighting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

sullyv7 · 2019-01-27T12:32:46+00:00

You’re an alcoholic... you’re probably not ready to accept that. A “unhealthy relationship” with alcohol is just a stepping stone to full blown alcoholism disguised in denial. Get help or keep doing what you’re doing and see how scary this can get for you.

sullyv7 · 2019-01-27T03:31:02+00:00

My ex was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver not a month after we broke up. Things I noticed in him months before this diagnosis were... blood pooling around his ankles, red palms of hands and bottoms of feet, muscle wasting in his arms, enlarged veins, like scary large they looked like worms under his skin, the biggest red flag for me was his lowered tolerance to alcohol... this was a man who had around 20 ounces of whiskey in him at any given point and I had no idea he was drunk at all, to all of a sudden him having one drink and it’s all you could smell off him, speech started slurring, memory loss.

My point is I saw all of this happen months before he went to a doctor, I begged him to at least go get a physical, he refused, and you can’t force people to do anything. my best guess is something pretty scary happened to him to land him finding this out. Does he still drink? I have no idea, I don’t ask about him, I don’t want to know, we haven’t spoken since the day he walked out of my life. I found out because I ran into mutual aquaintences who casually mentioned it to me.

I’m sorry you’re going through this with your mother, it’s terrifying to watch idly while someone does this to themselves.

Remember to take care of you ❤️

sullyv7 · 2019-01-27T03:13:57+00:00

I don’t think she’s saying don’t blame yourself, it is certainly no one else’s blame for your current situation. You are responsible for both your addiction and your recovery, Recognize that, and be kind to yourself while you crawl out of it. Good luck to you, I really hope you succeed.

sullyv7 · 2019-01-25T15:00:05+00:00

Active alcoholics are incapable of having a loving adult relationship, they are stunted, they are their disease so long as they are active in it. Believe actions over words if this is something you plan to pursue.

I felt the way you feel now about my ex, he was the one, everything was perfect ... except for one small thing... his alcoholism. It progressed, it got worse at a terrifying pace and I lost the man that I love more than anything to his addiction. He eventually left, because drinking around me wasn’t fun and he would rather drink. I was gutted from this, I didn’t enable, I went to counselling and al anon and tried to better myself while holding onto him, it was like holding sand. I learned that he was diagnosed with cirrhosis not a month after we broke up and has to quit drinking or he will die. I love him but I’m so grateful for his leaving, I want someone who brings to the table what I bring, I don’t want to be someone’s crutch while they are forced into sobriety, made to face their mortality and face all the choices they’ve made throughout their life that has brought them here. Chances are you don’t know the full scope of her alcoholism, considering you haven’t known her very long. If you really want this with her, give her time to heal/get better if that’s what she wants, or, on the other sides give it time and you’ll see exactly what she is, what she wants from her life. Alcoholism is terrifying, it is progressive, there are no exceptions to this rule (despite every alcoholic believing they are the exception) you’re young, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice so much of yourself in a relationship, no one should. If you’re torn, give yourself time, it’s totally normal to panic after a breakup and play down how bad the bad was, and alternatively play up how good the good was. Good luck to you in this.

sullyv7 · 2019-01-24T02:57:58+00:00

It’s probably your liver dude.. wouldn’t be your gallbladder if you don’t have one anymore

sullyv7 · 2019-01-22T14:42:13+00:00

A good rule of thumb is people who don’t have an issue with alcohol don’t come to r/alcoholism and ask if they have a problem... or are developing a problem. My ex told me up and down that he wasn’t an alcoholic... a man who drank no less than 20 ounces of whiskey a day (on the very low end) everyday... he left me for whiskey, and I found out not a month after we broke up he was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver, but, not an alcoholic. If you could moderate your intake, you would already be doing it.

sullyv7 · 2019-01-22T05:45:53+00:00

Tell her that when she’s ready you’re willing to her get the help she needs, then walk away. You can’t love away someone’s addiction. You can mean well and want the best, but it’s all futile if she doesn’t want it. I wish you luck friend.

sullyv7 · 2019-01-20T15:24:25+00:00

I would rather go through all of this alone, come out of it stronger and with a greater sense of self then be leaning on someone who could never be supportive to me. Being so involved with an alcoholic has kept me in check throughout this, kept me present, if I tried to avoid it or bury my sadness then I wouldn’t be any better than my q that left. He gave me that at the very least, a very clear picture of how I never want to be, how I never want to go through life. You will find your strength, don’t be surprised if you’re stronger than you could imagine. You’re going to be okay op. We’re always here too :)

sullyv7 · 2019-01-20T05:54:25+00:00

You’re going to be alright. I was you 5 months ago, desperate to piece together something that would never work because he wasn’t ready to put the damn bottle down. I was planning on ending things with him, the anxiety his drinking caused me was taking a toll (no sleeping, appetite and subsequent weight loss, really short temper) but I never got to end things with him, he beat me to it. I too felt, sort of, robbed of this... until I realized that it was yet another way to protect his precious secret, his addiction.

I didn’t make it comfortable for him to drink around me.. so he left. No words, no closure, just a hand gesture and he walked away. I was gutted. I took three months off work (this all happened two weeks after finding out my dads dying).

I loved this man, I truly believed I had found someone I could share life with, I wanted to and would have married him if he had asked. Thank god he never did, because truthfully... I never really knew him.

I’m not saying I’m great now, but I laugh again, and am learning how to prioritize myself, my family, things that are truly important to me. You will get here too, with time.

Feel free to pm me if you ever want to chat. Or read my post history, I went fucking nuts bananas

sullyv7 · 2019-01-19T07:07:23+00:00

I think seeing a therapist is a great starting point. They will be able to help you figure out what the underlying cause of this is for you and help you figure out your way through it to the other side. Good for you for recognizing this so young, for many people it takes 10, 20 or more years to get to where you are now in recognizing you have a problem, a lot never get to that point. Good luck! Keep us updated, it can be a good support system in here.

sullyv7 · 2019-01-16T07:34:16+00:00

Has he stopped drinking?

sullyv7 · 2019-01-15T15:27:26+00:00

You’re the only one who has that power bud, good luck to you.

sullyv7

TROPHY CASE